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#362017 - 05/12/11 08:49 AM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
kb8715 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/16/10
Posts: 808
To be honest it's just a real normal week. It gets better when you realize it is normal...this is who we are...we really are ok.

Mother day was perfect. As soon as you say JERSEY SHORE it's a slam dunk things are going to be good!

The kids are all well....older 2 both have jobs right up until when the head to college. Hey, it gets better when you find there is cash in your wallet once more.

T session last night was great. We talked about dreams, CSA peer support, and the value of MS. T says it's all good. it get's better when you drive your T sessions, work your agenda, hit the core stuff that's on your mind etc.

For some reason a bunch of guys here asked me this week when this stops, when do we feel something different, what the long haul looks like etc.

The effect of trauma in our life is forever...we will always be survivors. I will also forever be a man, I will always be a Dad, I will always be a husband, I will always be a friend, I will always care for others in my community, I will always be me. Being a survivor is part of who I am. It does not define me. I do that myself. I control what I do from the moment I get up, on days where I slept like crap because of some dream, and on days when it goes well too.

It gets better when you remember we were good kids and are good men.

A man I really respect here points out it is not about our past....it is all about our future. At 19 he's got this nailed. We all can too.




Edited by kb8715 (05/12/11 08:50 AM)
_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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#362113 - 05/13/11 02:33 PM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
Obi Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/28/09
Posts: 1314
Loc: kansas
just wanted to say thanks to keith for this thread and for the idea of my latest recovery vid that i will be posting shortly...

wanted to pay homage to you for this thread how in my life it's gotten better and i hope it's ok keith, out of respect for you, that i title my latest vid "it does get better"...

thanks again...

_________________________
live another day. climb a little higher.

my story

my vlog

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#362219 - 05/14/11 11:40 PM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: Obi]
kb8715 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/16/10
Posts: 808
Todd that's very kind of you, and of course you can use anything you want that helps. Odds are I stole anything that made sense from someone else anyways.

I'm no better at this than anyone else. I have good days and off days and I know this is who we all will be forever. I just won't let this be far and away my legacy. I'd be happy being remembered down the road as a decent guy, good husband, good dad, and a good friend. I don't expect my tombstone may read I dealt with CSA.

See that's kinda the point really. I'd be happy for a few people here to remember me kindly of if I helped them, but the CSA just is not the why to it anymore.

Last night there was a crowd of college students here. Rather than hanging out partying like they often do they were sprawled out in the living room and sucked me into a discussion how the world is suppose to end next Saturday. So I reminded them all that from the time we are each born we all only have so much time here, and to make the most of it. Oh and I told them each I'd see them next Sunday for breