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#351862 - 01/25/11 08:56 AM IT DOES GET BETTER
kb8715 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/16/10
Posts: 808
It does get better.....you have to believe in that basic thought.

That is what I have learned so far from all of you here and from all in my life outside of MS.

It is too easy to let the pain of the past freeze us in a bad place. Maybe it is harder to reject that instinct and believe we can heal. But we can heal.

Ok so life is so unfair. Planes crash, people we love get sick, our hearts get hurt in love, and as much we can not understand it and hate it, kids gets abused. God that is so hard to accept....even today kids get abused.

That all confuses me and yes depresses me some days...but it still gets better because I won't give in to it and I will try every day here and every day at MS to help someone out.

I'm no smarter than any here, I am no more fortunate than you all, I am no better at this then you each. But it still gets better because I won't accept it can not.

You have taught me that CSA is a great equalizer in life.....ok a bad equalizer in life. There is no room for bias or bigotry here. It is not about sexual orientation, skin, wealth, or college degrees. Faith may help some but plenty don't need it. You can learn from men in their 20's and learn from men in their 70's. Giving respect and getting respect counts. What you learn is that it does get better.

If you need a role model just look around us. We may all connect differently but just look around for proof it gets better.

I look to men like Harris, Pete, Kris, and Billy who are fathers so committed to making sure their hurt does not limit their ability to be awesome fathers and husbands. You men are all that and you are good sponsors to many here.

I look to men like Travis, Jimmy, Alex and Cameron who have the balls to take this crap on early so you can leave it behind and enjoy life. You are good men...we are all proud of you.

I look to men like Jamie & Bob who are so brutally honest in their swat team approach to wellness.

I look to men like Todd, Jay, Andy, Daryl, MJ, Matt, and Sam who quietly grab many of us on our way in and keep working on this despite their own pain.

I look into the eyes of a 19 year old who is far and away a better man than me. I watched him shrug off the pain of a 50 stitch surgical wound. I watched him define what being a big brother is. I watched him stand up at 10 and every year since for his best pal who lost his dad at the World Trade Center. Even though these days I can only look in his eyes in his picture in my office I can smile knowing and believing it gets better because some how despite my CSA shit he really truly is a good man I do not just love, but respect.

It gets better by helping the next man who joins here. It gets better by getting out of your home and helping someone in your community.

It gets better by believing it can get better.

It does get better...




Edited by kb8715 (01/25/11 08:58 AM)
_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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#351863 - 01/25/11 09:17 AM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
r.m. Offline


Registered: 01/18/11
Posts: 106
KB,

Well written. Very powerful. Thank you for this.

r.m.


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#351865 - 01/25/11 09:22 AM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: r.m.]
teebone21 Offline


Registered: 10/31/10
Posts: 187
Loc: Zaandam
nice


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#351867 - 01/25/11 09:29 AM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: teebone21]
honorableman Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/19/09
Posts: 25
Loc: United States
KB,
Your thoughts and words are tremendous.

You helped me recently and I will pass on my healing to the next guy down the line as you did for me.

Love you, brother - H-man


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#351870 - 01/25/11 09:52 AM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: honorableman]
Darkheart Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 331
Loc: Illinois
KB,

Exactly what I needed to hear today...THANK YOU!!!

Forrest

_________________________
My Story...

http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthr...8711#Post348711

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#351874 - 01/25/11 10:01 AM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: Darkheart]
Obi Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/28/09
Posts: 1314
Loc: kansas
thanks for the kind words, keith.

_________________________
live another day. climb a little higher.

my story

my vlog

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#351896 - 01/25/11 12:46 PM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: Obi]
nevragan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/22/08
Posts: 907
Loc: NC
Thanks bro. I didn't realize the impact that all of us have on each other till I read that. Glad to be part of your healing here.

Andy


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#351905 - 01/25/11 01:53 PM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: nevragan]
prisonerID Offline
Greeter Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/17/08
Posts: 1247
Loc: Oklahoma
Keith,

You should count yourself as one who has made a difference in the lives of many men here. Your companionship has been a true blessing for me since the day we met.


Daryl

_________________________
Broad statements often miss their true mark.

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#351911 - 01/25/11 02:30 PM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: prisonerID]
Sacred_Sage Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/19/07
Posts: 141
Keith,

Thanks for the kind words, and all the help you give me.

Cameron

_________________________
http://youtu.be/HL297ZTYVRM <---- In case you ever wondered what I sound like.

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#351917 - 01/25/11 03:56 PM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: Sacred_Sage]
Magellan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/31/10
Posts: 1402
Loc: California
Thank you!!

_________________________
It's a heroes journey, and you are the hero.

Loving Kindness Meditation will dramatically improve your spirits; give it a try for just 3 days: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sz7cpV7ERsM

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#351918 - 01/25/11 04:08 PM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
Sobernow Offline


Registered: 05/17/10
Posts: 256
Loc: Oklahoma
It is an honor to be a part of such an impactful group of men - in the MS chat.


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#351931 - 01/25/11 05:51 PM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
tommyb Offline


Registered: 11/29/10
Posts: 361
Loc: American South
(kb8715)


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#351936 - 01/25/11 06:29 PM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: tommyb]
petercorbett Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/27/08
Posts: 2435
Loc: TEXAS
Howdy, my brothers.

Wow a great post. It takes a lot of courage to come here to MS.
It takes a lot of hurt, pain & tears, to be here. To connect to others who not only hear our cries, our fears, our shame, our worthlessness. But while in their own pain. They come to here to offer themselfs to others in pain & shame, and in doing so they give each of us hope & love.

We are more than a faceless man & name on a computer screen.

We are brothers. We are trying to become survivors. We are men whom are trying to lead their lost boy (inner child) from the depths of darkness into the sunshine forever into eternity.

And with each step forward from the darkness. It does get better. It does for me.

And i thank each & everyone of you for helping this old boy along.

Heal well my brothers, heal well.

"I will take that lost boys hand, and i will lead him from the depths of darkness, into the sunshine, forever into eternity."
As he is me.

_________________________
Working Boys' Home 10-14 yrs old, grades 5-8. 1949-1953
____________________________________________________________
A very humble alumni of the WOR Dahlonega, GA.
May 15-17 2009, Alta, Sep. 2009. Sequoia, 2010.
Hope Springs, 2010.


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#351942 - 01/25/11 09:42 PM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: Magellan]
Emmitt Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/06/11
Posts: 19
Great words Keith.

J


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#351961 - 01/26/11 01:08 AM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
charty Offline


Registered: 12/23/10
Posts: 44
Loc: Wisconsin
I just saw this post and it just got a little better for me just from reading your eloquent words. Thanks.

_________________________
Peace,

Callen

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#352559 - 02/01/11 05:07 PM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: Magellan]
kb8715 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/16/10
Posts: 808
Been a week since I posted this and I see men all around me getting better. There are incredibly brave men here we all know tackling this issue and sliding into home plate head first without a helmet.

Ask men here with screen names like Teebone21, Whiskers, Tyler, Alex22, Castle, KB4 and others and they will tell you they are making progress.

Are there bruises along the way....hell yea. Is it worth it all. F*ck yea.

New guys join us every day. Let them know that this is worth it, that we are worth it.

No way my life will be defined by a monster I knew when I was 10, 11, & 12.

My life and yours will be define by the acts of kidness we
make here and in our homes everyday.

It does get better because I work every day to make it better.
I pray to God you each can feel that as well.

Heal well all.

Keith




Edited by kb8715 (02/01/11 05:08 PM)
_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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#352562 - 02/01/11 05:17 PM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
RecoveryReady1 Offline


Registered: 12/05/10
Posts: 433
Hear...Hear....
Well said...thank you for that.
All the best.
Steve


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#352563 - 02/01/11 05:54 PM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
mrwhiskers Offline


Registered: 02/22/04
Posts: 193
it does get better, u guys , everyone here make it better...

hugs bros

_________________________
"Dont be scared... angels r here" Maria Fernanda (Mafer)

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#353301 - 02/10/11 01:07 PM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: mrwhiskers]
kb8715 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/16/10
Posts: 808
Another week down. Nothing really special about the week....the weather stinks, the Packer's won, work is work, and our home is as crazy as ever.

Here at MS new guys joined, some who have been here a bit had a "Break-Through" moment, others stubled or hit walls.

I think just not giving up or giving in matters. We each get a fresh shot at a better way every 24 hours.

It truly gets better when you do realize that despite the risks of being bruised along the way, every day in recovery is a chance to heal and find peace....

Be well Brothers.




Edited by kb8715 (02/10/11 01:08 PM)
_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

Top
#353302 - 02/10/11 01:17 PM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
speyday Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/31/11
Posts: 45
Loc: Idaho
KB
Inspiration words...
Should be required reading for all new member (and old ones as well)
It gives me great hope and resolve to move forward.
Be strong and well - mike

_________________________
To fish or not to fish? What a stupid question.
Real Man | Spey What?



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#353366 - 02/11/11 09:01 AM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: speyday]
mike13 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/02/11
Posts: 419
Loc: California USA
KB you are so right we have to charge our batteries each and everyday to stay strong and here is the charger. Plug in everyday my brothers its the best way to stay strong Mike


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#353386 - 02/11/11 02:33 PM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: mike13]
RecoveryReady1 Offline


Registered: 12/05/10
Posts: 433
That is saving my life right now....and I cannot tell you how grateful I am....brings tears to my eyes just thinking about it.
steve


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#353771 - 02/15/11 04:34 PM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: speyday]
kb8715 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/16/10
Posts: 808
Every day you see men struggle to overcome past abuse and let it get better. Some days people make small steps, some big ones. Likewise we have seen brothers crash under the burden.

It's hard to understand why some people are able to manage through the trauma and others can not. I tend to look around my world and see other examples and look for some inspiration why it has to get better.

Some of you know that my oldest son has a close friend he has supported for years recovering from his own childhood trauma. Danny and Evan were elementary school classmates and little league team mates the year Evan's dad died at the World Trade Center on 9-11. His remains were never located. The boys were 9 years old that fall.

Evan asked that Danny and other friends come to his father's memorial service. Danny did not want to go. He asked me what to do and I just told him that if he is your friend, be there for him. We all ended up going and I can remember Evan walking in through that packed Chapel and running right into Danny. The look between them said it all.

Evan has always been part of what my middle kid calls "Danny's Crew". Unlike a lot of us my oldest kid is a real pack dog and feels most comfortable in a crowd. That crew has always circled around Evan not in pity, but because he simply is their friend. Like some of us here, Evan is very stoic about his trauma. He and his friends never talk about 9-11, his family has always avoided the public 9-11 events. His most noticeable trait is his constant big toothy grin.

In his mid teens Evan aggressively isolated from his crew. He refused any social contact. I can recall Danny and part of their group sitting at our kitchen table asking for advice what to do. Best I could offer was to be supportive, continue to include Evan in the invites, but respect his wishes. As randomly as he isolated Evan re-engaged with his clique during senior year of High School, his smile still in place. I truly don't know what recovery steps Evan took to get back on track but when I saw him over Xmas break I found he's having a great Freshman year at Loyola and seems happy with life.

Every day I live and deal with my own crap like everyone here does. But I know it can get better when I watch a young man like Evan prevail.

Guys I refuse to believe it does not get better. Look around you and you will find your own Evan who can show you that in fact it does.

Be well.

Keith




Edited by kb8715 (02/15/11 04:34 PM)
_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

Top
#353777 - 02/15/11 05:18 PM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
Castle Offline


Registered: 10/03/09
Posts: 727
Loc: NJ
Bunch of us look at you keith....;)

Lotta us lucky your around....and Danny learned to be a good guy from his dad....give yourself a hug buddy, you' ve earned it

((keith))

_________________________

My posts can self destruct at any time..read them while you can.

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#353784 - 02/15/11 06:52 PM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: Castle]
static_00 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/10/11
Posts: 62
Loc: Michigan
Keith,

Thank you so much for posting this. I've come back a few times now to re-read your post and draw strength from it.

Eric

_________________________
WoR Alumni
Hope Springs 2011

I've learned that the shame we carry is our overwhelming burden. Amazingly, it does not weigh down others if we open up and share with them. Realizing that the shame is not ours to own makes all the difference in the world.

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#354026 - 02/18/11 10:20 AM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: static_00]
kb8715 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/16/10
Posts: 808
When I first joined up at MS I became fixated on how new men kept coming behind me. At times it can be overwhelming to realize how many people are effected by abuse. Along the way you also start to see that people heal and regain their footing.

Guys like Brandon, Eric, Mike, and Kevin are going through those first hard steps of clearing out the poison right now. As much as it hurts it also heals you somehow.

Others like Gabriel and Nick are slugging it out this week refusing to let childhood abuse define in a negative way who they are as men.

This week about a thousand college students will dance all weekend raising money to fight childhood cancer: http://thon.org/

I know one of those dancers pretty well. Apparently he listened along the way when he was taught he has a responsibility to help others in need.

All of these men give me continued faith that it does get better.....

Keith




Edited by kb8715 (02/18/11 10:20 AM)
_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

Top
#354027 - 02/18/11 10:45 AM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
mrwhiskers Offline


Registered: 02/22/04
Posts: 193
Thank you keith for this thread

Im not the only one who comes here every day to read it , thats for sure...just to get strenght from this affirmation and realize that yes... IT DOES GET BETTER

Hugs Bro

G

_________________________
"Dont be scared... angels r here" Maria Fernanda (Mafer)

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#354028 - 02/18/11 10:48 AM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
r.m. Offline


Registered: 01/18/11
Posts: 106
Keith,

I had to have my wife read this entire thread. Of course, as a survivor herself, she found it very powerful and inspiring. Awesome!

The "work" that you do here and in your home life for yourself and others is something to be commended. You're definitely reaping the rewards in how you feel and how your family feels with you around. Keep up the good work! We're all benefiting from it.

Thanks for being here. Be well.

B


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#354693 - 02/24/11 01:35 PM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: r.m.]
kb8715 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/16/10
Posts: 808
Each week you can watch really good new guys like Static, Anthony, Hopfulone, R.M., and Mike climb through the early roughest part of recovery and simply stare down the monsters that lived in us all. Guys, it is hard, it hurts, and I swear it does get better.

It gets better because every day there are a group of really good men here to try and talk us all off the ledges we all stood on at some point in recovery.

It gets better because if you watch and listen you see young men like Whiskers and Redsox046 refuse here and now to let their lives be defined by CSA.

This week men I never heard of before like Sunshine and Logan showed it gets better because they spoke up and said they were not about to settle for anything less than being at peace and being happy.

It gets better because if you listen you realize this is a community full of very good sons, brothers, uncles, fathers, grandfathers, friends, and spouses who have been willing to live with pain and still have positive impact on everyone they touch in life.

It gets better when you realize what a collectively gifted & caring group of people we are here at MS despite our wounds and scars.

It gets better when we each remember we were good kids. It gets better when you look in the mirror and realize we are very good men.




Edited by kb8715 (02/24/11 01:35 PM)
_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

Top
#354702 - 02/24/11 03:03 PM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
Logan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/05/03
Posts: 1205
Loc: NY
Keith, You are Proof that it does get better!

Thank you composing this thread.
You are an Inspiration to me and dare I say many or most of us here!

If I could give you a safe Hug, I would.

Thank you for sharing your strength and hope with us. It is Contagious. I love the idea of getting out spreading the wealth of healing and envisioning all of those that have collectively contributed and continue to do so. Those that show us everyday immense courage by continuing to fight and standup and speak up about the horrors that we all know too well, even in the face of personal strife and great pain.

Your are right! All we have to do is look around us, right here at MS and see the commitment that so many share to get better and to heal from the atrocities committed against us and such displays of bravery from refusals to give up!!!

Thank You for pointing out this amazing feat by these very courageous men to be will to face and talk about some very difficult and painful topics.

I myself have never thought of myself as courageous. Just the opposite in fact.
You pointing this out in others allows me to see it as well in them and in myself and gives me a tremendous boost of confidence by acknowledging such truths.

Your moral prose about your son and his friend give me great hope for the future and instills such pride!

I am honored to know such a good man as yourself, Keith and Proud to be in your company.

Sincerely,
Logan





Edited by Logan (02/24/11 03:05 PM)
_________________________
"Terrible thing to live in Fear"-Shawshank Redemption
WOR Alumnus Hope Springs 2009
"Quite a thing to live in fear, this is what is means to be a slave"
-Blade Runner

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#354719 - 02/24/11 05:35 PM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: Logan]
Anthony39 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/15/07
Posts: 345
Loc: Montreal, Canada
Keith, thanks from the bottom of my heart dude.

Cheers,

Anthony

_________________________
Look up and not down; look forward and not back; look out and not in; and lend a hand.
E. E. Hale


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eM213aMKTHg

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#355364 - 03/02/11 03:05 PM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: Anthony39]
kb8715 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/16/10
Posts: 808
If you asked me how a kid from middle of nowhere western Md finds themselves in Brooklyn NY trying everyday to help people let it get better, I doubt I could figure it out. I hate to let CSA get even remote credit for anything good, but yea.....

Around here you can easily see things that make no sense, but if you look can can also see lots of good as well. I guess we each have a choice to look down, or look up. I look up and encourage you all do the same.

It still got better all around me because I look for it. I sat back and listened to my 18 year old daughter teach her 12 year old sister how to put on make-up. I watched the same beautiful 12 year old dance all night with a bunch of 12 year old Bieber look-a-likes. I laughed with KB4 about the idea of arranging a marriage with his 12 year old son. I am pretty sure my kid can learn to Curl. It gets better when we can laugh too.

It gets better when you see guys like Sunshine, and Hopefulone, Static, Anthony and R.M. hang real tough through the first hard steps and keep coming back for more. Guys we really ain't kidding you when we say it does get better if you just give it time. It gets better because guys like Castle, Logan and Nick just won't give up or give in ever.

This week guys like Teebone, Gabriel, and Alex22 kicked the sh*t out of CSA and made big steps in their recoveries. These guys make ya proud. And no Special K ain't cereal, ain't drugs, and ain't no one any different than the rest of us here. Teebs he is just a man like you who refuses to be defined by a monster he met when he was 10.

Starman77, it gets better because you have faith. Yea, lots of us have Ms. Starman77 in prayers it gets better for her too bro. Keep smoking stogies with your son. Just a speedbump I say.

I don't have time to look down at all that is wrong around me. I am not naive either. But I do know it does get better.




Edited by kb8715 (03/02/11 03:05 PM)
_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

Top
#355415 - 03/03/11 08:38 AM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
men_of_hrts.dbw Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/20/09
Posts: 301
Loc: Orchidland Big Island Hawaii
All of you, thanks for this thread.
I never thought it would get better, sometimes I think about how life was before I started talking about what happened and what the past 3 1/2 years has been like.
I'm not dancing yet but I hear the music.

_________________________
Doug>ASA Survivor (1x)
ECV 6001/MaTuCa Chapter 1849
E Clampus Vitus
"What Say the Brethren"
"Hang the Bastards"

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#355418 - 03/03/11 09:07 AM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
teebone21 Offline


Registered: 10/31/10
Posts: 187
Loc: Zaandam
when my shit goes platinum, OH and it will,
im gonna dedicate my european tour to SPECIAL K grin
U rock bro smile


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#355423 - 03/03/11 09:53 AM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: teebone21]
Dewey Offline
Member

Registered: 11/13/02
Posts: 137
Loc: the sunshine state
Keith, you are making me all warm and goosepimpley on the inside with this thread. Especially about Evan. Keep going bro'
Dan

_________________________
I refuse to use my past as an excuse to not have a future.
My hero Dad; Trigger warning- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oi3Hyxuf5AE

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#356104 - 03/10/11 10:43 AM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: Dewey]
kb8715 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/16/10
Posts: 808
Yeah so sometimes letting it get better stings a bit even. Ok so sometimes letting it get better even stings a lot.

I have not been triggered in a while but caught a visual that still really took me back to the time of abuse. I've been edgy as hell for a couple days and for the first time in a while the Monster is hounding me when I sleep. Well the monster is also stealing my sleep.

But the good news is that this is no relapse. Not long ago I'd be acting out for sure. It gets better because I listened to a man I really trust and respect talk about not being "De-Constructive" and in fact using MS as an alternative to those negative behaviors we all relied on to numb. This guy is a total wise ass but he centers me more than anyone else. It gets better when you rely on your network of close MS brothers and choose to heal and not de-rail yourself.

At the same time it's been great having our oldest home from college for break. It gets better when you see how happy the people who matter to you are.

Two nights back Danny, Evan, and another friend were sitting at our kitchen table while I was on the PC in Chat. Evan is the young man who lost his Dad on 9-11. I ended up sitting with them for a while watching how very close knit and how very happy these 3 college kids are. Just like any of us here they have seen good things in their life, and I personally know they have seen an unfair share of hurt too. They continue to show me and they continue to show each other it does get better.

Today is the kind of day I'd rather be home under the covers in bed. Today is kind of a day where I feel a little sorry for myself and not so sure it does get better. But f#ck it. I say it still very much gets better by venting a bit and using the tool kits we each have to deal and heal.




Edited by kb8715 (03/10/11 10:44 AM)
_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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#356990 - 03/18/11 09:47 AM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
kb8715 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/16/10
Posts: 808
I know, just another bi-polar week here at MS. A bunch of guys felt real progress and others fell back a few steps. It happens right?

Want to see a guy who took on a arm load of hurt and choose to really recover? Read postings by Teebone21. I can tell ya it can get better. He proves it. http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showprofile&User=9011

This week I got to keep part of my promise I made to myself to make sure it gets better.

When I was at bottom in pain I flipped coins to decide if I would take a dirt nap or recover. I promised myself if I did have any recovery I do some simple things like be a more caring husband, loving dad, and better more giving member of the community.

This year I inherited a house in my town that I have left vacant. It's a big furnished place with a big yard on a real nice street.

This week there was a fire in an apartment complex in town and while no one was hurt some families lost all but the clothes on their back. A neighbor with Catholic Charities asked me if I'd consider helping out a single Mom with 3 young pre-teen boys. Right now that woman and her kids are living in a shelter.

Tomorrow they will move into that empty house. All they need to do is turn on the phone and cable and enjoy the food and cookies my wife is making them.

We ain't saints. I'm making up for the past like we all are here as best I can. It feels pretty good to keep a promise like this I made to myself.

We got it bad because of our abuse. Some got it worse and never felt an abusive hand. It always gets better when you help someone else out. Give it a shot and smile.

Be well all.

Keith




Edited by kb8715 (03/18/11 09:49 AM)
_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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#356999 - 03/18/11 11:28 AM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
teebone21 Offline


Registered: 10/31/10
Posts: 187
Loc: Zaandam
i couldnt a done it w out u bro. for real. smile


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#357208 - 03/21/11 01:37 PM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: teebone21]
kb8715 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/16/10
Posts: 808
We all have our "Special K's" Teebs.

Finding them and using them is the name of the game Rock Star.....

Keith

_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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#357319 - 03/22/11 09:34 AM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
brokenleg Offline


Registered: 01/05/10
Posts: 65
Thanks Keith, truly powerful words for sure.


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#357635 - 03/25/11 08:25 AM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: brokenleg]
kb8715 Offline
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MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/16/10
Posts: 808
Couple days back I stood outside the ER bay of the hospital I work at waiting to meet someone. If you ever watched the show ER, you'd have an idea what the place is like, only not as nice. I stood there and shook my head wondering WTF was I was doing here. Then for some reason I got fixated on watching our EMT crews service the ambulance rigs. These folks go by choice into some tough situations every day. They care about strangers who are hurting and make a real difference. It literally gets better because of them.

I also left work early one day last week to go to Seaside Heights NJ and book a prom house for my middle kid's senior HS prom weekend. The Cheer Captain triggers me on average of a dozen time a week. She is strong and confident and does not comprehend the word "no". She dragged me all over town. I am sure I know this place better and Snooki & the Situation at this point. It was never the perfect magical dad-daughter moment I hoped it might be, but we booked a great place for her and 29 other friends of hers. Sometimes it really gets better and you just got to accept you won't get the thanks or the hug we as survivors look for along the way.

I got to talk a bit to Robbie Brown this week at MS. I read Robbie's stuff a lot and I am sure like you I feel his genuine pain. Robbie I think you are a great dad and I hope to God you get back what you lost and realize it gets so much better for your kids because of your love for them.

I also listened to how Writer Keith is having a profound impact on a group of special needs teens, and how Tyler has rallied support for his recovery by being really ballsy and disclosing to a huge group of friends. I hope they both post their own stories and let us all see how it gets better.

Nick and Brandon, I know the pain and fear you feel is real. But you keep coming back every day refusing to give up. CSA stings like a mother f*cker. But like you tell me Nick, no surrender. If you are willing to commit like these guys and others do, it does get better.

Be well Bro's,

Keith




Edited by kb8715 (03/25/11 08:26 AM)
_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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#357637 - 03/25/11 08:35 AM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
bluejay Offline


Registered: 02/23/11
Posts: 51
Reading this gave me some hope for the future.
Thank you.

Jason


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#357676 - 03/25/11 07:41 PM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: Magellan]
WPB Offline


Registered: 12/19/10
Posts: 12
That is very moving and strong.
Thank you.

WPB


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#358603 - 04/04/11 05:19 PM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: WPB]
kb8715 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/16/10
Posts: 808
Sometimes it get's better when you can admit you hit a road block in recovery and you take time to figure out how to get up, around or even under it.

It happens to us all. It gets better when you realize not every wall you need to get over is some huge trigger, or a relapse that could hurt you or someone else.

It get's better when you take a breath, look at your recovery tools, and change things up a bit till you get some traction.

Hey who ever said this was gonna be easy anyway, Ya know?

Like YankeeSox03 says to me.....No Surrender....no curse of the Bambino here bro.

Be well all.




Edited by kb8715 (04/04/11 05:19 PM)
_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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#359315 - 04/11/11 10:54 AM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
kb8715 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/16/10
Posts: 808

This Saturday we spent the evening on Roosevelt Island overlooking the Manhattan skyline. It was not a sight seeing junket, though you could watch all the dinner boats cruising from the Statue of Liberty on the Hudson River to the East River. Saturday was about checking off as completed a huge promise I made myself in support of my wife.

I think it gets better every time you do something for people you care for.

When you drive off Roosevelt Island you cross back to NYC through a tunnel smack through mid-town. Turn your head and you see Times Square, which besides being an incredible icon of our city, is a place my family insists on standing in every time we are downtown. When the kids go to NYC with their crew they will text me to say they are by sitting with "Father Duffy". If you have not been there this is the spot my family always people watches from: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Duffy_Square . Having goofy family traditions like that help make it better too.

I could smile Saturday knowing I've covered a hell of a lot of ground in this process but It's still easy at time to feel very defeated by an abusive past. Admittedly it does get better.

Recovery does in fact take place. Many of us fight our own progress as if feeling better does not fit us.

Most if not all my heavy shit is well behind me and buried where it belongs.

The last piece is all about taking care family, continuing to make real charitable efforts, and caring for people, which includes good people here.

The last piece is a long term project of course. It's much like that Robert Frost poem we all read as kids: But I have promises to keep,
and miles to go before I sleep....and miles to go before I sleep.
A lot of us don't sleep well so that's ok. But it does get better when you make recovery promises to help others, and then keep them.

Pay it forward and heal guys....Keith




Edited by kb8715 (04/11/11 10:56 AM)
_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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#359316 - 04/11/11 11:44 AM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
CruxFidelis Offline


Registered: 06/16/10
Posts: 486
Loc: NJ
Keith,

thanks so much for this encouraging, inspiring post. yes, we all DO have promises to keep! I have a lot of voices inside, voices of the man who abused me, telling me I am a waste, that I should have died long ago, that the world has no use for me. But then again my faith teaches me that God is not done with me and that I still have a lot of work to do in this world before I am ready for the next.

what did you do on ROosevelt island, just spend time together? My wife is always wanting me to take her on dates and pay more attention to her... it is hard because I don't feel like myself anymore but maybe I should make a promise, too.

_________________________
ďIf a man wishes to be sure of the road he treads on, he must close his eyes and walk in the dark.Ē

- Saint John of the Cross

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#359350 - 04/11/11 06:17 PM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: CruxFidelis]
kb8715 Offline
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MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/16/10
Posts: 808
Pete, I made a promise to re-unite my wife with her sister who she has been estranged from for 5 years. She lives on the island. It was a really big promise to keep.

They accepted an invite to come see us Easter weekend.

Make a promise to your wife and make it happen Pete. It's healing for you both.

Be well.....





Edited by kb8715 (04/11/11 06:17 PM)
_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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#359351 - 04/11/11 07:14 PM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
CruxFidelis Offline


Registered: 06/16/10
Posts: 486
Loc: NJ
that sounds like you were her knight in shining armor that day. I am not sure what I have left to give at this point. I am sure there is something.

Thanks for sharing your strength with us

_________________________
ďIf a man wishes to be sure of the road he treads on, he must close his eyes and walk in the dark.Ē

- Saint John of the Cross

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#359352 - 04/11/11 07:17 PM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
petercorbett Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/27/08
Posts: 2435
Loc: TEXAS
Hi, my brothers,

I made a solemn promise to my inner child (little Pete) that i will lead him from the depths of darkness, into the sunshine, forever into eternity.

I made that promise at my first WoR in Dahlonega, Georgia. Almost 2 years ago, May 2009 the 16Th to be exact.

He has taken me from the infinity of the heavens (God), to the depths of hell (suicide), and everywhere in between.

And i owe my success in dealing with all this stuff not only to those T sessions, and those WoR's. But to all of you here.

I need reassurance quite often. I need reassurance that someone cares for me (my son & grandsons do).
I need reassurance that i'm understood.
I need reassurance that your compassion, understanding & love for another whom has walked in your shoes, is still there.
I need reassurance that when i'm in the dark depths of my soul and feel there is no way out, that you are there for me.

I especially need reassurance that it DOES GET BETTER, even after i tell others that it indeed does.

But, my brothers here (to name a few) Kieth, obi, CruxFidelis, mrwhiskers,1islandboy,trb1345, daryl, Gary and all of my other brothers here and in the GBTQ healing circles.

Keep reminding this old Irishmoose AKA petercorbett to keep focused to keep on going. To finally become that SURVIVOR & reap the peace & serenity that we all so richly deserve.

Thanks, my brother Keith you make sure that It DOES GET BETTER.

Heal well my brothers, heal well.

"I will take that lost boys hand, and I will lead him from the depths of darkness, into the sunshine, forever into eternity." As he is me.

Pete..Irishmoose.



Edited by petercorbett (04/12/11 10:41 PM)
Edit Reason: added name
_________________________
Working Boys' Home 10-14 yrs old, grades 5-8. 1949-1953
____________________________________________________________
A very humble alumni of the WOR Dahlonega, GA.
May 15-17 2009, Alta, Sep. 2009. Sequoia, 2010.
Hope Springs, 2010.


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#359357 - 04/11/11 08:05 PM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: petercorbett]
kb8715 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/16/10
Posts: 808
Peter and Pete-Moose you both give a lot. In fact you were both there for me those early days. Crux seeing you and Castle with NJ locations immediately made me see I was never alone. Both you Jersey boys have had my back since.

Moose your welcome note back then reinforced that thought as well. You never sway from your positive feelings for all newbies.

My point has always been I am no better at this than anyone. I just refuse to let a 3 year trip to hell when I was 10 years old define the rest of my life.

I rant about paying forward and in our home we try but are not perfect. You both pay it forward as well as so many of us do. We are very good men here even though at times we don't like to say it.

Peace gents.

_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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#360106 - 04/18/11 03:18 PM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
kb8715 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/16/10
Posts: 808
I can really say I feel its getting better. Do I feel a dull ache sometimes about the past. Yep. Do I have Blue days. Yep.

But I can now separate all feelings of guilt, self esteem etc. under a category of "ABUSE" and know that it is not the real me. Any abuse related thoughts from the past were never the real me, even though every one of the stung like a Son of a Bitch.

With my T and wife, and "my crew" here I can see I'm a good man. My MS crew are good men. Each of you were good kids and are good men. Gets better when you say it out loud, and when you say it to others here and when you know it's the simple God's honest truth.

I can see real progress in the men I have become close here with as well. This place works. As sane as a T's advice may be I have found what really makes it better is thinking this through with others who know what it means to have been abused, gone to Hell, and climbed back out. Yep, it's why and stay and try to help as best I can. It's was high on my Recovery promise list, and the T likes this one a lot.

Spring is a great time to heal (no Blizzards or Tornadoes around here). Can't wait to get in the car Good Friday, drive 4 hours alone blasting The Boss to pick up the oldest from school and bring him back for a Saturday Easter dinner. His mom, his sisters and his dogs miss him and I do too. He and his crew energize me and our house, and that makes it better too.

I hate when there are empty bedrooms in our house. It's like my Kevlar wall is down, but it get's better every time I see we are doing a good job raising decent kids, with my past hurts and all.

If you celebrate Passover, Happy Passover. if you celebrate Easter, then Happy Easter. If you don't choose to celebrate neither, that's ok too and try and celebrate yourself and your recovery.

We were all good kids...we are all good men. We fought hard each to be able to admit it does get better.

_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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#360639 - 04/24/11 01:00 PM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
petercorbett Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/27/08
Posts: 2435
Loc: TEXAS
My brother, Keith.

Here it is Easter Sunday.

Hopefully everyone made it HOME (your place) for Easter.

To enjoy each others love, compassion & understanding.

Especially your love for each other.

Yes Sir, IT DOES GET BETTER, and the proof is there in your heart & soul.

Have a great healing day with your loving family.

"I will take that lost boys hand, and I will lead him from the depths of darkness, into the sunshine, forever into eternity." As he is me.

Pete..Irishmoose.

_________________________
Working Boys' Home 10-14 yrs old, grades 5-8. 1949-1953
____________________________________________________________
A very humble alumni of the WOR Dahlonega, GA.
May 15-17 2009, Alta, Sep. 2009. Sequoia, 2010.
Hope Springs, 2010.


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#360642 - 04/24/11 01:22 PM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: petercorbett]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6401
Loc: 2.5 NATO Nations
Yer a lucky and blessed guy!

_________________________
Wishing You Were Here!

The Aftermath Video

The Water Buffalo Song

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#360701 - 04/25/11 01:28 AM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: Still]
Morning Star Offline
Member

Registered: 12/21/04
Posts: 1124
Loc: Home
Well it does get better...provided we are willing to do the work, namely forgive, active emotional cleaning up, staying the present moment and start rebuilding emotional, physical, social and spiritual life, and most of all letting go the past!...For those who are still grinding their axes to take revenge or for retribution, healing is a far cry, as wrathful hearts don't heal, it is after all the dark passion that we can overcome through rigorous prayer work.

Plus we have to be careful suffering can turn a person into narcissistic, so to avoid it, volunteering a good idea, where you get to soothe someone else's suffering. And we can always find someone who has suffered more than us, like somewhere who was actually died during the crucifixion, but forgave before dying, no wonder he was resurrected.

Too many survivors want resurrection, without willing to do the work needed to be done by them, we are not entitled for anything! Universe owes us nothing! Whatever healing we receive is grace, as long as we stay humble we'd get better....after all suffering is our own Karma, no one else's, and when we forgive we are forgiven.!

_________________________
~ It's over!...Let go of Thy Past, Remember Thy Self ~

Why Don't People Heal, by Caroline Myss; 30 days to clean up your vibrations - Abraham-Hicks

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#360725 - 04/25/11 01:18 PM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: Morning Star]
Still Offline
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MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6401
Loc: 2.5 NATO Nations
Some forgiveness sound conditional, sounds forced, sounds compulsory and so-on. One more step to truly forgive in a rock-solid way...also wish them well.

_________________________
Wishing You Were Here!

The Aftermath Video

The Water Buffalo Song

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#360730 - 04/25/11 04:00 PM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: Still]
kb8715 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/16/10
Posts: 808
Moose....thanks as always for the kind words. You are a true gentleman and your kindness to all is a wonderful trait.

Robbie....I told you I read your posts and feel your pain. It's not fair what has happened to you But I am not blessed more or less than you or any of us here. None of us were blessed really. I just can't or won't have my childhood abuse define me. I get crazy, I get sad, I get triggered....but I won't give up and I will keep trying to do better and try to push everyone along with me.

Morning Star, on the forgiveness....Nah. Sorry I got no good feelings to offer abusers and rapists. I have deep faith and will let God sort them out. Hell seems fitting for people who sexually abuse kids and adults......

Be well all.



Edited by kb8715 (04/25/11 04:01 PM)
_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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#360741 - 04/25/11 06:34 PM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: Still]
VictoryisRs Offline
Guest

Registered: 12/13/07
Posts: 36
Loc: Seattle, WA
Forgiveness can seem conditional. I wrote a letter to my abuser a few years ago, expecting some heartfelt response on his part....at the very least a "I'm sorry" from him. I did talk to him briefly at a family gathering where he acknowledged my letter and said he'd respond 'soon' but that hasn't happened yet.

I heard a quote by Oprah Winfrey that pretty much sums up the definition of forgiveness for me right now:

"Forgiveness is giving up the hope that the past could have been any different It's accepting the past for what is was."

By the way, I've taken a long sabattical from this website--havent logged on in a couple of years! I recently attended a Recovery Workshop that was put on by Mike Lew last month, so I'm hoping to get back into some sort of counseling or group therapy (which I've never actually done before).


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#360774 - 04/26/11 09:44 AM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: VictoryisRs]
kb8715 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/16/10
Posts: 808
I'm really touched that you posted to this thread after coming back to MS Victory after several years. Good luck with your healing.

This is just a brain drain I do every week to keep myself and any others interested centered on the belief we can re-gain control taken from us as little boys and enjoy ourselves now as healthy if scarred men. I don't mind the bruises as much anymore as long as I can laugh too...

By the way I appreciate all here who support me, PM me, share with me, endulge me by listening to my virtual dad rants, put up with my off kilter jokes,lean on me, let me lean back on them.

Not sure I ever simply said thanks to you each but it's gets better when you say thanks to your support crew here....

So thanks VictoryisRs and thanks to you each as well.







Edited by kb8715 (04/26/11 09:47 AM)
_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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#361024 - 04/29/11 09:30 AM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
kb8715 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/16/10
Posts: 808
I really like this post from Gnuff: http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=360876#Post360876

I hope you take a second to read it and respond if you are so moved. What it makes me think of is how once we work through the hurt of the actual abuse, the heavy lift is to make sure we fight isolation, build healthy relationships, and enjoy the good stuff in life. That's proof how it does get better.

It really makes me feel good that I can see that a number of men I know here are breaking out from different forms of isolation and connect with good people around them.

The post from Gnuff also reinforced for me how key the help and friendships here are. In fact my T and I talked about this and he's a huge advocate of survivor-to-survivor peer support.

It got better for me this week because a man here I respect a lot helped me avoid turning a discussion with my son into yet another chance for me to convince myself I am a lousy Dad because of my abuse.

Rather than rush in and blow up an important talk wit my son I thought back carefully about a lot of prior exchanges and advice I have gotten here about sons and dads.

For me this week it really got better because through MS support I turned the risk of distancing myself from my son into a time when my son felt respected by me and supported instead.

I get a lot of support here at MS. I try to give the same back, but Alex thanks for making me see how Danny would hope I'd think it all through.

Use the support here men. Invest the time in establishing some very real safe and trusting relationships and talk it all out. That's how it gets better.




Edited by kb8715 (04/29/11 10:20 AM)
_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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#361439 - 05/04/11 11:41 AM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
kb8715 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/16/10
Posts: 808
The news makes it look like we are all celebrating in NYC this week. Some may be but I think many of us are more looking inwardly for closure. Whiskers pointed out to some of us there are so many other forms of evil we need to deal with too. You are right Gabriel. It does get better when 1 less evil monster is gone though.

Both the older kids reached out to me about it. 911 is seared into their childhood memories of course. I suppose that is true of all New Yorkers. We're thinking of my son's good friend Evan who lost his Dad at the World Trade Center that day. My middle kid showed me a picture of him with my son's crew taken at our home New Year's Eve. Man they were a happy group and so toasted too. They will all be home from finals soon. It always gets better when they all come home.

Mother's Day is huge in our house. Might be our happiest holiday here. I may have had the worst mom ever. Close to the worst for sure. But my kids simply have the best Mom.
For us that means you will find us Sunday either in Times Square enjoying NYC or on the Jersey Shore having fun with the hounds. That's good stuff either way.

I hope you each have a person you can celebrate on Mother's Day. Like I said, it does not need to be your actual Mom. It gets better if you thank any decent woman in your life for the support she has shown you.

Be well all.




Edited by kb8715 (05/04/11 11:41 AM)
_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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#362017 - 05/12/11 08:49 AM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
kb8715 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/16/10
Posts: 808
To be honest it's just a real normal week. It gets better when you realize it is normal...this is who we are...we really are ok.

Mother day was perfect. As soon as you say JERSEY SHORE it's a slam dunk things are going to be good!

The kids are all well....older 2 both have jobs right up until when the head to college. Hey, it gets better when you find there is cash in your wallet once more.

T session last night was great. We talked about dreams, CSA peer support, and the value of MS. T says it's all good. it get's better when you drive your T sessions, work your agenda, hit the core stuff that's on your mind etc.

For some reason a bunch of guys here asked me this week when this stops, when do we feel something different, what the long haul looks like etc.

The effect of trauma in our life is forever...we will always be survivors. I will also forever be a man, I will always be a Dad, I will always be a husband, I will always be a friend, I will always care for others in my community, I will always be me. Being a survivor is part of who I am. It does not define me. I do that myself. I control what I do from the moment I get up, on days where I slept like crap because of some dream, and on days when it goes well too.

It gets better when you remember we were good kids and are good men.

A man I really respect here points out it is not about our past....it is all about our future. At 19 he's got this nailed. We all can too.




Edited by kb8715 (05/12/11 08:50 AM)
_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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#362113 - 05/13/11 02:33 PM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
Obi Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/28/09
Posts: 1314
Loc: kansas
just wanted to say thanks to keith for this thread and for the idea of my latest recovery vid that i will be posting shortly...

wanted to pay homage to you for this thread how in my life it's gotten better and i hope it's ok keith, out of respect for you, that i title my latest vid "it does get better"...

thanks again...

_________________________
live another day. climb a little higher.

my story

my vlog

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#362219 - 05/14/11 11:40 PM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: Obi]
kb8715 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/16/10
Posts: 808
Todd that's very kind of you, and of course you can use anything you want that helps. Odds are I stole anything that made sense from someone else anyways.

I'm no better at this than anyone else. I have good days and off days and I know this is who we all will be forever. I just won't let this be far and away my legacy. I'd be happy being remembered down the road as a decent guy, good husband, good dad, and a good friend. I don't expect my tombstone may read I dealt with CSA.

See that's kinda the point really. I'd be happy for a few people here to remember me kindly of if I helped them, but the CSA just is not the why to it anymore.

Last night there was a crowd of college students here. Rather than hanging out partying like they often do they were sprawled out in the living room and sucked me into a discussion how the world is suppose to end next Saturday. So I reminded them all that from the time we are each born we all only have so much time here, and to make the most of it. Oh and I told them each I'd see them next Sunday for breakfast....

Yeah, it does get better. Takes hard work, good support, great help here at MS, but Gents it does get better.

So thanks Obi-Todd for sharing it with me.

_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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#362617 - 05/20/11 05:03 PM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
kb8715 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/16/10
Posts: 808
I'm feeling pretty good this week. I had my moments like we all do, but it gets better when you realize a bad moment, or bad day can pass and you can stick to your recovery plan.

All the kids and their friends were around this week. I love it. I don't mind the revolving door when they are home at all. I did mind when our oldest completely vanished on us one night this week, but I let one of my key go to guys here talk me down off the ledge again. Thanks Pal. Worked out all fine.

Each of us should have 1-2 guys who lean on us, and 1-2 other men here we lean on. It really gets better when you let a brother here walk you through a tough patch. I think we all do a great job of looking out for each other, but ask yourself who are the guys here you can always reach when you are down. They are a crucial part of your success.

I had a chance to have a Beer this week with 2 of our recovery friends, Remy and Castle. Some people say you can tell a survivor by the look of pain in their face and eyes. Naaaaa!

If you have not met Remy or Castle they are real easy to spot in a crowd though. Remy is this very classy gentleman and Castle is the guy drinking very cheap Bourbon. Ok he's also the guy who has an infectious laugh and a huge heart too. I promised another good man here at MS we're doing it again soon. Logan, did I mention Castle drinks cheap booze? You been warned.

I know this is tough....it just is. But dig, talk, vent, read, get therapy, get peer support, get better. It does get better. If you work it hard it really does get better.




Edited by kb8715 (05/20/11 05:07 PM)
_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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#362654 - 05/21/11 06:20 AM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: Magellan]
sidestep Offline


Registered: 05/12/11
Posts: 34
thanks kb8715

you always welcome me into the chat room and seem to support me. as a new guy on the block thats important.

i think you are giving back what you have received and are giving a lot of us new guy's hope

your actions speak louder then words, keep up the good work


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#362701 - 05/21/11 09:12 PM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: sidestep]
RICK57 Offline
Member

Registered: 12/31/03
Posts: 1611
Loc: ENGLAND
Yes it does get better.

You can see from the date I first registered here, that it's been some time!

I was an absolute wreck at the point of giving up completely on life (read some of my old posts if you have time) when I first came here.

I read some posts and gradually built up to making my own and responding to others.

With the strength I gained hear, I eventually complained to the police then gained a conviction.

Since then I've been in a pretty serious road traffic accident which has taken me over 3 years to recover from. I maintained my job during that time (with some adjustments), however recently I was made redundant.

I'm on the employment market and looking for a job, however I'm alive!

Crap is crap, but it produces the best roses!

Best wishes ...Rik

_________________________
*Never look down on anybody unless you're helping them up.
*I was seeking a way of expressing my anger - I found hope!
*There are many battles before the war is won! It can be won!

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#362806 - 05/23/11 02:32 PM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: RICK57]
kb8715 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/16/10
Posts: 808
Side and Rik, many thanks for reading this and many thanks for your input.

I guess you'd say this is my journal but you can see I'm like all here and count on people @ home and here at MS to be sure it does get better.

Todd and Ren reminded us last night we needed to think of people in Joplin who need us.....so right.

Some days you need to step back and see many need help and figure out how you can. We all know it's not limited to MS.

That said this is important stuff we do for each other.

Thanks all and have a good week.

Keith

_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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#363276 - 05/30/11 01:20 PM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
kb8715 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/16/10
Posts: 808
Neveragn-Andy-Drewski asked last night if taking breaks from this all is helpful. Sure it is...it gets better when you take a day or so to figure out where you are, get outside, stay connected at home, help people around you etc. as well.

Like I've said recoverying form ASA or CSA is part of who we all are, but it's not all of us and does not define us.

Each of us can help another man here, and at the same time help and care for people that we care for in our homes as well. The people I have come to respect and care for most here at MS do just that. They always extend their hand to help in every aspect of their lives. Man that so much makes it better I think.

People here this week I know best got angry, got sad, confronted Perps, made progress, and in one case let themself say "I love you" to an awesome woman. That's us guys. Up down side to side, but always healing, always moving forward. Proof that it does get better.

Here at home I've watched gangs of healthy happy teenagers come marauding through our house this week. I'm watching Cheer Captain cycle up for the Prom and Prom weekend at the Jersey Shore. I watched our youngest go out with freinds to the movies and what was her first ever date (GRRRRR...ok that does NOT make if get better...but it's cute sweet and nice too.).

Just another week in recovery gents...a good week that lets me feel it does get better.

Keith




Edited by kb8715 (05/31/11 09:02 AM)
_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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#363310 - 05/31/11 02:42 AM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
Letourski Offline


Registered: 03/15/08
Posts: 302
Loc: Canada
Man, this post is so inspirational. Everyone here at MS is living proof that it can and does get better. Keith, I do not know you personally, but your words resonate so deep inside of me. You are the reason I have returned to MS to continue on this path of recovery.

There is so much strength and courage in this post. Everyone here at MS continue to give me the strength to work through the pain and sorrow.

Thank you so much for this wonderful post. I appreciate it beyond words.

Cheers,

Daniel

_________________________
I am the warrior.

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#363323 - 05/31/11 12:21 PM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: Letourski]
Castle Offline


Registered: 10/03/09
Posts: 727
Loc: NJ
I was asked to add some castle commentary to this thread..;)

It gets better when we stop to hear all the good messages from all the good people around us...and try to not listen to the one bad one that will get survivor brain going.

It does get better to take a step back from recovery and spend some down time, just beeing, if possible, hug a loved one, friend, pet...go for a walk bike ride, smell the flowers yo.

Its also helpful to understand that not all of lifes obstacles are not based on abuse, but rather how our brain interpets those situations and lets the old abusive messages control how we feel and act in those situations. To suggest they will all go away is balogna, but fewer and further between is the (my) goal.

It helps and is crutial to really question things and work to get better...all of us have that in us....take the chance, try to make it better for yourself with help from your core support. We can support, but YOU must do the hard work for it to get better....but it does..:)

_________________________

My posts can self destruct at any time..read them while you can.

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#363354 - 05/31/11 05:35 PM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: Castle]
petercorbett Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/27/08
Posts: 2435
Loc: TEXAS
Hi, my fraternal brothers,

This is my 4Th post on this subject. A very important one for me, as i quite often go way back into myself and I make myself that victim all over again.

With all the compassion, understanding & love from my fraternal brothers here, it proves to me that I am indeed a worth while human being.

I am fortunate enough to be sharing a home with another CSA brother. I have immediate help when i'm down on myself. I might even muster a few tears. When he is finished listening to me, we exchange safe hugs and once again I feel that it does get better.

Yesterday (Memorial day) my brother here Obi & I travelled to Tulsa, Oklahoma. We were to meet up with another fraternal brother of mine, Andy (formerTexan) from a WoR back in '09. And we were going to also meet a new fraternal brother of ours ren42. We met at a restaurant & enjoyed each others company in brotherhood.
Great, brotherhood, friendship & food. But for me it was another stepping stone out of my shyness & self imposed loneliness.
Once again, after all my setbacks (mostly self imposed) I have come to realise once again, that it truly.....................

Does Get Better. All I have to do is let it happen.

Heal well, my fraternal brothers, heal well.

"I will take that lost boys hand, and I will lead him from the depths of darkness, into the sunshine, forever into eternity." As he is me.

Pete..Irishmoose.

_________________________
Working Boys' Home 10-14 yrs old, grades 5-8. 1949-1953
____________________________________________________________
A very humble alumni of the WOR Dahlonega, GA.
May 15-17 2009, Alta, Sep. 2009. Sequoia, 2010.
Hope Springs, 2010.


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#363449 - 06/02/11 08:50 AM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: petercorbett]
kb8715 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/16/10
Posts: 808
It means a lot to me when people comment, PM or post to my rants....so thanks very much Daniel, Castle and MOOSE.

It's really not easy yet some days, I admit it. The men here who know me best know I am just as vulnerable to the slightest disruption in life as any of us are. When things line up perfectly, I know I am spot on. One off look from one of the kids and I feel the CSA shouting in my ear what a tool I am.

Just since writing this earlier this week I slowly and carefully was able to talk through the issue of Pot use with the older 2 kids. Could have been a true Cluster Fluck of epic proportions.

Straight bottom line is Alex gave me input and Castle gave me balance and I listened. The advice was good......actually far better than good. It went well.

Life is going to happen to us everyday and just like you I have to cope.

But honest to God it has gotten so much better because men here have reached out to give me support, and also let me give it back in kind.

It hurts when I remember why we all are here. It hurts me more to see someone here in pain than to consider my own wounds....but it gets better when you hear so many people talk about the true friendships they have formed in recovery. I know I am very thankful for the ones I have.

Yeah...it bumps, it stings, it can hurt like hell. It also can heal and it does get better.


_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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#363865 - 06/08/11 03:23 PM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
kb8715 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/16/10
Posts: 808
I was standing there Monday as Springsteen says "in the part of town where when you hit a red light you don't stop", looking at the heap my car just turned in to. While I was waiting on the NYPD I was feeling all the abuse angst boil up in me. Then I started focusing on this was where I choose to work, and how nice people were treating me. And if you never spoke to an NYPD cop you have no idea how really cool these men and women are. Then I remembered it's just a car, it's nothing I love, I can replace it, no one is hurt, let it go.

Well that's all true but man nothing sucks like a wrecked car!

So yeah, bad times come and go and they will no matter if you lead a gifted life or if you were abused. We still need to deal either way and let it get better.

So right now I'm P-Oed still but I will let it slide. At home and MS my crew reminded me what counts, and it sure is not that car.

This week Cops, strangers, co-workers, MS Buds, family, T's & friends all reminded me it does get better.....must be true, huh!


_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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#363872 - 06/08/11 05:36 PM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
Magellan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/31/10
Posts: 1402
Loc: California
I can attest to this. IT GETS SO MUCH BETTER.

I've had a very miraculous recovery in my life.

I'm not afraid of people anymore.

I'm free to be me. FREE!!!!

THANK YOU! EVERYONE of you. THANK YOU for your COURAGE to share what is in your heart and mind. For in your sharing, you help lift me out of my hell.

D

_________________________
It's a heroes journey, and you are the hero.

Loving Kindness Meditation will dramatically improve your spirits; give it a try for just 3 days: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sz7cpV7ERsM

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#364103 - 06/13/11 04:00 PM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: Magellan]
kb8715 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/16/10
Posts: 808

A few nights back a member here I respect a lot said to me that he felt many of us lived without knowing real love and we spend our whole loves looking for it.

I don't know. I don't think I can agree on that one.

I do know I believe that love heals. I do believe love can end the isolation and lack of trust many of feel. I do know I believe that opening ourselves up to falling in love and being in love is something we do late into recovery. But I also believe we can love and be loved as anyone else can.

Maybe we are more cautious about our emotions. Maybe we fall in love less often than others. But I just don't believe our capacity to love is diminished due to ASA or CSA.

I think love does make it get better. I think the love of 2 is twice as healing as the strength of 1.

I also know there are many kinds of love. Look around here and you will see many men in love with spouses and partners. You see many men here falling in love with girlfriends and boyfriends. Ask and I can tell you stories of men here saved by the love of a best friend. Look around and you see men here express fraternal or paternal love for a fellow survivor who has lifted them up, inspired them, & helped them.

This week is Father's Day. For some it may be a tough day. I have such empathy for those hurt by a family member. But we are also a group full of really good Dad's who know first hand what love means.

We all can love and be loved, and that so does make it better.


_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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#364128 - 06/13/11 10:18 PM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
mrwhiskers Offline


Registered: 02/22/04
Posts: 193
smile

_________________________
"Dont be scared... angels r here" Maria Fernanda (Mafer)

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#364735 - 06/22/11 07:50 AM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: mrwhiskers]
kb8715 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/16/10
Posts: 808
Sometimes letting it get better ain't easy. We know that.

Hey triggers come and go, they hurt and with the right support they dissipate.

Last week was a mix of some really good stuff like Father's Day, a great HS graduation party and ceremony.

It was also filled with work stress, too many people I don't want around me during recovery, a reminder of some recent pain, and being reminded of one key aspect of my abuse.

Shit happens I suppose. I won't lie & say it does not hurt right now. But I'm trying to use the tools I have to keep myself centered best I can and deal.

I'm not backing off my belief it does get better. It will get better.

_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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#364757 - 06/22/11 03:44 PM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
Castle Offline


Registered: 10/03/09
Posts: 727
Loc: NJ
Proud to know you, friend... Takes a lot of courage and stregnth to go through a bad week and still post positive shit....keep at it yo...it does get better.

_________________________

My posts can self destruct at any time..read them while you can.

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#365211 - 06/30/11 05:21 PM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: Castle]
kb8715 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/16/10
Posts: 808
Hey.....who said life was going to be easy anyway? Gets better though, huh.

Getting lots of support from good friends I made here at MS as I deal with way too much work stress. The people we trust here are really the best kinds of friends I realize. Man it's nice to see the red flag flashing at times, right? Makes you know some one has your back and cares.

Watching guys here fall in love and realize life can be sweet.

Watching a guy I helped here way back when he was a newbie really help a newbie now. Pay it Forward! Man I'm proud to see that.

Gets better.....

_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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#365395 - 07/03/11 11:46 PM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: Magellan]
risingagain Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/09/10
Posts: 595
Loc: Vancouver, BC, Canada
Wow, I just love reading these posts.


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#365624 - 07/07/11 05:11 PM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: risingagain]
kb8715 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/16/10
Posts: 808
Been dealing with Survivor Brain all week but its getting better.

Like a lot of us I let everything in sight add up wrong and see the glass half empty instead of half full.

90% of what we worry about never happens I am told.

Stress is a Bear and like many of us I have some in my life. Work has been a real source in the last few weeks.

I used the tools I find work best. I talked it out with the T, and ask for input from guys I lean on here. Yeah the stress is still there, but its getting better.

I am also taking an F.U. approach on some things I can not control. Hey, we all want control. We all get that we want control big time.

If I can't have control of some things, I know I can say F.U. to the stuff I can't pre-determine and look for some space where I have peace.

So yeah, its a dog fight, but it does get better.



Edited by kb8715 (07/07/11 05:18 PM)
_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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#365648 - 07/07/11 11:16 PM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
mrwhiskers Offline


Registered: 02/22/04
Posts: 193
Its does get better... even when u dont think it is...bit by bit your life and the way to look at things change....

yeah IT DOES GET BETTER

Thanks smile

Theres something i wonder if will ever get better tho....
Dang my typing still suxs.

G

_________________________
"Dont be scared... angels r here" Maria Fernanda (Mafer)

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#365760 - 07/10/11 06:33 PM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: mrwhiskers]
kb8715 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/16/10
Posts: 808
Gabe we all hit rough spots and speed bumps but you are right it gets better.

You more than many know what it means to overcome but live and care for people all around you.

You are also proof how much MS can make it get better by giving and getting support.

All good except your typing. I'm pretty sure our Canadian friend effects that....well maybe not.



_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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#366023 - 07/15/11 10:45 AM IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
kb8715 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/16/10
Posts: 808
Obi-Todd asked me if I was doing ok...always a good question for us each to ask of the other guy. He mentioned he thought the last few posts here were kind of down looking.

Fact is I have been doing too much thinking over the last month and Survivor Brain was ruling.

You see nothing was really wrong. I'm doing good. It has been getting better. Family is well, kids have jobs, wife is happy, the dogs are smiling. My core group here is all healing.

So WTF?

Then unrelated stuff happened. Work got stressful, I fell out with a very close personal/work friend, I smashed up my car while completely disassociating, I started to worry and obsess about people here, and I found myself anxious, blue, edgy and at times even scared again. The weird thing is I then triggered myself bad over something not related to me but to my wife. I realize now my triggers are more about trauma my family has known than me.

The T assured me all was good. The guys I lean hard on here tried to help. Castle did his "YO" version of therapy, Gabe gave me so many virtual hugs my shoulder is bruised. RM, Chris, and Nick kept checking in, and Alex let me rant on but kept stepping back to center square with me each time. Alex also caught the bottom of the cycle and literally was going to drive down to either knock sense into me, or kick my behind; both would have been within reason at that moment.

Man it gets better when you hit bottom of a slide. It clears your head and heart. It makes you appreciate all you do have in life. It makes you see how far you have come, but what more you need to do. It makes you love your wife kids and dogs more than ever.

It gets better when you realize how much you love the men at MS who walk with you. You can call them peer supporters or coaches. Friend or brother is a fine word too. In a case or 2 I admit I proudly think of them like I do my son.

I feel real good right now. I can see what we have done together guys. I can see how much this means to us all. I can see what the next phase of recovery looks like. There is a plan for it even.

There is a deal I made on this recovery and it is the best deal I ever made. Part of the deal is that it does get better.

Keith


_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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#366024 - 07/15/11 11:07 AM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
ACLover94 Offline


Registered: 06/18/11
Posts: 40
Loc: EAST COAST USA
Wow, Keith, well put! There are days for me that I forget sometimes that I'm a survivor of CSA and other days, like today...that I feel like crying. I don't trust anybody, I'm depressed just an overall feeling of low self worth...I mean who the hell am I anyway..... I'm Confused, you know what I mean? But I read your post and suddenly I feel a little better, a bright light of sorts to concentrate on...I don't want to hurt the ones I love, I'm more afraid of that now then anything....Any input would be appreciated

Peace and love to all

George

_________________________
George!

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#366395 - 07/22/11 12:08 PM IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: ACLover94]
kb8715 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/16/10
Posts: 808
It was a good week...it did get better. There was no reason for it. Truth is that it just does get better.

A new guy mentioned his wife noted so many postings here can be negative. Hey if venting here on the forums helps then that is great.

But yeah if we fall prey to our own pain we run the risk of getting stuck in recovery.

Ask yourself if you feel stuck now? Ask yourself what steps could you take to move it up even one step.

How about setting a small recovery goal for yourself so you can see the progress?

Do something for yourself, do something for a friend, just do something to break up any routine that makes you feel you are seeing light in the tunnel.

This stuff all just sucks, but the truth is all around us there are men who are making progress.

There is no value to staying locked in a place of sorrow, pain, and remorse for our past. I have yet to meet a man who who caused there abuse or is responsible for the side effects that resulted.
But I have met many who have overcome so much and are letting it get better.

Be well.


_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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#366396 - 07/22/11 12:24 PM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
Juan Offline


Registered: 11/04/10
Posts: 20
Deleted



Edited by Juan (01/05/12 09:01 AM)

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#366397 - 07/22/11 12:37 PM IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: Juan]
kb8715 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/16/10
Posts: 808
It was a good week...it did get better. There was no reason for it. Truth is that it just does get better.

A new guy mentioned his wife noted so many postings here can be negative. Hey if venting here on the forums helps then that is great.

But yeah if we fall prey to our own pain we run the risk of getting stuck in recovery.

Ask yourself if you feel stuck now? Ask yourself what steps could you take to move it up even one step.

How about setting a small recovery goal for yourself so you can see the progress?

Do something for yourself, do something for a friend, just do something to break up any routine that makes you feel you are seeing light in the tunnel.

This stuff all just sucks, but the truth is all around us there are men who are making progress.

There is no value to staying locked in a place of sorrow, pain, and remorse for our past. I have yet to meet a man who who caused there abuse or is responsible for the side effects that resulted.
But I have met many who have overcome so much and are letting it get better.

Be well.




Edited by kb8715 (07/22/11 05:01 PM)
_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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#366821 - 07/28/11 02:45 PM IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
kb8715 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/16/10
Posts: 808
You know how we talk about recovery being like a Roller Coaster ride?

Man I spent yesterday riding a bunch of coasters with my kids and a few others yesterday. I mean 75mph sudden drop upside down insane stuff. I don't know about you, but I need to be really loud to do that and it was so good and so much fun.

You need to try this as a recovery tool. It just wipes your brain clean...literally. It was such great family time too.

Want to know how it gets better? Go have some fun!

I am telling you.....Go have some fun and see how much better you feel.

Keith


_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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#366860 - 07/28/11 11:32 PM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
SamV Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/13/09
Posts: 5942
Loc: Talladega, Alabama, USA
I have just read, or purused it, thank you Keith, for sharing this insight into your life, family, recovery, and supporting interchanges with fellow survivors here in MS.

I trust you are well after your accident, and your children continue to learn from their father as to who they can be as they mature. Your recovery perspective is resolution based, seeing the levels and resolving them as they are realized. This is beneficial, and you sound so strong in this process, well done.

The fun comment, well, I am not a roller coaster man, but I do see the benefit if one can ride those without sharing their lunch. I use "Ace Ventura, Pet Detective", about every two months, and although I do not care for most of his comedy, I find safety and contentment in knowing his eccentric and strange character will succeed against government officials, big business and large, hairy men. It gives me the right amount of dissociation and refreshment.

Thanks again for the post, Keith, I encourage you to keep this going, this is cathartic.

Sam

_________________________
MaleSurvivor Moderator Emeritus 2012 - 2014

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#367168 - 08/01/11 12:21 PM IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: SamV]
kb8715 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/16/10
Posts: 808
Sam, thanks. Coming from you it means a lot.

It takes effort to look for the positives at times. Life is never going to be perfect and our abusive pasts seem to magnify that reality.

I swung and missed on a curve ball at home this weekend that had zero to do with my abuse. I bet they can feel the breeze out west.

This one is real, it is going to take a lot to work through. That includes accepting I may not even be able to fix it.

Recovery is about us first. Sometimes maybe it gets better when we put someone else ahead of us though.

Be well.


_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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#367295 - 08/03/11 09:54 AM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
Anthony39 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/15/07
Posts: 345
Loc: Montreal, Canada
Change your thoughts and you change your world.
Norman Vincent Peale

_________________________
Look up and not down; look forward and not back; look out and not in; and lend a hand.
E. E. Hale


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eM213aMKTHg

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#367399 - 08/04/11 12:17 PM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: Anthony39]
kb8715 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/16/10
Posts: 808
Tony many thanks for that. I tend to think at times in terms of poetic words & music too when thinking about recovery. I bet a lot of us do.

There are a lot of thoughts shared by many here that make sense to us .

This first post just is so brave I think:

http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=367308#Post367308

The second post is a poem from a man I have gotten to know here. Its a piece I really like about how a friend (non survivor) reached out and became a big part of his recovery:

http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthr...1822#Post351822

I think both these posts are worth a read. Posts like these help us see it does get better.

_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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#367765 - 08/09/11 10:00 AM IT GETS BETTER [Re: kb8715]
kb8715 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/16/10
Posts: 808
I have to admit I do notice a bunch of folks read this thread. I get a lot of feedback, messages, & requests for help as well. Hey if that means this helps is get better, good enough.

Like I keep saying you got to realize I am like any of us here who was abused at any age. Recently some guys here who know me well did suggested I've got swagger and panache, but hey, why can't a survivor do it with style as well?

I know I have come far. I know many here who walk real close with me have too. We do this together. Many of the men who are beating the effects of abuse are quiet. That is their right. But many of them encourage me and are very much protective of me too. Just like you I can trigger, get blue, get angry etc. It passes. It always does get better.

Right now my home looks like a Target Store. The Irish Twins are packing up to head to school. We are real proud of how close they are and know they will have each other's back up at Penn State. If you never have been there State College is next to Mount Nittany & they call that area Happy Valley. I'm not too sure what they put in the water there (or their Keystone Beer) but it is awesome to know your kids are being nurtured in that sort of environment.

Our third kid has brought a close friend into our house this summer. He's got some tough breaks in his young life too and his Mom encourages that he spend time with us. This weekend his younger brother joined us as well and got a good dose of the good insanity in our home. I'm pretty sure they feel better by knowing my kids too.

Like any home we also are dealing with health related issues you can not ignore or easily fix. It's life. Who has the perfect one? Who promised it would be perfect any way.

Things have gotten better.

I got work to do still. We all do.

Daily reinforcement counts. It's the texts, emails, calls, posts, PM's, and chats that keep reminding me we all can do this.

I may sit and type this all out but it gets better because so many of you here have shown that to me.

Keith


_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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#367767 - 08/09/11 10:02 AM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: risingagain]
lfp Offline


Registered: 11/02/08
Posts: 121
It is getting better for me.

_________________________
Consider the postage stamp: its usefulness consists in the ability to stick to one thing till it gets there. ~Josh Billings.
The Round Table, Mondays 7:30pm CST.

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#367769 - 08/09/11 10:36 AM IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: lfp]
kb8715 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/16/10
Posts: 808
I have to admit I do notice a bunch of folks read this thread. I get a lot of feedback, messages, & requests for help as well. Hey if that means this helps is get better, good enough.

Like I keep saying you got to realize I am like any of us here who was abused at any age. Recently some guys here who know me well did suggested I've got swagger and panache, but hey, why can't a survivor do it with style as well?

I know I have come far. I know many here who walk real close with me have too. We do this together. Many of the men who are beating the effects of abuse are quiet. That is their right. But many of them encourage me and are very much protective of me too. Just like you I can trigger, get blue, get angry etc. It passes. It always does get better.

Right now my home looks like a Target Store. The Irish Twins are packing up to head to school. We are real proud of how close they are and know they will have each other's back up at Penn State. If you never have been there State College is next to Mount Nittany & they call that area Happy Valley. I'm not too sure what they put in the water there (or their Keystone Beer) but it is awesome to know your kids are being nurtured in that sort of environment.

Our third kid has brought a close friend into our house this summer. He's got some tough breaks in his young life too and his Mom encourages that he spend time with us. This weekend his younger brother joined us as well and got a good dose of the good insanity in our home. I'm pretty sure they feel better by knowing my kids too.

Like any home we also are dealing with health related issues you can not ignore or easily fix. It's life. Who has the perfect one? Who promised it would be perfect any way.

Things have gotten better.

I got work to do still. We all do.

Daily reinforcement counts. It's the texts, emails, calls, posts, PM's, and chats that keep reminding me we all can do this.

I may sit and type this all out but it gets better because so many of you here have shown that to me.

Keith


_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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#368116 - 08/14/11 11:37 AM IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
kb8715 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/16/10
Posts: 808
My wife calls our home the Apple Juice House...the place any kid could always reach in the garage fridge and find a juice box. These days those same kids have move up to more adult beverages, buy we keep them all as safe at 19 and 18 as we ddi at 5 & 6. Man that sure makes it get better.

Many of those same young men & women spent the night here last night saying bye to our older 2 as they pack for college in 2 days. Got a ton of hugs this morning from good young people who I saw about every day, but won't again till Thanksgiving. All good!

This week I watched a man here break loose form his isolation and disclosed to a guy who acts as a mentor boss and big brother to him. He got incredible support.

What made it even get better is he did it using the the words I shared with him from a real good man I know through MS.

That's "PAY IT FORWARD" for sure. None of us wanted to be here. But tell me who would give up having met some of the incredible men here?

To me this post talks about turning our pain into something far more positive and powerful by givng and accepting from others in our life.

http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=351822#Post351822

Man it sure gets better.

Keith


_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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#368138 - 08/14/11 06:43 PM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
ACLover94 Offline


Registered: 06/18/11
Posts: 40
Loc: EAST COAST USA
Keith, kinda blew me away that post. Especially the ending. I'm letting the words rattle around in my head....would I have wished it undone....hmmmm...if I were to chance not having the same relationship with my wife and family....wow....


George

_________________________
George!

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#368558 - 08/20/11 10:10 PM IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: ACLover94]
kb8715 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/16/10
Posts: 808
Its such a fine line at times between doing the best for those you care about and your own recovery. Putting others first makes it better.

This time last week this house had incredible energy I thrived on. Tonight the older 2 are up on campus, the youngest at a sleep over, and we are here both feeling intensely blue and dopey for not realizing we are doing a good job in raising healthy happy kids.

Abuse hits us in so many weak spots. Though I have cleared many obvious issues I admit I like my life in a certain order, and for me it will always mean having those I love near me.

But they are where they want to be tonight and my wife and I helped make that happen.

So I may be real sad and blue tonight but it will get better because we know we've done it all for the right reasons.

_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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#369079 - 08/29/11 04:08 PM IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
kb8715 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/16/10
Posts: 808
So this week like many people I got to experience both an Earth Quake and a Hurricane. Hey, it gets better when you walk away intact from that kind of stuff.

I also had a chance to take on an aspect of me that pre-dates my recovery that I never liked at all. It was something I felt had to be dealt with, had to be said out loud really,
to be sure it stayed where it belonged. It was tough, but It was a real recovery step to take and I know it got better because I did it.

I also watched a guy many of us know here step up in my support by seeking me out, challenge constructively the way I think, listen to me carefully, and throw me a ton of care and concern.
I know he's quiet often, but if you are fortunate enough to get his advice you will benefit from it.

He posted a creative piece I hope you will read and comment on: http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=369008#Post369008

Another guy who is well respected here asked me the proverbial question about how we are seen in our daily lives. Do our emotional scars show? Do people see us as damaged?

I told him how this week I was the guy responsible for the safety of a large work force required to evacuate due to the Quake. I was the dope to go back into the building with a subordinate to be sure it was empty. I was the guy who the NYFD Battalion Chief asked to meet to give an all clear to.

The next day another woman who works for me came by and handed me a Bull Horn. I asked why I needed that and she said because everyone knows the guy with the Bull Horn is in charge.

To each of you I am a survivor. It is nothing we asked for and nothing we should feel blame for at all. And I am proud of the guys here who ask me to help them, and thankful to the men who help me as well.

That def makes it get better.

But you see here where I am no one sees a survivor. Like I said, to many people I'm just the guy with the Bull Horn.

Make sense?

be well all,

Keith


_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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#369129 - 08/30/11 02:13 PM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
Castle Offline


Registered: 10/03/09
Posts: 727
Loc: NJ
Maybe your the guy with the bullhorn because your a survivor?....To me your just Special K!

PS I dont give a shit what they see, we see the real keith, especially when he decides to let us in smile

_________________________

My posts can self destruct at any time..read them while you can.

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#369765 - 09/08/11 02:18 PM IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: Castle]
kb8715 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/16/10
Posts: 808
Some days when I read posts here I wonder why it does not get better for all of us. It is what I want, and what I know you all want as well.

I can look around me and see, talk, chat, email, and text men here who have become a part of my extended family. I can see how far they have come, and how far they have helped me come too.

We've climbed through it all. Pick any aspect of abuse and we have dissected it, buried it, and done it again if needed.

But the men I lean on here agreed the only direction any of us would go was up.

What started as a very basic attempt to stop horrible pain caused by abuse has converted into a series of very healing and very healthy friendships.

Sure we talk about how we got here.

But more and more we talk about the music and art that heals us, every day life events, accomplishments at school or work, love, and realizing how very much alive and well we all are.

I wish I could tell you the men I rely on here are special. To me they each are.

But at the same time we are no different than any of you.

Make the decision today you will heal.

Reject all the horse-shit left behind from the perp.

This weekend I watched a 13 year old kid who is a Cancer Survivor run the spikes off a pair of cleats. I sat there and said to myself if that kid can do it, why the Hell can't any of us?

I say every man here can heal. Grab someone here who is doing it now and take real steps to get what we all deserve in life.

Start by saying it does get better......

Keith


_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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#370021 - 09/13/11 01:36 PM IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
kb8715 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/16/10
Posts: 808
I had shared with a group of men I am close with feedback I got on 9-11 from my Son's close friend Evan.

Evan was 9 when his Dad was murdered at the World Trade Center. He spends a lot of time at my house. He lives a few streets over. Evan is a quiet very dignified man. He always smiles this huge toothy grin and has perfect manners.

Early on my Son said Evan does not want anyone to talk about 9-11, and for all those years I respected that. The guys who know me here no I hardly ever hold back on what I have to say, but man I never crossed that line with Evan. Every single time he has been to our House he gets a tight hug from me, and nothing more.

On 9-11 I sent a note to my Son to please let Evan know he was in our thoughts. The message back from Evan simply said that meant a lot to him, and he loved us all.

There is a picture I shared with my group here of Evan in our living room at the top back row of 20 teens surrounded and protected. Odds are the imagery is a coincidence but I'll be damned if that human wall of good 18 & 19 years olds have not in fact surrounded him and cared for him exactly like they appear in that picture.

Evan is a survivor, and though I know first hand he's been bruised I also know he is not beaten.

I may think it can get better. Evan would tell you he knows it does.

Get going and heal guys. Don't tell me you can't. Evan and other good guys here at MS show me every day we all can.

Be well.

Keith


_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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#370277 - 09/16/11 02:47 PM IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
kb8715 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/16/10
Posts: 808
I had shared with a group of men I am close with feedback I got on 9-11 from my Son's close friend Evan.

Evan was 9 when his Dad was murdered at the World Trade Center. He spends a lot of time at my house. He lives a few streets over. Evan is a quiet very dignified man. He always smiles this huge toothy grin and has perfect manners.

Early on my Son said Evan does not want anyone to talk about 9-11, and for all those years I respected that. The guys who know me here no I hardly ever hold back on what I have to say, but man I never crossed that line with Evan. Every single time he has been to our House he gets a tight hug from me, and nothing more.

On 9-11 I sent a note to my Son to please let Evan know he was in our thoughts. The message back from Evan simply said that meant a lot to him, and he loved us all.

There is a picture I shared with my group here of Evan in our living room at the top back row of 20 teens surrounded and protected. Odds are the imagery is a coincidence but I'll be damned if that human wall of good 18 & 19 years olds have not in fact surrounded him and cared for him exactly like they appear in that picture.

Evan is a survivor, and though I know first hand he's been bruised I also know he is not beaten.

I may think it can get better. Evan would tell you he knows it does.

Get going and heal guys. Don't tell me you can't. Evan and other good guys here at MS show me every day we all can.

Be well.

Keith


_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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#370312 - 09/16/11 10:31 PM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
Mountainous Buck Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/15/09
Posts: 1626
Loc: Minnesota
Thanks Keith.

_________________________
We have to take responsibility for what we're not responsible for.

ďIt doesn't matter where you've come from,
It matters where you go" Frank Turner

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#370910 - 09/24/11 08:55 AM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: Mountainous Buck]
kb8715 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/16/10
Posts: 808
Jamie your words showed me it does get better the day I got here. They still do bud.

I'm sitting outside Beaver Stadium @ Penn State waiting to TailGate with our Irish Twins and a S-Load of their best friends. This place is so alive right now.....just like me and you.

Driving up along the Susquehana before dawn headed to Happy Valley so chills me. Knowing the Fam would all be together up here with a crowd of 65000 so helps.

If you think you can't do it do something like I am to clear your head. I am doing it for me, for the family I love, for some of you who give me courage, and for a nephew who told me this week he got hurt real bad as a kid.

Yeah I'm doing it for him and with him too.

He says he's gonna get better. He's right.

Be well all.

Keith

_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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#371448 - 10/01/11 01:13 PM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
kb8715 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/16/10
Posts: 808
I'm watching a young man step up and confront the cause of pain he carried too long.

I'm proud of my own kids who get why he's hurt and are supporting him.

My wife is proud of me for being there for him too. She knows just how tough this is for me.

Its not easy. It never was. But he deserves this chance to heal like each of us do.

There is no reason to be held back by it all. The ability to heal is within us all.

Each of us has to confront our fears, let go of the past, get out in the sun, and let it get better.

Just do it. Don't say you can't.

Be well all.

_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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#372058 - 10/10/11 11:19 AM IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
kb8715 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/16/10
Posts: 808
I told a MS friend last night it's about perspective, it's about realizing what we do have in life, not what we do not.

Yeah life will kick us in the A$$ at times. We all know CSA is far from the only challenge any of us face. But the past is gone and we all need to focus on the here and now.

I hate that my older kids are 240 miles away at school. Saturday I sat in the sun in a buddy's yard watching his 3 High School & college aged sons play whiffle ball. I told him I was jealous of him. This guy is a real good friend so he turned it right around and told me he only wished his boys could get into the same college our older 2 attend.

Perspective, huh.

At times I let my CSA brain tell me I don't connect with my kids like I want to.

Bullshit.

The truth is they have always come to me for advice on the things that matter. The truth is they all naturally work hard, get good grades, make good friends, do meaningful charity work, respect the faith they were raised in, and look out for each other. The truth is we are giving them a shot so they have all the options in life they want. The truth is they are growing up to be real good people.

And the stuff I am doing today for my nephew hurts like Hell, but it means the world to him I know. It matters, he matters.

The truth simply is that though I was abused as a young boy somehow I found true love, built a great family, found a good job, and have lots of real good friends all around me.

I'm no different than anyone here. Don't even try and say I am not.

Sometimes it gets better when we realize the only thing that holds us back is ourselves. Sometimes it gets better when you stop to count what you do have, not what you do not.

Be well.

Keith


_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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#372061 - 10/10/11 11:40 AM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
cris40ky Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/20/11
Posts: 188
Loc: KY, US
Thanks KB!


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#372392 - 10/14/11 12:09 PM IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: cris40ky]
kb8715 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/16/10
Posts: 808
A lot of people take the time to read this post. I thank you each. There is a lot that gets posted on our boards every week and I'm touched so many people wonder what I have to say.

The guys here who really know me....know my name, know my face, know my voice, know I also do this to help myself. This has always been my way of reinforcing myself.

I keep telling you I am like anyone else here in the ways that count. I was abused by a Pastor from ages 10-12. I never forgot it happened but I let his lies convince me it was fine. With time it took it's effects, the same exact effects each of us can describe.

But at the same time I did not let it kill me (came close a few times) and I was able to make many good friends, get a decent education, fall in love, build a family, do some things in life I can feel real good about too. And like I always say I can see in our 3 kids now 13, 18, & 19 some real good people we are so proud of because they took the good from what we have taught them, and seem to always put any pain in life to the side. That's what we need to do too really.

I'm lucky I found this place though I'm so sad any of us need it. But that's life and we need to deal with the hurt and let it get better.

I know I have had a chance to help a few here. I know many of you have helped me along the way too. It's all good.

There is a guy here who I helped a lot, and he knows he has helped me right back. We will push pull drag and cajole at times to keep going forward. What I said to him recently is what I say to many of you here:

I am so sorry you ever had to know me this way, but so very lucky that you do.

That goes to us all here guys.

So thanks for taking the time to read my stuff each week, and be certain I can see in you, and can see in me, it does get better.

Keith


_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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#373183 - 10/23/11 07:25 PM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
kb8715 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/16/10
Posts: 808
This afternoon I sat on a soccer field watching our youngest play ball. My best friends infant son was real happy on my lap.

Our oldest 2 were texting us about the families they are supporting this year in the PSU Thon to fight childhood cancer.

I still get triggered like we all do. I got to work my recovery like we all do.

But look around you like I did today. There is so much proof it does get better.

_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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#373210 - 10/24/11 03:03 AM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
pbert53 Offline
Greeter Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/26/09
Posts: 576
Loc: Washington, USA
Kieth,

Amen!

_________________________
If you cannot control what happens to you, you can control your attitude toward what happens to you, and in that, you will be mastering change rather than allowing it to master you.

~ adapted from: Sri Ram

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#373470 - 10/27/11 12:22 AM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
mrwhiskers Offline


Registered: 02/22/04
Posts: 193
Hugs
Thanks smile

_________________________
"Dont be scared... angels r here" Maria Fernanda (Mafer)

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#373610 - 10/28/11 11:11 AM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: mrwhiskers]
kb8715 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/16/10
Posts: 808
Paul and Gabe, thanks for all that.

Gabe those who know you also know that you are proof it does get better.

It's not my place to tell your story of recovery. I will simply say for those who read this that few men have made as many sacrifices for family as you have.

Anyone who feels stuck today should PM you and hear from you that recovery from CSA & ASA is very much possible.

Be well all.

_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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#373920 - 10/31/11 06:44 PM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
kb8715 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/16/10
Posts: 808
CONGRATS THON FOR WELCOMING THE TYLER W FAMILY INTO OUR ORG! FOR THE KIDS, FOR THE FAMILY, FOR THE FIGHT EVERY DAY! THON 2012 HERE WE COME

Thats the post on my son's FB. He and his sister are pasionate in their social service on campus to fight childhood cancer. The kid Tyler he will dance and raise $ for is just 8.

My point is simple....that kid and his family believe it can get better. They need to believe. My kids believe what they do will support his recovery. They are right too.

Our recovery is a huge head game...thats where the injury is felt most.

I believe my son is right. For the fight every day...it does get better.......

_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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#373921 - 10/31/11 07:46 PM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
Anthony39 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/15/07
Posts: 345
Loc: Montreal, Canada
you raised good kids man!!

_________________________
Look up and not down; look forward and not back; look out and not in; and lend a hand.
E. E. Hale


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eM213aMKTHg

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#374050 - 11/02/11 09:01 AM IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: Anthony39]
kb8715 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/16/10
Posts: 808
Hey Tony, that's kind of you to say but we can both say that & so can many here.

We are good Dad's, we are good spouses, good partners. We are loyal and good friends to people in our life. We do good things.

It's bullshit to allow abuse to minimize us. It's a lie you have to deny.

I've lied to myself I was less than whole. In my own survivor mind I may have been, but not where it counts. That never happened. I take care of business every day at home, at work, and in my community.

Yeah Tony, we are raising some real good kids. You are too.

This place is full of good men. More need to say that out loud.

It gets better. That's a real simple fact.


_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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#374055 - 11/02/11 10:00 AM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
SamV Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/13/09
Posts: 5942
Loc: Talladega, Alabama, USA
Originally Posted By: Keith kb8715
This place is full of good men. More need to say that out loud.


I am a good man, among good men.

_________________________
MaleSurvivor Moderator Emeritus 2012 - 2014

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#374273 - 11/04/11 01:07 PM IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: SamV]
kb8715 Offline
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Registered: 07/16/10
Posts: 808
Hey Sam, you are a good Dad, you are a good Husband, you are a good friend, you are a good mentor & coach. You were a good kid and you are a good man.
it gets better when we start to acknowledge who we really are.

It also gets better when we see our past abuse in context as one aspect of life and not the end all be all for any of us.

I don't mean to minimize a very terrible thing we all experienced, but regardless of our past the Sun is going to come up each day, and the Moon will at night. In other words life is going to go on, and we need to live it.

I work in a pretty crummy neighborhood in NYC at a pretty crummy Hospital. An NYPD detective recently pointed out to me this area is know for Meth and knives. Crystal Meth is the drug of choice for the dealers and knives is the weapon of choice for protection. Burt this morning like every morning I watched really good parents in this neighborhood walk their kids up to the local P.S.. No matter how hard things seem to be good people still take care of what matters.

Don't give into this bullshit. It gets better better when we get up every day and live our lives like the good men we are.

Keith


_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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#374568 - 11/07/11 02:25 PM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
kb8715 Offline
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Registered: 07/16/10
Posts: 808
Some days you simply have to sat WTF.....

Last week it was the Scouts in Canada and USA.

This week it is Penn State, where our 2 oldest kids proudly attend. I'm not feeling proud today.

2 men here who support me very loyally were respectively hurt in scouting, and by a coach.

All abuse is horrble, and people in authority looking the other way at any time is so awful.

Soon it will get better I know. Right now I am thinking of people who I care about who feel the pain over the news.

And as always I feel for all of us here too.

Be well all.




_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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#374636 - 11/08/11 09:42 AM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
Castle Offline


Registered: 10/03/09
Posts: 727
Loc: NJ
Feel proud of those two great kids, not the institution that turned an eye to abuse....It saddens me that this will bring a cloud over something you love and find so dear...(((keith))).

_________________________

My posts can self destruct at any time..read them while you can.

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#374679 - 11/08/11 03:52 PM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
mrwhiskers Offline


Registered: 02/22/04
Posts: 193
Even when u think it doesnt...it is getting better..definitely
smile

_________________________
"Dont be scared... angels r here" Maria Fernanda (Mafer)

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#374715 - 11/08/11 10:19 PM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: mrwhiskers]
kb8715 Offline
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Registered: 07/16/10
Posts: 808
Thanks Gabe & Harris....the kids at Penn State are angry hurt and confused by all that has happened at a place they love. There is a media circus there and protest by studenst for justice. Its a learing experience, but not one I had banked on for him or his sister.

This was my note to my son at PSU....the kids up there are very twisted by it all. They hurt bad over what is now known of a place they love...I hope they were wise enough for him.

Dear Danny, I love your passion, I love your loyalty, I love your values....hell I taught you those values right? No PSU did not create that monster. No, the pitiful lack of action by a group of leaders does not make PSU less a great place. But those who did too little need to be accountable, if only morally accountable, for not doing the right thing. PSU won't heal until those who did not step up are gone. And the men who were abused need PSU to support their well being. What happened up there can't be taken back. But you and all your very good and decent friends up there can make sure things are done today to help heal Happy Valley. Keep doing good stuff up there...doing good for others is something you and your sister do so well. That comes from your hearts. All my love and respect...Dad


_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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#375545 - 11/16/11 03:48 PM IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
kb8715 Offline
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Posts: 808
Yeah we all see there are many new MS members this week. We all know why.

Hey is gets better when you tell your self it is time to heal.

So welcome to you all. You are brave good men.

I'm not going to tell you about PSU directly in this note.

I will tell you a story that proves it does get better.

I'm in the yard Sunday smoking a Cigar and faking that I care there are leafs there.
A neighbor comes by to be the 100th person this week to lecture me on what my kids
should say and do as Penn State undergrads.

She also spoke very compassionately about the horror of abuse and the effects of that crime.
So point # 1 is it gets better when you realize people around us very much care about ASA/CSA, and they do
feel our pain.

Point #2 is she lectured me about how hurt a survivor of abuse must be. Hey I am that survivor, but you see, regardless of my internal fears,
I am just her neighbor, her friend, the guy with 2 students up at Penn State. So I must be all healed huh? Get it?

It gets better when you remind yourself we are just very good men. That's all we are guys. Cool huh?

Oh, and on my neighbors lecture about how I should speak to my 2 Penn Staters about the crimes up there.
I told her to STFU. After all, I'm a Jersey Survivor and we got Swag! And yeah, I already taught our kids right and wrong, ya know?

Be well guys....


P.S.: My Avatar right now is the Crying Penn State Nittany Lion Emblem. It cries in pain and shame for the horrible crimes commited against children at PSU


_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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#375550 - 11/16/11 04:23 PM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
Anthony39 Offline
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Registered: 02/15/07
Posts: 345
Loc: Montreal, Canada
I hope you had nice glass of vodka while listening! smile

_________________________
Look up and not down; look forward and not back; look out and not in; and lend a hand.
E. E. Hale


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eM213aMKTHg

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#375560 - 11/16/11 04:52 PM IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: Anthony39]
kb8715 Offline
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Registered: 07/16/10
Posts: 808
Yeah we all see there are many new MS members this week. We all know why.

Hey is gets better when you tell your self it is time to heal.

So welcome to you all. You are brave good men.

I'm not going to tell you about PSU directly in this note.

I will tell you a story that proves it does get better.

I'm in the yard Sunday smoking a Cigar and faking that I care there are leafs there.
A neighbor comes by to be the 100th person this week to lecture me on what my kids
should say and do as Penn State undergrads.

She also spoke very compassionately about the horror of abuse and the effects of that crime.
So point # 1 is it gets better when you realize people around us very much care about ASA/CSA, and they do
feel our pain.

Point #2 is she lectured me about how hurt a survivor of abuse must be. Hey I am that survivor, but you see, regardless of my internal fears,
I am just her neighbor, her friend, the guy with 2 students up at Penn State. So I must be all healed huh? Get it?

It gets better when you remind yourself we are just very good men. That's all we are guys. Cool huh?

Oh, and on my neighbors lecture about how I should speak to my 2 Penn Staters about the crimes up there.
I told her to STFU. After all, I'm a Jersey Survivor and we got Swag! And yeah, I already taught our kids right and wrong, ya know?

Be well guys....


P.S.: My Avatar right now is the Crying Penn State Nittany Lion Emblem. It cries in pain and shame for the horrible crimes commited against children at PSU


_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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#375563 - 11/16/11 05:18 PM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
unhappycamper Offline


Registered: 10/21/11
Posts: 598
Loc: VA
kb8715:

You're right as usual, there's nothing new about know-it-all neighbors sharing their unsolicited opinions--and alas, Penn State is only the latest place where a certain social and institutional malaise has surfaced.

But at least your neighbors care--just filter all the verbiage down to that thought (then tell 'em to shaddap, NY/NJ neighbors can take it!). And at least there has been a start to straightening out the latest eruption of the perpetual CSA mess that just happens to be in State College this time. Peace... and Go Pitt! wink

John


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#375731 - 11/17/11 01:35 PM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: unhappycamper]
Asmodeus Offline


Registered: 10/25/05
Posts: 112
Loc: Vestavia, Alabama, USA
I experienced an "it gets better" moment 4 or 5 years ago when a maintenance worker with the apartment I lived in was there to fix something. I don't remember details, but while we were talking he mentioned that one of his kids works with kids who were sexually abused and he was even aware of the 1 in 6 statistic that applies to boys.

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I may not be perfect, but at least I'm not fake.

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#375881 - 11/18/11 09:21 AM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: Asmodeus]
kb8715 Offline
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Registered: 07/16/10
Posts: 808
Thanks John, thanks Sgt. Pepper.

With so many new men joing us right now I feel so strongly we all have too keep focused that it can and does get better.

I can't explain why there is any pain on the face of the earth. I can't explain why any human being would hurt in any way a child.

But I know each day we all have a chance to do a good deed, make some person smile, help another out, and of course be here for a fellow survivor who has not yet seen that it does get better.

Tonight those 2 very good Penn State undergrads get home about 10pm. They have been gone since mid August and have been very missed.

And they have been told we are going to sit down tonight over a few Grey Gooses they are too young to have and talk more about how they are expected to make sure it does get better up there at PSU.

A good friend from MS told me this week it was practically illegal to wish anyone a Happy Holiday before 12/1. He's Canadian and you guys must have different rules there, eh?

So I will be the first to say Happy Holidays all, and as John (Unhappycamper) says to me.....PEACE!


_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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#376296 - 11/21/11 09:50 AM IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
kb8715 Offline
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Registered: 07/16/10
Posts: 808
Thanks Obi-Todd for your feedback.

As I said, I write this all out to clear my head, but more importantly I do this because no man here needs to get stuck in their past pain. We all need to see though the hurt is real, recovery and a happy life is very real too.

I'm not different than any of you but it does get better, and it has. That's what I want for us all....


_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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#376306 - 11/21/11 11:44 AM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
Obi Offline
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Registered: 12/28/09
Posts: 1314
Loc: kansas
LOL.... keith!!!!!

i was just kidding around... teasing ya, 'cause ya know.. you're like joisey and all... LOL....

it's all good and i appreciate the compliments... smile

_________________________
live another day. climb a little higher.

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#376366 - 11/21/11 06:07 PM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: Obi]
kb8715 Offline
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Registered: 07/16/10
Posts: 808
Thanks Todd. Jersey guys have swag but on ASA or CSA we bruise like anyone does.

But we all can heal and thrive too. With so many new men joining us here its so important to say we are good men.

Yes gents we are very normal people. Hurt but normal.

Some of my closest friends from MS never post or go to chat. But man they are doing well. They have their bumps and bad days but they would also say they are loved and they are happy.

I am loved. I know how to show love. I have a great family, great friends, and a good job.

I am nothing special. I am simply a survivor of csa proud to be in the company of good men healing.

Good luck to the veterans here. Good luck to the new guys.

It does get better.

_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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#376501 - 11/22/11 04:58 PM IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
kb8715 Offline
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Registered: 07/16/10
Posts: 808
A real good friend here let me know he hit a hard wall today. It's temporary. I got faith in him.

With all the news about PSU too few seem to notice the sad news about Scouting in both Canada & the US. He's one of the men who knows that pain.

But he's also one of the toughest and most driven guys I have met here and I'm very lucky he is my friend.

He does not post a lot, and is rarely in chat, but he always let's you know he has your back. He's just a very loyal friend I guess.

I know it has gotten better for him in many ways. I know though today he may feel pain it's going to pass and he will keep doing good stuff in life.

Guys like my pal are not as rare as we think. They are all over this site really.

The new men here will find it gets better as you meet men like him and see how they refuse to let abuse rob them of a damn thing.

Big man, thanks pal. Got your back too.




_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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#376982 - 11/27/11 11:45 AM IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
kb8715 Offline
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Registered: 07/16/10
Posts: 808
My buddy who I talk about above is dealing good like he always does. He's strong to the core and knows like I do that good days always follow tough ones.

What happened to him in Scouts, what happened at PSU, what happened to all of us is bullshit, but he always shows me it does get better.

The house is decorated for Xmas and a large crew of really good college students were here last night to enjoy.

All the usual suspects were here including my sons pal "Evan-911" who lost his dad at World Trade Center. He's doing real good and shows me too it does get better.

There is nothing unique to the men here I lean on at MS. The people in my life are like those in your own. But we all see it does get better and I hope you do too.



_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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#377404 - 11/30/11 08:30 AM IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
kb8715 Offline
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Registered: 07/16/10
Posts: 808
What a great time of year to do something for another person.

So many kids may not have the holiday they hoped for this year. Want to see that it does get better? GIVE!

We always participate in the "Giving Tree" in our Parish. There are so many other ways such as TOYS FOR TOTS etc that make sure kids less lucky will smile this holiday.

Want to make your inner kid see it gets better? Do something today for a kid less fortunate right in your town.

Happy Holdiays all...It Does Get Better.


_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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#377508 - 12/01/11 01:01 AM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
mrwhiskers Offline


Registered: 02/22/04
Posts: 193
So true keith.....
I was talking about this same topic with my kids , every year they participate in "Keep them warm" and "Xtmas for all of our children", one is to donate winter blankets and warm clothes for poor and homeless people and the other one is to donate new or second hand toys for kids less fortunate , what amazes me is how my kids are always ready to help people in need, even my little sister, donates some of her toys, when i see my kids and how great kids they are, when i realise how blessed i am, all i can say is yeah, things are really better,
Happy Holidays keith
Happy Holidays all....

_________________________
"Dont be scared... angels r here" Maria Fernanda (Mafer)

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#377708 - 12/02/11 10:18 AM IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: mrwhiskers]
kb8715 Offline
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Registered: 07/16/10
Posts: 808
Gabe, thanks as always for your support. You show so many of us it does get better. No one I know has done more to care for family while also dealing with CSA then you. Proud to know you Gabe. Let me say this one again because it is a great time of year to let a kid less fortunate smile because of our efforts. Let it get better by helping a kid this holiday season:
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

What a great time of year to do something for another person.

So many kids may not have the holiday they hoped for this year. Want to see that it does get better? GIVE!

We always participate in the "Giving Tree" in our Parish. There are so many other ways such as TOYS FOR TOTS etc that make sure kids less lucky will smile this holiday.

Want to make your inner kid see it gets better? Do something today for a kid less fortunate right in your town.

Happy Holdiays all...It Does Get Better.


_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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#378128 - 12/04/11 02:37 PM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
kb8715 Offline
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Registered: 07/16/10
Posts: 808
Several of the men here I'm close to have found letting themselves love and be loved is healing. They are in places like Canada Europe Mexico Boston Michigan Florida and here in NYC.

Earlier this year none allowed themselves to fully embrace that emotion. Each said it was not time yet. Each one along the way said it to a woman or a man or a family member they do love. Watching you guys grow and heal makes me grow and heal with you each.

Let your love show. Take the risk. The proof of how that let's it get better is all around us here in MS.

Happy Holidays gents. It really gets better.

Keith

_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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#378130 - 12/04/11 02:47 PM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
Avery46 Offline


Registered: 09/23/10
Posts: 1243
Loc: USA
Originally Posted By: kb8715
Several of the men here I'm close to have found letting themselves love and be loved...


Well said!!! I have come here and read this post many times this year. I am single and consider myself more loveable at year end.

I Consider many of you to be a great friend and inspiration.

Peace,
Avery

_________________________
aka DJsport

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#378552 - 12/07/11 09:23 AM IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: Avery46]
kb8715 Offline
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Registered: 07/16/10
Posts: 808
I think @ 30,000 you get a tune up or some such thing.

I wish I had better words to help us all here. I mostly just repeat and repeat that this is a mind game only, that we are the only ones who hold us back, and that if I can do this you sure as hell can too.

Itís what I believe and what I have learned really.

Of course I owe that to so many of you here. I have made life long friends here in places like Mexico and Europe, In Boston, Michigan, Fla. and right in my own back yard.

One guy here told me ďeveryone needs a CanadianĒ. I got 2 or 3 Canadians thankfully. One of them has kicked my A$$ to be sure I saw I do a Damn good job as a Dad, just like his Dad does too. His cell is a Bat Phone for me I tell him.

All of my MS family are there for me, day or night if I need. I can call or IM each of them, and them me, on good days and bad.

We donít just talk CSA. Who the hell wants to do that? We talk music, parties, work, school, love life, family & pets. It gets better as we realize life is full and recovery is only one aspect of who we all are.

All this comes with trust you cultivate and earn through care, concern, & respect. It's nothing complicated really.

Man it so does get better. Be well.

Keith


_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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#378867 - 12/09/11 08:55 PM IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
kb8715 Offline
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Registered: 07/16/10
Posts: 808
Thank you all who read these thoughts. Thank you all who have trusted me to really know them and let me know you. The trust and respect we give each other by cell-text emails phone calls by knowing our full names and full lives and by ongoing support here and elsewhere is so healing to me and I hope you as well.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
I think @ 30,000 you get a tune up or some such thing.

I wish I had better words to help us all here. I mostly just repeat and repeat that this is a mind game only, that we are the only ones who hold us back, and that if I can do this you sure as hell can too.

Itís what I believe and what I have learned really.

Of course I owe that to so many of you here. I have made life long friends here in places like Mexico and Europe, In Boston, Michigan, Fla. and right in my own back yard.

One guy here told me ďeveryone needs a CanadianĒ. I got 2 or 3 Canadians thankfully. One of them has kicked my A$$ to be sure I saw I do a Damn good job as a Dad, just like his Dad does too. His cell is a Bat Phone for me I tell him.

All of my MS family are there for me, day or night if I need. I can call or IM each of them, and them me, on good days and bad.

We donít just talk CSA. Who the hell wants to do that? We talk music, parties, work, school, love life, family & pets. It gets better as we realize life is full and recovery is only one aspect of who we all are.

All this comes with trust you cultivate and earn through care, concern, & respect. It's nothing complicated really.

Man it so does get better. Be well.

Keith

______

_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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#378868 - 12/09/11 09:01 PM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
Anthony39 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/15/07
Posts: 345
Loc: Montreal, Canada
(((((((((((((((((((KEITH))))))))))))))))))))))))))
Lucky to have you in my life dude!!!!

_________________________
Look up and not down; look forward and not back; look out and not in; and lend a hand.
E. E. Hale


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eM213aMKTHg

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#378948 - 12/10/11 08:21 PM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: Anthony39]
mrwhiskers Offline


Registered: 02/22/04
Posts: 193
Hugs keith
What tio said :), plus 10,000 thanks

_________________________
"Dont be scared... angels r here" Maria Fernanda (Mafer)

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#379114 - 12/12/11 08:18 AM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: mrwhiskers]
kb8715 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/16/10
Posts: 808
"Thanks" is a very nice word we use to express gratitude to each other but its not needed either.

I never mean to minimize the hurt of abuse but the truth is MS is a place full of very accomplished men with huge potential.

But our closets loved ones only know the definition of "triggered" while we all know how that feels and are there to talk the other man back to peace.

That's how it works here. That's how it does get better.

_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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#380160 - 12/20/11 10:41 AM IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
kb8715 Offline
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Registered: 07/16/10
Posts: 808

Itís still the simple stuff that makes it get betterÖ..

You got to look around at what we have, not what we lost. It is that simple line of view that defines if we stay stuck in past pain or can thrive and help others all around us.

I keep saying I am no more fortunate than anyone here. No less fortunate as well.

Tonight my wife has us meeting @ 4.30pm in the parking lot of our Church. We are meeting a man named George who is raising 3 kids below the age of 12 alone. His family is sponsored by our Food Pantry and we will load his mini van up with good stuff for his kids.

I may think my wife is a Saint, but I sure as Hell am not. But I can do good things beside her each week, and I can teach those values to our kids, and I can share those thoughts with all who know me, including all of you.

Come on GentsÖ..we all can heal. Do something today for another person and see how good it feels. See through that gesture that is does get better.

Happy Holidays all.


_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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#380171 - 12/20/11 11:32 AM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
Castle Offline


Registered: 10/03/09
Posts: 727
Loc: NJ
I agree, and will add, sometimes, we need to do some things for ourselves too....To love ourselves buddy.

While you think of others, which is normal, I'll remind you to think of you.

_________________________

My posts can self destruct at any time..read them while you can.

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#380367 - 12/21/11 10:28 PM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: Castle]
kb8715 Offline
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Registered: 07/16/10
Posts: 808
Castle is right bout this stuff he's a real good friend to me & many here (though he drinks cheap bourbon less I'm buying).

Today a new a new guy pm'd me to say this stuff all helped though. I'm glad. That's the point of course. To never let any one give up more we each have already. It ain't easy always but we can do this.

It's mind over mind. Don't accept the hurt. Believe in yourself and see it does get better.

Happy holidays all.

Keith

_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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#380592 - 12/24/11 11:17 AM IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
kb8715 Offline
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Registered: 07/16/10
Posts: 808
Heading to Times Square and then to the Rock Center Tree for Xmas Eve. We kinda enjoy our own city when it's full of all you Tourists!

I wish you all a peaceful Holiday. Turn off your brains if you can and just enjoy.

Next year is on us and it's a time for us all to let it get better.

In ways In know that sounds hard to some of you, but it's really easy if you want it and will it for yourself. I see many here that are doing it.

I don't have a right to use their names but I really do speak for a bunch of guys right here who are thriving at home, at work, in school, in their relationships & in freindships.

So here is to 2012, and make the resolution now you will let it get better.

Nothing but the best to us all.

Keith


_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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#380594 - 12/24/11 12:15 PM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
skylar777 Offline


Registered: 11/15/11
Posts: 30
Loc: ohio
Merry Christmas Keith you ae so right . I always wondered what it must be like to live in a big city like NewYork. i have never been there and find it scary and enchanting as well. It must be different living in the city.

ok have a wonderful hoiday.

Skylar777

_________________________
the scares run deep within our bodies,mind and soul. Only the help from God and others like us can get us thru to the understanding we will over come.

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#382099 - 01/11/12 02:24 PM IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: skylar777]
kb8715 Offline
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It gets better sometimes when you take a break to consider the big picture in life.

Who wants to spend 24x7 being a survivor really?

There is more in life for us all. A lot of it is so damn good, and sure, some bruises us.

Iíve put my time (ok worry) on my oldest kidís health. Iím sure my survivor brain makes me worry more than needed but it is what it is.

And like always the guys here who really know me talked me down a bit from wanting to control shit I can not control.

Some guys here from places like NJ NYC, Mexico and Canada really take the time to be there for me and for each other. One guy up north gets it & always put me back in place.

Iím very blessed to have these friends I met at MS.

We may be here as survivors, but at times friends are simply friends, and man that so makes it get better.

Cheers...

Keith


_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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#382517 - 01/16/12 07:16 AM IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
kb8715 Offline
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It gets better when you look for the positives in what you have accomplished, and what you you can accomplished, and not become all consumed by the hurt.

The hurt, and the predictable side effects are real. But so are the good things in life.

There is a time and place to vent, and a time to count your winnings too.

Ask yourself if you have that balance. If you do not you risk getting stuck in your personal recovery.

I don't own this idea one bit guys. This one comes from the collective thoughts of a few guys here I dearly value who along with me know they are healing.

They range in age from 20-50, and live in places like NYC, Mexico, Boston and Canada. Though our abuse as boys brought us together, its our common demand that it does get better that makes us close.

If you post this week think about if there is something good you can share with us all. Man we all love to hear of the wins!

Cheers gents.....keep seeing that it does get better!


_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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#383019 - 01/21/12 11:21 AM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
peroperic2009 Offline
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It gets better: this morning ray of light greeted me from blue sky
It gets better: today my face was covered with full smile
It gets better: last night Iíve met friends didnít see for a while
It gets better: it is needed to stay positive from time to time...
It gets better because we were lost and now we know who we are
It gets better because we have this post by kb eighth seven one and five smile!

Pero

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#383047 - 01/21/12 07:48 PM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: peroperic2009]
KMCINVA Offline
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I guess it does. Good days bad days good nights and bad nights. The bad is hard tough to rebound. You see and feel the abuse, you shiver when the thoughts race through your mind. I see the priest who abused me as s child and others who tormented until the memories long buried destroyed. All these people I loved but now I am lost. Trying to rebuild. I have fears that keep me away. Still in office, fearing flashbacks, taunts, loneliness, and being treated like an outcast. I do not know anymore. Last night has me on edge sad and does it get better I may never know. Keep well everyone and thank you


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#383160 - 01/22/12 08:23 PM IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: KMCINVA]
kb8715 Offline
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Thanks Kevin, thanks Pero. Thanks to all of you who take the time to read my thoughts.

As always I wish none of us had to be here, and am thankful to so many here who help me see it does get better.

You have to see we were all good kids, and we are good men. Yea we have unique scars but they don't have to hold any of us back.

There is just too much good around us to enjoy. My feelings about this aren't unique, I can look around me at peers throughout MS who help me find these words through their recovery and through their support in mine.

Though our hurt at times caused many of us to isolate, I have found it was really trusting a few very good men here that has helped me see it does get better.

I'm just like the rest of you here at MS, truly I am. And for the pain I may feel at time I also am blessed.

40,000 reads huh? I hope it got better for you all....

Be well.

Keith


_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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#383225 - 01/23/12 10:04 AM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
dover2011 Offline
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Loc: AR
I am now into my first year of trying to recover from my sexual abuse. I was albe one year ago to open up about my sexual abuse to my pastoer. This was after 30 years of keeping it all locked up inside me. Which has caused many issues in my like two marrige that did not wok out. I am now on my 3rd marrige. I have had issues with intermicy, anger, the fact I no longer want to have sex at all, quit, shame, blame, low self esteam, fear, anger lot of it, depresstion, not able to show affection at all and when my wife dose I pull away why? why?. So for me recover has been very hard, in some ways I am better and in other ways I am not better. I see my T all most every week, I try to attend a support group from time to time. We do not have any program to help male from sexual abuse at all here in Arkansas. I am starting my own support group with my T. It is going very slow. I went to recovery weekend, last may it was very helpful in many ways, but it made it even harder on me, it brought a great deal of issues to the surface, I find it hard to tell my wife what is truly going on with me. She just dose not understand. She tend to feel it is that I am not attracted to her. See she has issues from her past as well, she was married to a drug addact. We never set up boundried at all. She has let her self get over weight and just dose not want to work on it. After three years. I also am going through many health issues which may cause me to have to give up my career. I want to find a program where I can go and get help. A 28 day program, I just can get help here any where, need it or my marrige will not last. See I laied to my wife at frist about my past, till she drilled me after hear from a old friend of mine about my past, she broke me down. I also told her my frist wife passed away from cancer, I did not want her to know I cheated on her and walk out on a six month old son. I also told her my mom was dead. See I had not talked to my mom for over 30 years. She abused me as well, my dad passed away when I was three years old. Then I wnet through two years of her checking up on me, reading my email, checking my cell phone, checking my face book, checking my mail, I had to put pass code on all my stuff, to stop her from doing this. She tell me I do not do this any more. Which she dose not, put it is because I have made it hard on her to mistreat me by over steping the boundies. I also told her I will not put up with it. I also told her back in may I love her and not in love with her, I told her I love her as much as I can love anyone, I do not know what love is. I also said I married her to give my kids a better life, she took it the wrong way, she through I married her just to make shore my kids had a place to live, see I was a singal dad for 9 years. I married her to have a better life as a family. What to do? What to do ?


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#383856 - 01/30/12 01:18 PM IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: dover2011]
kb8715 Offline
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Proof it gets better is all around us at MS if you look.

So many men I have come to value here are healing.

2 of us from MS met up at a 3rd guys house this Saturday and laughed watching him and his awesome wife and kids have a great time. Castle is a guy who grabbed me up day one and showed me it was gonna be ok. He's right. He lacks my swagger but he's right.

My buddy here with twins makes me smile everytime he shares a new fam pic. It sure keeps getting better for him I remind him.

There are 2 guys here my own son's age who make sure I'm sane every day. They know I'm not but they tell me otherwise! It means a lot to have made such true & loyal friends here. And there is nothing on earth more rewarding than seeing a young man kick the living shit out of CSA and recover.

Get some positive support and get going guys. All of us can heal, all of us can find reasons to be happy and enjoy life.

Best to us all.....


_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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#383859 - 01/30/12 02:59 PM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
KMCINVA Offline
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Well good positive support is what you need to get through this--I am learning this first hand. I have lived and remember those that make you feel trapped and violated by infringing on your privacy will not only worsen the feelings from the abuse and its effects but will also slow down the healing process. Your wife seems to be accepting it is not acceptable to spy.

Find people who value you and treat you with respect and support what you are enduring. Laugh and joke with your supporters. Laughter helps, enjoy the victories in the healing process.

Keep looking forward and remember the children and get the better life you want.


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#383862 - 01/30/12 03:21 PM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
gjonbos Offline
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smile

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Put in everything you ever took
Place your past into a book
Burn the pages let them cook"

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#383864 - 01/30/12 03:44 PM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: gjonbos]
Bradley P Offline


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Posts: 44
Loc: AR
dover, i wish there was one in AR. I have gone to a CR group for men (sexual abuse) but it didn't last long.

_________________________
"Life is for living, we all know...but I don't want to live it alone"-Chris Martin (Coldplay)

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#383917 - 01/31/12 06:35 AM IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: Bradley P]
kb8715 Offline
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Hey Kevin, yeah I have a great wife, and she would tell you she has a great husband. But we are not perfect, and not without various scars life is going to leave on any of us.

That's always my point. CSA hurt me, but it does not define me, my marriage, my kids, my friends, my life.

Any and all abuse is horrible. But what if we live to be 100? Should that one disticnt part of life always cloud all we are?

F*ck no!

The few men here I am really and truly close to agree. We push each other praise each other protect each daily. We are Dads husbands, boyfriends, brothers, son, execs, and college students.

We have nothing in common and could could not be closer.

We are men successfully overcoming CSA together and finding good cause to smile.

Heal well all......


_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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#383923 - 01/31/12 09:39 AM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
KMCINVA Offline
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Keith--I am happy for you and your wife--it is great to recognize perfection is an ideal and none of us will ever achieve. CSA has controlled me for so long-like I was two people--looking for what everyone looks for--love, happiness, joy and companionship and the other person who was controlled and defined by the CSA--why I did certain things I will never truly understand but accept they happened (as I continue to unravel my lost time)to fill a void, a need to control what happened--falsely thinking if I could recreate and control the acts I would erase the pain and hurt of the sexual abuse. It does not work because I now know I need to let go of the shame of CSA and not allow the abuser to continue to control my thoughts,actions and life. I am worthy of a good life. It is hard because the pain and memories are vivid.I learned at a young age not to trust and was confused as to why my body reacted to what he did to me and what he made me do to him. I was too young to understand the sexualization of CSA and it has confused me as to who I am since the locked memories took over five years ago.

CSA unfortunately seems to be defining me by a few people. Other friends, supporters and those who truly care see who I truly am--I am thankful for those people. I will continue to heal and my goal is to overcome the effects of CSA and other torments so I can have a good life. I have learned there will always be people who want you to fail so they can say I told you so--you are worthless--it seems they derive pleasure out of others hurts and pain--I guess it helps them to mask their own shortcomings, destructive actions and allows them to believe, falsely, they are better. They will create a life for themselves that is full of hurt and pain, because once down that path--they knock off one person, who will be next in the line of their fire.

It has taken me months to get to this point that it is me that needs to heal and I cannot let others destroy or hinder my healing--no matter how hard they try. In the end I know I will smile and have a good life and hopefully with a caring and loving woman at my side--where together we support each other, listen, cherish and respect and yes, and acknowledge our own weaknesses and mistakes.

Support is what everyone truly needs to heal. Without true love, laughter and joy in life we will have allowed our abusers to control and destroy our entire existence. Enough as my doctor says--you deserve good tomorrows-damn it she is right and I am going to have them.

This weekend I have an annual basketball gathering with college friends. I have told one of them what has happened and has been very supportive. The game and hopefully a victory for our team, then a dinner and breakfast the next day. It will be a great weekend. And of course Sunday with a Superbowl Party will give me time to be with friends and have laughter and joy. So I value supporters and friends.

So everyone should look to those who know how to be there for you--silence, a smile, a caring voice, a gentle touch. We all deserve it--I now know I deserve it.

Keep healing everyone--for our tomorrows should be bright and full of promise.



Edited by KMCINVA (01/31/12 10:13 AM)

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#383981 - 01/31/12 07:21 PM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: KMCINVA]
kb8715 Offline
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Kevin thanks but I don't think of my wife and I as lucky. We work hard like any couple to support each other and balance each others aches and pains.

And pal I'm no better at this than anyone else. But I have found it gets better because I demand that from life and because of the love around me at home and the love I get from a small very special group of friends here at MS.

I wish everyone even more than that .

Be well.

_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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#384519 - 02/05/12 11:09 PM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
Castle Offline


Registered: 10/03/09
Posts: 727
Loc: NJ
It does get bettter when you live a relatinship as a partnership, with trust and compromise. That compromise made me the new "dad" of a pet hedghog this weekend...I didn't really want a new pet, but the smiles from my wife an daughter were worth it...and to be able to give love to a creature is pretty cool, and makes one smile....I am enjoying her, and I believe she likes me laugh shhhhh, dont tell anybody.

So...It does get better, but like keith said above it's not luck so much as realy hard work. Compromise and balance is so crutial and can totally change things...The effort is worth it, from and for both parties.

Luck is winning the superbowl pool....TY laugh WOOT WOOT!

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My posts can self destruct at any time..read them while you can.

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#384687 - 02/07/12 10:34 AM IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: Castle]
kb8715 Offline
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Hedge Hog today Castle, Collie tomorrow. It get's better when you watch how your kids grow through the love of their dogs. One of my favorite memories was watching our oldest pick his dog from a liter of 6 and bring her home to his sisters.

Simple stuff like that can be so healing.

And yeah we can heal. I keep seeing it all over this place. So many good men making strides, rejecting the BS, refusing to be stuck, finding jobs, love, friendship, peace & hapiness.

So many good men coaching and encouraging each other here too.

My plan is to live a decent full life. In the end I'm sure what people will recall is that I was a good friend, a decent boss, a loving dad and husband, hopefully one day a super grand dad too.

It's a long time before the obit may be written, or the tombstone etched. But who the F*ck thinks it will mention I survived CSA? Ain't gonna happen gents.

It gets better because we want it to, and because we work towards that goal every day.

Be well all......


_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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#386167 - 02/17/12 09:08 AM IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
kb8715 Offline
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It gets better when you realize that you are not alone in believing that it can get better.

I know for some this is a huge battle. But like any other thing we have to fight for in life you and I can do it.

I know the pain is real. But many of us have known physical pain and know that subsides and goes away with time and care.

All things in life can get better I find. Sure new challenges crop up along the way, but we deal with them and keep moving. CSA and ASA canít be an exception.

Donít let yourself feel broken. We are not. Donít let yourself think you can not heal. We can.

Not a day goes by that I do not remember I am a survivor. Not a day goes by that I do not and reach out and connect with that small group of true friends I have made here to be sure they are ok, to let them each remind me that I am ok as well. They are healing, I am healing. You can too.

Maybe it just starts with believing that is does get better, but I really am feeling a greater level of peace than I have known in years. I am pretty sure I will need to do that every day, and I and my fellow survivors will do just that.

Be well all,

Keith


_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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#386520 - 02/20/12 01:31 PM IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
kb8715 Offline
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It gets better when you see people around you doing good caring things.

This weekend students at Penn State danced for 46 hours to fight pediatric cancer. Their THON raised $10.6m:

http://www.thon.org/

We don't take credit for the good people our oldest 2 kids are becoming. That's inside of them both really. But it is proof to me it does get better in so many ways.

I am just like each of you men here. Look around you and see what I see this week. Peace....


_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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#387507 - 02/27/12 01:57 PM IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
kb8715 Offline
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Sometimes its getter if you take a break from reading too much here @ MS.

The forums are a great place to vent at times, but you have to stay balanced, not see each concern raised as applying to us all, and most of all you need to stay positive and focus on healing, not living with the pain of the past.

We heal as we feel it, or stay stuck as we let ourself be stuck. There is no bright line to cross over to tell us we are healed, no award given out when we get there.

Healing to me is about finding peace. As I say each week I am bonded very tightly with a few men I met at MS who may let me speak, but agree we are doing it together. We listen to each others concerns, reinforce all the good we each have, and are always there for one another. Our goal has been simple and it is your goal too. We have become true survivors.

I am not a victim anymore. Iím not alone but in very good company with men of 20, 35, 45 who have worked hard with me to find peace and hapiness.

It ainít perfect. Some days those dumb old feelings creep in. But everytime my MS family kick me hard to clear my mind and move ahead.

Think positive, believe in recovery, believe in yourself, your friends, your family, your loved ones, and your family here.

Simply said, I wanted it to get better, I found others who believe, and together we have found it really does get better.


_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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#387534 - 02/27/12 06:01 PM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
KMCINVA Offline
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Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 1625


Well said Keith--finding that inner peace was the hardest, at least for me. It was then I began to accepted the abuse and accept I cannot change or hide from it--it is part of who I am. You are learning to live with what happened and no longer holding yourself responsible for the actions of others. It takes time and patience, but when you find some peace, life looks brighter and happier. You are stronger to handle those days when the pain, visions, sensations of the abuse with all the memories of the past creep into your thoughts or dreams.

I have followed the advise of many here--think positive and value yourself. So everyone here, we are healing together. Keep going!!!!


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#387670 - 02/28/12 07:20 PM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: KMCINVA]
kb8715 Offline
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Right on Kevin.

I have several scars on my right hand I got as a kid. They are always with me and will be there till I'm gone. They did not keep me from graduating college, getting good jobs, finding love, having great kids.

If scars all can see don't make mess less a decent man I refuse to let scars that don't show ever do that to me.

My hand got better. So will the rest of me.

Be well all.

_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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#387677 - 02/28/12 07:46 PM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
Avery46 Offline


Registered: 09/23/10
Posts: 1243
Loc: USA
Originally Posted By: kb8715
...They did not keep me from graduating college, getting good jobs, finding love, having great kids.

My hand got better. So will the rest of me.

Be well all.


kb, and all.

I am happy for you. Accomplishing the above is a great thing.

Physical scars do heal. I keep "working" at living.

_________________________
aka DJsport

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#390119 - 03/21/12 09:33 PM IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: Avery46]
kb8715 Offline
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A friend here asked me if I still think it gets better. A lot of us know it does.

Sometimes it gets better when you take time to care for your loved ones even if you put recovery just a bit in low gear. It's so good to have a loving and supportive family, but CSA of course can be just one of many challenges we all have to take head on in the course of our lives.

So please continue to see it does get better and take care of everything that matters in life , like I hope I am right now!

Best to you all.......

_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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#390122 - 03/21/12 09:40 PM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
Avery46 Offline


Registered: 09/23/10
Posts: 1243
Loc: USA
Originally Posted By: kb8715
...It's so good to have a loving and supportive family...


I'll bet it is. I know for me it is great to have loving and supportive friends who are my family now. BUT, I guess friends are not real family.

Hmmm....something to think about.

It does get better - I agree 100%. I was in T group tonight and reflected with each one in the group. As I was reflecting I realized for myself - my life is better. Thank God!!!

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aka DJsport

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#390124 - 03/21/12 09:43 PM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: Avery46]
traveler Offline
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Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3373
Loc: somewhere in Africa
Originally Posted By: Avery46
quote]It does get better - I agree 100%. I was in T group tonight and reflected with each one in the group. As I was reflecting I realized for myself - my life is better. Thank God!!!


It makes me so happy to "hear" you say that! Another encouragement for everyone...

Lee

_________________________
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago


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#391157 - 03/28/12 08:03 AM IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: traveler]
kb8715 Offline
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I watched a guy who trusts me disclose, confront, and get huge family support very recently. He's now immersed in a full array of professional care as a result.

From where I stand he's still a young man. Better said he's one of the bravest men I have ever come to know.

That's why I came here. I wish more of us could let go of the past & focus on today and tomorrow.

If you can not see that it gets better then you may need to do something else in your recovery. If you are stuck after more than a short period of time you need to look inside of you for the cause, not to those around you.

I never said this was easy, I keep saying it is very possible for those who truly want it however.

Be well.

_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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#391341 - 03/29/12 07:46 AM IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
kb8715 Offline
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I watched a guy who trusts me disclose, confront, and get huge family support very recently. He's now immersed in a full array of professional care as a result.

From where I stand he's still a young man. Better said he's one of the bravest men I have ever come to know.

That's why I came here. I wish more of us could let go of the past & focus on today and tomorrow.

If you can not see that it gets better then you may need to do something else in your recovery. If you are stuck after more than a short period of time you need to look inside of you for the cause, not to those around you.

I never said this was easy, I keep saying it is very possible for those who truly want it however.

Be well.

_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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#396631 - 05/09/12 04:34 PM IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
kb8715 Offline
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It gets betterÖit takes work.

The tight small crew I rely on here post rarely, never chat here anymore, but we are all making it. Yeah there are some hard days and rough spots, but damn we are loyal. We look out for each other, we talk, text, email, PM etc. and it works. We look out for each other. We push we pull we support we care. We let it get better for each other and for ourselves.

We all have full lives. Students, boyfriends, husbands, dads. That small group I met here who care for me and me them runs 20-45. Life gets complicated at times. We canít control the economy, the weather, or even the health of our loved ones, but we deal.

And we stay positive.

We work as a group to stay clear of negativity and the belief we cannot heal, because we can heal, and we are healing.

Thatís proof it does get better.

_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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#398233 - 05/23/12 11:51 PM IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
kb8715 Offline
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Posts: 808
Keep digging keep healing. That's what I have been saying to a man here I trust and rely on a lot.

It's not always easy to see it gets better. Some days I'm astonished by the challeneges the guys here i really know and care about overcome. Hey some days i can't beleive some of the shit I cross through as well.

But we do. We do because we are committed to recovery, committed to one another, committed to seeing it does get better and we are going to be alright.

Thanks to those guys guys from MS who care enough for me to watch my back. They know I got their backs too.

_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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#398667 - 05/29/12 07:07 AM IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
kb8715 Offline
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Registered: 07/16/10
Posts: 808
In some ways I'm just closing out one of the toughest weeks I've known. One of the guys here who pushes me says life happens, and there are no excuses not to deal. It gets better when we deal and fix things, not sit back stuck in fear or pain.

This week had zero to do with me, everything to do with a loved one. I wanted control I wanted answers and really still have neither. But I did good getting through it. Not perfect, yea the fear and anxiety crept in, but I fought it off pretty good, and friends helped me. Those friends are neighbors who value us, and a couple guys here who show daily they would do anything to aid in OUR recoveries.

That small group from MS that I lean on are just like you or me. But each has made huge strides in recovery. It's been nothing but hard work, desire, focus and great peer support.

Don't stay stuck. Stay clear of negativity. Lean on the right people. Believe in yourself. Accept that life happens and realize it does get better.


_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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#399339 - 06/04/12 08:17 AM IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
kb8715 Offline
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Registered: 07/16/10
Posts: 808
Believe in yourself, believe in the good that freinds and familiy can bring us.

Believe in the support you can give to and get from a fellow survivor here. There is no more loyal a friend you will find then a man who understands how we feel at times.

I don't beleive in staying stuck, refuse to believe it can't get better. It can get better and has.

If you can't yet see it, dig deep, get support & help, do what it takes.

We were brusied, never broken. Wounds heal, scars fade.

Do it.

_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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#400454 - 06/14/12 08:59 PM DADs: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
kb8715 Offline
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A very happy Fathers Day to the great dads who are here.

To those with no dad or bad Dads, be the better man through your recovery.

To those with great dads supporting them, hug them tight.

And to you who trust me and showed me I am a great Dad, you know what your support and friendship will always mean.

It does get better.
_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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#402035 - 06/28/12 09:30 AM IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
kb8715 Offline
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Registered: 07/16/10
Posts: 808
It does get better and it has.

Maybe those if us healing are too silent at times but Asa and CSA does not need to limit in any way who we are.

We are strong proud brave men overcoming a terrible wrong. But we can heal and it does get better.

Thanks to us who are always there for me everyday reminding me through word and action of that what I say is true.

Peace to us all.
_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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#403834 - 07/16/12 08:42 PM IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
kb8715 Offline
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I took a hard fall. I am dusting myself off. Too much real life drama does that. That's life and we have to deal.

I stared at monsters for the first time in a long time. No fun for us all.

But I used the tools, Therapy, meditation, wife. Peer support, and it helps.

You new guys here need to see it does get better. Its a hard unfair fight but one worth doing.

So please keep at it and please be well all. Above all believe in your recovery and believe always that we were good kids and are good mem.
_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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#403836 - 07/16/12 09:10 PM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
Magellan Offline
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Registered: 12/31/10
Posts: 1402
Loc: California
It's gotten a *LOT* better for me.

Gone are the years of self hate and negative self talk, the horrible things I used to think to myself about who I was and what I was worth.

Gone are the weeks and weeks of unending suicidal ideation and horrendous depression.

Gone are the crippling negative beliefs that I can never overcome and I can never achieve my hearts desires.

I still have lots of work to do, oh yes. But I am no longer overwhelmed with all the unrelenting demons that being a survivor of CSA gave me.

I finally feel like I have SOME power over my own destiny, and that has made all the difference.

It gets better. How do I know? I'm walking proof of it.

D


_________________________
It's a heroes journey, and you are the hero.

Loving Kindness Meditation will dramatically improve your spirits; give it a try for just 3 days: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sz7cpV7ERsM

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#405499 - 08/01/12 08:53 AM IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
kb8715 Offline
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Registered: 07/16/10
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Use the tools as needed we have been taught: Therapy, meds, peer support, journaling, & for those who have it, Faith.

If you stare into the faces of the Monsters who hurt us you will see they were weak, and we are really the strong ones who have the courage & will win.

Remind yourself it can and does get better, because it does.

Quietly but daily I see men here who are now true friends, constantly exceed their own expectations of recovery and get from life everything they truly deserve.

Take time to celebrate yourself. Make time for fun as well.

Especially to the new men here, be one of those men who are winning the fight...It does get better.

_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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#405520 - 08/01/12 12:27 PM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
bodyguard8367 Offline
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Registered: 05/16/12
Posts: 1159
Loc: ""
""


Edited by bodyguard8367 (02/26/14 07:45 PM)
Edit Reason: SILENCED

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#407140 - 08/17/12 10:02 PM IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
kb8715 Offline
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Registered: 07/16/10
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At times when I read the forum I get sad for the collective pain we all have to endure to recover fully. I see new names here and I wonder how is it so many of us could have been hurt as kids. I literally pray at night there be no new survivors.

But I believe in recovery though I know it's hard.

I know there is a silent # of us healing and thriving too. Some of those silent members are very close friends to me now. They are doing really good but yeah, with speed bumps along the way. Its part of the proces, but climb higher after each bump.

Peer support can be so awesome. Please find someone here who will be with you on good ones and tough ones too.

Gents, please stay strong and please believe it can get better. No matter what your burden is today realize courage sometimes is saying I will try again tomorrow.

Be well all.
_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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#408120 - 08/27/12 05:10 PM IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
kb8715 Offline
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Registered: 07/16/10
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There is a profound post up these on "What did we Loose".

I respect the thought, have felt it badly at times too.

It gets better when we consider instead, WHAT DID WE GAIN.

I'm just a survivor like us all. I realize we tend to make similar mistakes, have similar side effects, etc.

But in recovery I gained back a sense of self value, could see clearly I am a very good & loyal husband, have been shown here by a guy my kids age that I am a great dad, and have had a chance in recovery to help some very fine people here, and help people all around my home.

I never credit abuse or recovery for the good things we do. I think those steps come natural to us because we were good kids and are good men.

But I credit recovery for letting me see clearly that the good in us can overcome the hurt abuse left behind.

I still say it does get better. I hope it does for us all.
_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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#408122 - 08/27/12 05:14 PM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
Country Offline


Registered: 02/29/12
Posts: 642
Loc: Alabama
Great post Kb
_________________________
Ephesians 6:13

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

Ephesians 5:25

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

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#408129 - 08/27/12 06:42 PM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
cant_remember Offline
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MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/05
Posts: 1039
Yes, thanks for being a cheerleader. We all needed that.

We're stronger than our abuse.
_________________________
Recovery is possible. Hang in there, brothers.

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#409823 - 09/11/12 10:23 AM IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
kb8715 Offline
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Registered: 07/16/10
Posts: 808
My son's close friend lost his Dad on 9-11. The boys were 10 that year.

His pal has become a survivor in his own way, and some of the effects familar to us show in this young man along the way.

But he's a strong man today doing well at a great university.

I've always been real proud of the way my son and his pals supported this man from the moment 11 years ago today we got the call that his dad was missing @ WTC.

Behind my back this guy, my son, & crew call me the "back-up Dad", and I hate that because I hate the need for someone to step in for his Dad. I hate it a lot.

But I'm real proud of his pal and often I remind myself that if he can overcome his own terrible loss at the age of 10, so can I.

So even on 9-11 here in NYC I can say that it does get better.
_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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#412680 - 10/10/12 08:05 AM IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
kb8715 Offline
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Registered: 07/16/10
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The pain men describe here is real. But so is recovery.

Often times the forum is a place for good men to vent their hurt, & I respect that. But equally we have to see we can undue what was horribly done.

Ask your Therapist as I have and they will tell you it comes down to the tenacity any of us have to overcome very true hurt.

It comes down to refusal to let your life be defined by some monster we met as a kid. We define who we are, not them.

I always say I am no better than anyone here because I am not. I realize the effects are pretty common to us all, but they are not the real us, the effects are illusions left behind.

Quiety out of sight there are men like me working with men like you to personally overcome abuse. There are men I met here at MS who astonish me with their guts determination compassion, support, and their true success.

I realize those real friends to me now will spend the rest of our lives cheering for each other and always pushing up further in recovery & in life.

Surviors of abuse become great students, brothers, incredible partners, uncles, spouses, parents, leaders, volunteers, teachers & friends.

I know it first hand by way of a few men I have met here who never post but every day inspire me to cherish what we have, and what we still will gain.

As a clergy abuse victim I pray each night for every survivor, and pray for the safety of kids everywhere. That's me.

It's gets better. It really does......

_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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#412684 - 10/10/12 09:30 AM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
KMCINVA Offline
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Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 1625
Wonderful statements--so true. You hit on so many points that are relevant to our healing-venting, supporting, cheering each other on and most importantly putting the monster in its place--not letting it define who we are or will become. I know my own healing journey has taught me many things about myself and what I want in life. I think I am no different than all survivors--striving for a life I now know I deserve--free to love, free to show emotions, free not to be ashamed or devalue who I am because of the abuse, free of letting others destroy and hurt me. It has also given me hope to grow and live the life I deserve as well as to show compassion for others--because I do not know their torment or past--they too may have been shattered or hurt in their lives so as to create their own facade to protect themselves. The value of human life is what life is all about. I see a change in myself and others have seen a happier and more caring person who is willing to help others-I always did in the past but now it is without reservation in my heart and mind instead of a way to compensate for feeling damaged or broken.

I also have learned never judge until you walk in someone's shoes. I have been judged--tried and convicted--without others understanding my life. I have read about the effects of childhood sexual abuse on the mind and brain--it helps me to understand the lost time and and gaps in memory and time. Amazing the research that is being undertaken on the hippocampus--a small part of the brain in the cortex region. It is believe to play an important role in memory--including why memories are repressed, trauma impact and why we dissociate during trauma and years after. It has been noted victims of childhood sexual abuse have smalled hippocampus and thus it differently impacts their memories and reactions to trauma and turmoil--triggering nightmares, flashbacks and dissociative states. It helps to eliminate the thoughts of I must be crazy why do I not remember everything in my life and where did the time go.That thought has haunted me for a lifetime. Now if people want to judge they should look at the research before passing judgment.

Hopefully some good comes from this horrible monster. Thank you for you words and insight.

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#412712 - 10/10/12 03:01 PM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
iambubba Offline


Registered: 04/24/12
Posts: 31
Loc: Canada
Like so many have already said thank you for this cause it makes that light at the end of that tunnel flicker even brighter.
I'm ready to make changes and the support here is amazing. If I can offer anything to anyone...I am here to return the support.
Bub

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#412902 - 10/12/12 10:26 AM IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
kb8715 Offline
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Registered: 07/16/10
Posts: 808
If we define ourselves first as survivors I guess that is what we are destined to be.

If we assume we can not heal I guess we will not.

If we think the world is entirely bad and uncaring I don't think we will see the good that is all around us.

I am a husband, a dad, a friend. I work by choice in a place where people are born, others are saved each day.

I struggle at times with the effect of abuse. Men here I trust kick my ass when it does. I do the same for them. It works.

I don't think of the 1 or 2 men who work recovery with me as survivors. They are true friends who happen to be survivors.

It gets better when you put it all in perspective and see this is one part of who we are. Don't let this one part of life consume you.

Push away the doubt and negativity. See that we are good men and we can heal. It's happening right here @ MS.
_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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#412906 - 10/12/12 11:35 AM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
cant_remember Offline
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MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/05
Posts: 1039
Maybe it's all a matter of perspective and font color.
_________________________
Recovery is possible. Hang in there, brothers.

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#412990 - 10/13/12 08:07 AM IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
kb8715 Offline
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Not sure of the font color but I like it.

And no I don't think recovery is about perspective. I think it is about courage tenancity will guts determination that all of us can look inside and find.

It is about having a good T at times, but most of all I found it is about great support around us and here at MS.

Let it get better and keep healing.
_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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#413075 - 10/14/12 10:04 AM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
lapchinj Offline
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Registered: 06/07/11
Posts: 1181
Loc: New York
Peace,Rainbows & Healing

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#413082 - 10/14/12 12:24 PM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
cant_remember Offline
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Registered: 02/26/05
Posts: 1039
Jeff,

You are stronger than I, and stronger than most. I am profoundly grateful to call you a friend and a fellow survivor.

Just because you were the "top" for younger boys in those movies does *not* make you their abuser. Had you said no, you would have been replaced by another young "top" to do what they wanted, and you probably would have gotten worse than the cattleprod for your defiance.

You acted not out of free will, but out of survival. You were enslaved, and now you are free.

Cant
_________________________
Recovery is possible. Hang in there, brothers.

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#413098 - 10/14/12 04:55 PM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: cant_remember]
petercorbett Offline
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MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/27/08
Posts: 2435
Loc: TEXAS
Hi, my brothers,

It really does get better.

There are no magic pills, not with any elixirs nor any kind of snake oil, to help.

Just plain guts, determination, faith in that innocent inner child within us.

It will cost us plenty. It will take it's emotional, mental & physical toll on us. Not to mention the monetary part.

We will at times of deep guilt & shame, which doesn't belong to us in any way shape of form, hurt so bad & want to give up the struggle. End our pain forever by thinking of harming ourselfs.

We will spend a lot of our emotional energy, doubting & second guessing ourselfs, about what we had to endure (I fell in love with my perp) & what we might have done to others. In some cases being tortured, drugged, forced into harming other young boys/girls for our abusers. They, the young boys/girls are like us they are also innocent victims.

Four years ago when all this came back into my conscious mind at the age of 69 1/2, I wished that I could have carried all of this to my grave.
It was too hard emotionally, mentally & physically on this old boy. I had thoughts of pulling the plug (the S word). Those voices & feelings were with me for 2 weeks. I was in deep clinical depression at that time. A voice came to me, and it was my inner child. Telling me big guy, make the most important 'phone call of your life. I did. I got help. I survived for another day.

That young boy named Pete, was disappointed in his big guy in a big way. He put it to me rather bluntly. Hey, big guy, I kept us alive for 69 1/2 years buried in the depths of your mind & soul in shame & guilt, etc.
Big guy, after just one year of you trying to come to terms with our youth, you thought it was too tough. Shame on you.
My 69 1/2 years vs your one year. Come on old boy, get with the program we have some more living to do.

It hasn't been an easy journey as you all very well know. Sure, i'm still second guessing myself, sure i'm still doubting myself.

I do come to these pages and learn how to work through some of it from my brothers here. We'll share our compassion, understanding, hope & love for one another. Giving each other hope & courage to go on.

Young Pete & big Pete both agree that it does get better eventually, especially a bit easier with your help. Please NEVER give up, NEVER.

Wishing my brothers here well on your journey together with me on this road to becoming a survivor. I didn't know me until now.

"I will take that lost boys hand, and I will lead him from the depths of darkness, into the sunshine, forever into eternity." As he is me.

Pete..Irishmoose.
_________________________
Working Boys' Home 10-14 yrs old, grades 5-8. 1949-1953
____________________________________________________________
A very humble alumni of the WOR Dahlonega, GA.
May 15-17 2009, Alta, Sep. 2009. Sequoia, 2010.
Hope Springs, 2010.


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#413116 - 10/14/12 09:25 PM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
lapchinj Offline
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Registered: 06/07/11
Posts: 1181
Loc: New York
Peace,Rainbows & Healing

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#413121 - 10/14/12 09:43 PM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
lapchinj Offline
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Registered: 06/07/11
Posts: 1181
Loc: New York
Peace,Rainbows & Healing

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#413130 - 10/14/12 11:43 PM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: lapchinj]
petercorbett Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/27/08
Posts: 2435
Loc: TEXAS
(((Jeff))),

This is directed to you mostly, but also will pertain to others somehow.

The BIG difference between you (a very young boy) having to do things against his will, by torture, drugs, coercion, etc, to other VICTIMS like HIM. You were a boy. You were under the age of reason. You were way to immature to comprehend nor understand what was happening to you. You were a boy.

Those of whom you speak about soldiers whom were "just following orders" were adults. Above the age of reason. They could have made the proper choice. Even at the expense of retribution. I clearly understand that they would be executed if they did not follow orders. But there were legions of them that followed their conscience on the difference of fighting for their country and the difference of crimes against humanity.

You were just a boy. An INNOCENT VICTIM, just like those other kids, also INNOCENT VICTIMS that you had to do certain unspeakable things too.

Suicide, our ultimate solution to pay for our innocence.

Probably said too much already. But we have to learn to believe in our innocence. Believe in ourselfs. Yes, my brothers as we all know all to well, that's easier said than done.

Wishing you all well in healing.

"I will take that lost boys hand, and I will lead them from the depths of darkness, into the sunshine, forever into eternity." As he is me.

Pete..Irishmoose.
_________________________
Working Boys' Home 10-14 yrs old, grades 5-8. 1949-1953
____________________________________________________________
A very humble alumni of the WOR Dahlonega, GA.
May 15-17 2009, Alta, Sep. 2009. Sequoia, 2010.
Hope Springs, 2010.


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#413239 - 10/16/12 01:46 AM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
lapchinj Offline
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Registered: 06/07/11
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Loc: New York
Peace,Rainbows & Healing


Edited by lapchinj (03/17/13 10:36 AM)

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#413548 - 10/18/12 05:24 PM IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
kb8715 Offline
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Registered: 07/16/10
Posts: 808
Jeff....I am sorry for all of your pain. All of our pain really. I work in NYC and know many of the places you describe well. It's hard to realize so much bad does happen on streets we walk each day. But my words to you are that you must be one hell of a husband, dad, and grand dad...and thats what counts always.

Moose...thanks always for you kind words.

And yes, I do feel like more of us should document we can over come the true hurt of abuse. New members need to see it, old members should not leave this site as some do because they only see the hurt, never the hope.

The man who has helped me most in this process astonishes me with his success in recovery. And that lifts me up in ways too. I tell him often we went to Hell and have come back, and yea, early recovery is simply that.

This weekend I told him I realized that at one time we were both more afraid of life than we may have been death, and that is so f*cked. Because life can be very good & we each have a shot to make it better for ourselves and for others.

There are men here overcoming ever lousy effect ASA and CSA causes. I am just one of them. I know I speak for others.

It does get better....

Be well all. Please heal and find peace.
_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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#413562 - 10/18/12 07:30 PM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3373
Loc: somewhere in Africa
kb -

you are right - it can get better - IF we put in the effort - and then it gets worse - and then better again - and then worse than ever - and then better than before ... and so on. i have to believe that the worse times will keep diminishing and the better times will keep increasing - both of them improving in both duration and in intensity. like one of the members says - it's a "roller-coaster"!!!

and hopefully - unlike most thrill rides, it will end on a higher level than it starts.

you gotta believe!
Lee
_________________________
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago


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#414337 - 10/26/12 08:30 AM IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
kb8715 Offline
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MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/16/10
Posts: 808
Some here think people donít care. I disagree. I think people can become overwhelmed or have their own good causes, but that does not show a lack of care.

We should not compare causes either. Any good we do stands on its own merit.

I see that the men I know very personally here all give back in their communities. One participates in extreme sport competitions for charity and is going to be a school teacher. One works with an emergency family shelter and wants to be an EMT. A 3rd plans to be a cop. Another is an awesome stay at home dad.

They are each true MS survivors. They each dealt with the pain and side effects. They each learned to love themselves. And as I watched, each found real love in a women who saw all the good in them & not simply the hurt or pain.

Iím lucky to know these MS members as true friends and to be supported by them always.

Last Sunday all 3 kids were out working on causes they care about. One was at Niagara Falls raising $ís for kids with Cancer. The youngest was out working for our local Food Pantry. The big brother showed up there with his team of college students also out fighting pediatric cancer to throw his kid sister his support. That made her day, and mine too.

That value in our home of helping others comes from my wife, not me. But Iím happy to get dragged all over our town as she helps others in our town less fortunate.

I think people care a lot really. It shows in many ways.

If you are stuck right now go out and get involved in your town with a cause. It will do so much for you.

Reject the idea we cannot heal. Reject the idea people do not care.

I do not wear rose tinted glasses. But I can clearly see it does get better.
_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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#414351 - 10/26/12 10:42 AM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
lapchinj Offline
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Registered: 06/07/11
Posts: 1181
Loc: New York
Peace,Rainbows & Healing

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#414359 - 10/26/12 11:17 AM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: lapchinj]
petercorbett Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/27/08
Posts: 2435
Loc: TEXAS
Jeff,

You are damn right I don't like you using that word D*****n, what does that word mean to me?

Dungeon, a dark place, a place of torture & pain, a place of no hope, a place of death.

What is our, replacement word? You know the one that this thick headed Irish boy/man tries to drill into that thick headed Jewish boy/man.

BUNKER, a brighter place, a place of hope,a place of safety & a place of survival.

There, my brother Jeff, is where we should go to in rough times.

Which one of these two places does it get better in?

Come on my brother, Jeff you were in the AF too. Which one would you head for in tough times?

Shalom, my brother, Shalom.

"I will take that lost boys hand, and I will lead him from the depths of darkness, into the sunshine, forever into eternity." As he is me.

Pete..Irishmoose.


Edited by petercorbett (10/26/12 11:51 AM)
_________________________
Working Boys' Home 10-14 yrs old, grades 5-8. 1949-1953
____________________________________________________________
A very humble alumni of the WOR Dahlonega, GA.
May 15-17 2009, Alta, Sep. 2009. Sequoia, 2010.
Hope Springs, 2010.


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#414384 - 10/26/12 04:18 PM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
lapchinj Offline
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#414388 - 10/26/12 05:08 PM IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
kb8715 Offline
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Some here think people donít care. I disagree. I think people can become overwhelmed or have their own good causes, but that does not show a lack of care.

We should not compare causes either. Any good we do stands on its own merit.

I see that the men I know very personally here all give back in their communities. One participates in extreme sport competitions for charity and is going to be a school teacher. One works with an emergency family shelter and wants to be an EMT. A 3rd plans to be a cop. Another is an awesome stay at home dad.

They are each true MS survivors. They each dealt with the pain and side effects. They each learned to love themselves. And as I watched, each found real love in a women who saw all the good in them & not simply the hurt or pain.

Iím lucky to know these MS members as true friends and to be supported by them always.

Last Sunday all 3 kids were out working on causes they care about. One was at Niagara Falls raising $ís for kids with Cancer. The youngest was out working for our local Food Pantry. The big brother showed up there with his team of college students also out fighting pediatric cancer to throw his kid sister his support. That made her day, and mine too.

That value in our home of helping others comes from my wife, not me. But Iím happy to get dragged all over our town as she helps others in our town less fortunate.

I think people care a lot really. It shows in many ways.

If you are stuck right now go out and get involved in your town with a cause. It will do so much for you.

Reject the idea we cannot heal. Reject the idea people do not care.

I do not wear rose tinted glasses. But I can clearly see it does get better.
_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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#417628 - 11/29/12 10:18 AM IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
kb8715 Offline
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Please donít feel defeated by the process of recovery. The tools are there, recovery can happen, Ghosts of the past really canít hurt us. It can get better.

I donít read the forums too much anymore. I know people need to vent but we have to be careful not to overwhelm each other with sadness and negativity, and see we can regain much of what was lost. I know we can, I see those few I am really close to from MS making strives every day. You have to seek out the positive here and learn first-hand good men are healing and giving up nothing in life that counts. It is not meds, not Therapy etc that made the difference. Itís a desire to heal, love, & laugh, help others that matter and make the difference.

I am watching a non-survivor who is very important to me struggle with a painful and serious health condition now. Heís angry, sad, and scared too . But heís refusing to give in and is determined to overcome his challenge. We can too.

I've sat and worked with many Hurricane survivors who lost everything they had and yet are thankful to be alive. So should we.

Iím really not sure recovery comes from the past at all anymore. I think it comes by letting it get better today.
_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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#421914 - 01/12/13 09:53 AM IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
kb8715 Offline
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I'm watching a loved face a life threatening illness.

Few people I know love life more than they do. And they never had it easy, they have known real pain for years. But they look beyond that and see what its all really about.

None of us caused our abuse or deserved it. But not society not the press not the government or our friends and family own our recovery. Only we do. Look anywhere else for the answer and you likely might not get past GO.

It only gets better if you want it to.

Either way I wish everyone all the best.
_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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#421918 - 01/12/13 11:41 AM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
lapchinj Offline
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#421937 - 01/12/13 06:56 PM IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
kb8715 Offline
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I'm watching a loved one face a life threatening illness.

Few people I know love life more than they do. And they never had it easy, they have known real pain for years. But they look beyond that and see what its all really about.

None of us caused our abuse or deserved it. But not society not the press not the government or our friends and family own our recovery. Only we do. Look anywhere else for the answer and you likely might not get past GO.

It only gets better if you want it to.

Either way I wish everyone all the best.
_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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#425369 - 02/15/13 01:18 PM IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
kb8715 Offline
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I respect the anger and the hurt, been there done it too at times. But I know it gets better.

That small handful of MS memebers who I truly know all have made huge strides, all are healing. Yea, its possible. So please never give in to the fear we can not recover.

Recently the guy I most partnered with here in recovery said, "we are crazy, crazy is good, crazy is different, what's wrong with crazy?". Not a damn thing. Crazy can be real good.

And that loved one I mentioned still faces the fight of his life with Cancer. But watching him refuse to yield reminds me we can not either.

Life is short, there are no promises, we all have to find a way to be at peace and do some good along the way...
_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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#425391 - 02/15/13 03:44 PM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
1lifenow Offline


Registered: 03/07/11
Posts: 398
Loc: west coast
Originally Posted By: kb8715

Life is short, there are no promises, we all have to find a way to be at peace and do some good along the way...


Mr. Keith

I so agree with this last post. Its so tough sometimes to not live in the anger and the hurt. Some call it the Karma of what happened, the bad ju ju that can pervade our lives or as mel brooks might say the schwartz is not with us. But I prefer this following concept:

Herman Kuhn, quoting from Tattvarthasutra, describes karmas as "a mechanism that makes us thoroughly experience the themes of our life until we gained optimal knowledge from them and until our emotional attachment to these themes falls off"

I find that the more knowledge and insite i can come to through any means, the less power it seems to have over me. I was lucky enough to have a valentines dinner last night made with love by my bf of three months. He knows about the CSA, the ADHD and the history of the truly irrational behavior that can although never really be understood, can now at least help be explained. And he loves me inspite of it, because of it, who knows. Its part of what makes me who i am but its not all that i am.

I struggle every day, but its not the same struggle everyday. Dark clouds will always be on the horrizon and I do get angry, tired, frustrated and rail at the heavens sometimes. But eventually the shadows lift, the skies brighten and hell ya, it does get better.


I love this image cuz in the dark side there is an 'eye' of light and on the bright side a 'window' to the dark broken side. Yes in many ways we are damaged, affected, injured but we in our short time can like you said, we can refuse to yield. So the revenge or the wheel of karma can turn in our favor if we make it so by living the fking createst lives we can, perservering what and only what we are capable of. I ask you, What more can be asked?

Thanks again Keith

grant
_________________________
The need for love lies at the very foundation of human existence. Dalai Lama

WoR Barrie 2011

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#425405 - 02/15/13 05:39 PM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
lapchinj Offline
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Edited by lapchinj (03/17/13 10:21 AM)
_________________________
Stick around, It will get better....

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#425674 - 02/18/13 08:26 AM IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
kb8715 Offline
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The Doctors have said a good mental attitude is key in a Cancer fight.

Early on when I needed a T, the same was said of recovering from CSA.

Hang on to the pain, that is all you will know. Want to blame the world for our hurt, and there will be plenty of choices.

But the world did not let us down, an individual or in some cases individuals did. It's a God awful thing that kids are ever hurt in any way, but healing and recovery is happening all around us.

We don't own any aspect of the CSA that took place, but we 200% own our individual recoveries. And plenty do recover.

It's gets better when we see that.
_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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#426775 - 02/28/13 02:30 PM IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
kb8715 Offline
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One of the Mods reached out to see how I was.

Nice folks our Mods, huh!

I advocated with him like I always do in these rants:

FORM A PEER SUPPORT NETWORK!!!!!!!!

I did not join MS assuming I would make a couple life long friends who I know will always be there with the right words or actions, day or night.

If you don't have a few fellow survivors like that in you recovery tool kit, you are missing a key to the lock.

There is a silent majority healing here in ways that astound me. I hope you each are part of that group of thrivers.

Get's better if you work the plan.

Thanks to those who look out for me. Thanks for letting me have your backs as well.

Oh and thanks for asking SamV
_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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#430304 - 04/06/13 01:29 AM IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
kb8715 Offline
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Maybe sometimes if you take a step back and look at the bigger picture you can see it gets better.

Sexual abuse of a child is a horrible thing but there are many things life will throw at all living beings that you either will stand up to or be consumed by. Standing is the only option. Life is worth living.

I have spent the last year watching someone who matters a lot ask as we do, why me? He raged he got scared he fought against the support provided he acted out at times, he never gave up.

He's got scars on his chest ribs and back, and I'm sure his soul to show for it. But he's not given up or given in. He's thinking a tatoo over the rib scars that reads "This Too Shall Pass" might say it all.

His fight was never about CSA but he would swear to you it does get better. He would greatly thank a special few of you for always helping his Dad through his fight too.
_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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#430334 - 04/06/13 10:51 AM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
ThisMan Offline
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Registered: 01/22/13
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Loc: upper south
Kind Sir- kb,

I have been posting and reading on the MS site since mid-January. I have never met you, but this morn I read the first post in this thread from 2011 and then skipped a few pages and read more of what you wrote. Your words lift me up and remind that each day someone somewhere close by needs an affirming word or smile or whatever.

I probably am too old now to break with much success the habit of being a "loner", but I have developed a nice circle of friends that I can call if need be. As you said, step out and help others. Well, again, you are correct on that. I am now a volunteer at several organizations, all since the first of the new year, including the local AVOL which really needs emotionally mature, intelligent people to lift others up. And in the process of helping others, my burdens are lightened.

I have also been with someone close who dealt with cancer. Her fight was, as you say, not about CSA or addiction or even about dignity. It was about making "tomorrow" the best it could be by loving and caring and reaching out as long as possible. It was about making each ensuing day better than the day before.

I lift you up, sir, and thank you for giving me thoughts worth reading and moments worth recalling. For you, I wish continued strength of heart.

b
_________________________
For now we see through a glass, darkly.



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#430345 - 04/06/13 01:13 PM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
Castle Offline


Registered: 10/03/09
Posts: 727
Loc: NJ
Kb is an awesome dude..... hope he reads your post.

It does get better.
_________________________

My posts can self destruct at any time..read them while you can.

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#430521 - 04/08/13 01:37 PM IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
kb8715 Offline
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Thanks, itís very kind of you both to say . Itís not always easy to stay upbeat about any aspect of life. CSA is God awful, but recovery from any trauma possible. It takes some ongoing TLC, but we can heal & thrive. I've seen it guys.

Just this weekend a good friend asked me to sit and talk because he was having 9-11 flashbacks. He was at WTC, saw it all. Some work stress clearly had triggered him. Sounds familiar right?

But I donít look at him as my 9-11 survivor friend, he does not know of my CSA; he just values me as a pal.

I had not looked back to what I wrote way back till now. Itís nice in that many of the people I mention have really healed. Now and then I see a post saying where are these guys? Well I can account for some I know as real names faces and voices, not screen names. And they are doing well. They are the silent majority @ MS working with their support group to thrive.

The guy I am closest to @ MS never posts or chats. He has truly defined himself and healed early in life. Part of that is being a loyal friend, a trusted source of peer support on recovery, but ultimately the measure of him, or any of us, is that he is a very good man who will do good everywhere. CSA gets no credit for any of that.

I suppose we all could regret having to make that type friendship here & this way, but in the end it gets better when you see recovery is possible, survivor support makes a difference, and the only label worth putting on another man who helps is the label of being called a true friend.
_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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#430529 - 04/08/13 02:52 PM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
Castle Offline


Registered: 10/03/09
Posts: 727
Loc: NJ
Great words as always, dude.

I too have a bunch of friends from here, from all around the world, actively healing and taking the steps to live life.

Unfortunately not enough of the success stories are heard, doesn't mean they†as not happening.

Sure there are bumps, but its definitely worth it.

Good Support group with boundaries has helped.


Edited by Castle (04/08/13 02:54 PM)
_________________________

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#438137 - 06/14/13 12:03 AM HAPPY FATHERS DAY: T DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
kb8715 Offline
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Happy Fathers Day. For some here its a tough line to say. For me it isn't always easy to hear.

I came here after literally pulling the plug on my dad. It ain't like you see on TV by a the way. But it made me face up to the reality of CSA & that helped it get better.

One key goal was to be sure I was a better Dad than I had. I can't judge that. The 3 I named get to. But I try.

Recovery, life, parenting even are imperfect processes. Ya got to count on speed bumps and potholes. I help run hospitals and and the first guy I named now has some intense scars on his chest ribs and back courtesy of some Docs I work with. I find it ironic but the truth is they took it real personal I trusted him to them. Sometimes it gets better if you change your point of view.

So never give up on recovery or yourself or your fellow survivor friends. I've said before there is a quiet majority not posting not on chat but making huge strides. I know a few as far more than screen names and it has gotten better for me & for them. And every day without fail they remind me of that.

And for them and for me I thank you all and wish you each the peace and happiness we all deserve.
_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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#442872 - 08/01/13 08:45 AM IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
kb8715 Offline
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Registered: 07/16/10
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A member dropped me a pm and said he liked my rants so I figured I'd share some more.

Letting it get better is a task. Ya gotta work it. I think many of us learned we do get better but there are some lasting effects we identify in recovery that need care.

For me and a few others here that's involved privately working together in the real world in support of each other. MS PMs are secondary to talking email texts etc.

That takes trust, a HUGE word for us all.

I've met some fakes here. I guess we all have. But I've also let some really good men into my life from MS. And ya know I can honestly say I've always been shown respect and care and of course given the same to anyone here who knows my name face and voice. That's pretty astonishing and good too. Some still struggle some are thriving but each man is someone who has taught me something about recovery and about life.

The guy I work most closely here is a younger member from Canada. He joked recently how we are all crazy, and crazy is good! He's also a true thriver in recovery. And I know my daily shouts of support, and his constant texts with music choices and pictures of his original art work are the tools we use to constantly remind each other that we are strong good men who were hurt as boys, but teamed up together to insure it does get better.

So thanks to us all and please keep healing.
_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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#446555 - 09/06/13 08:44 AM IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
kb8715 Offline
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At times I guess I feel I have to push this out hoping there is some counter balance to the hurt many here speak to.

I never would claim I'm better or stronger than anyone here. I'm sure what progress I make is due to those men here who work with me and support each other.

1 is real down and it hurts to watch him stall. And others are thriving, which is awesome.

But there is real hope here with the men I count on. Astonishingly so in some cases.

So please keep up the good fight. Please help each other. Please care at home for anyone in need. We are good men and that's what we do.

As my biggest supporter here would say, we are crazy, crazy is good, crazy is fun, I like being a bit crazy.

He's right. Its all perspective. Sometimes it gets better if ya are at peace with being a bit crazy.

Be well all.
_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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#446571 - 09/06/13 01:51 PM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
concerned_husky Offline
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Registered: 08/29/12
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Glad you bumped this again, kb8715 smile I needed that boost again.

I've kind of withdrawn into my own shell at the moment and haven't been supporting others as much as I'd like, but at least, I think, in my own way, I'm putting up a good fight for myself.
_________________________
Husky

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#449002 - 10/02/13 03:22 PM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
concerned_husky Offline
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Registered: 08/29/12
Posts: 585
An incident in chat a few days ago got me thinking about this thread again. For the sake of anonymity, I'm keeping the name of the member with whom I shared the PM chat strictly private.

*Possible triggers*

I had been talking to him for quite a while, for maybe close to a year. When we first started talking, he was in bad shape. He was having trouble with his family, finances, jobs and everything. More than once he disclosed to me about contemplating s**c*** and he even told me he had one failed attempt; he was also sharing a room with someone who took advantage of him often, not to mention potential employers who would do the same in exchange for a 'job', which, of course, never materialized. I did my best and kept trying to encourage him, telling him things would get better, that he shouldn't give up.

A few months went by without me hearing back from him, and I was admittedly quite worried.

Well, a few days ago, I 'bumped into' him again in chat. It had been a few months since we'd chatted. He got himself a new job - a good one, paying him enough to live comfortably, and had also gotten himself a new place to stay. He's also in a very good and stable relationship now - in fact we had to cut the conversation short because he was off to see his boyfriend. I can't begin to describe to you how it felt when I heard about his progress. I was so proud of him and inspired, and just damn HAPPY. Seeing him in such high spirits, bubbly and lively, and knowing he was doing well tipped me over the edge and had me in tears. I sat there crying. It really made my night.

So, repeating what kb8715 has said here - IT DOES GET BETTER. Keep at it, everyone.
_________________________
Husky

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#449027 - 10/02/13 11:01 PM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
forgive777 Offline


Registered: 05/18/13
Posts: 115
Loc: california
Nice
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#449034 - 10/03/13 12:50 AM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
Onesimus75 Offline


Registered: 08/22/13
Posts: 158
Loc: Minnesota
It does get better.
The thing the drove me closest to self-destruction was the messed-up pattern of fantasies and flashbacks of the abuse. It would happen, and I would want to hurt myself over the guilt.

That was... dunno, almost a decade ago.

Happened again today.

Wasn't pleasant. Not at all. But I'd learned not to own it. Now it looked like "That sucked, but it's his fault, not mine, and it's my wound, not my identity." And moved on with my day.

[as a religious type some prayer stuff was involved]

Lots of stuff is like that these days. I have to cut back on friend time when I used to be completely isolated. I'm choosing between churches when I didn't belong to them. I've got my degree when I felt I was a total looser.

There's still a lot I want to work on, and I'm far from where I want to be...

But though I can stand where I am and point at a 90 degree turn from where I was, at no point can I remember the road seeming to bend. It always seemed like I was standing on one straight road with no turn in sight.

Change and healing, seem to be incremental instead of miraculous and swift.

just because you don't see progress doesn't mean you're not making anyone! Just like as kids we couldn't see ourselves grow, but we sometimes shot up like weeds!

Hang in there! It does get better!
_________________________
We are not defined by our faults, or our wounds, but by the truth within us, which nothing can take away.

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#453778 - 11/15/13 12:42 PM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
jas4159 Offline


Registered: 06/16/11
Posts: 278
very well done and thank your for sharing. great post.

rich

justanothersurvivror.wordpress.com
_________________________
Thanks

rich

justanothersurvivror.wordpress.com

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#453799 - 11/15/13 02:49 PM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
Castle Offline


Registered: 10/03/09
Posts: 727
Loc: NJ
I miss Keith on the site.... such a good man with a lot of wisdom.
_________________________

My posts can self destruct at any time..read them while you can.

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#454835 - 11/22/13 07:25 PM IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
kb8715 Offline
Member
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Registered: 07/16/10
Posts: 808
I heard today from 2 men I know very well from MS.

Both are living life well, not letting csa hold them down.

I won't tell you its easy. I've stood with both on horrible days, and have been blessed to hear when they won. I've also been blessed to have them both take my back daily as I climb stumble, and climb back up too.

We can't control life, simply live it best we can, scars and all.

Let it get better. Live life and heal.
_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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#463156 - 03/25/14 03:21 PM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
jas4159 Offline


Registered: 06/16/11
Posts: 278
thank you
_________________________
Thanks

rich

justanothersurvivror.wordpress.com

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#463429 - 03/30/14 05:39 PM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
kb8715 Offline
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Registered: 07/16/10
Posts: 808
No thank you Rich. Thanks to all who read this.

I'm sitting on a cold wet soccer field, which is where I'm found most Sundays for many years. I'm no athelete, sure csa took interest away, but I've raised 3 who are.

Getting better may be about today and accepting the past. That is not forgiving abuse, but accepting who we are and being who we wish to be.

I think true survivors do just that. I think we step up with integrity and honesty, take on our various monsters, and when we can, help another.

Life is not perfect. CSA not the only wound to be felt sadly.

Its all just life and we have to play it as well as my youngest plays mid field.

So pls live for your today. And thanks as ever to you all and pls let it get better.

Best to you all.
_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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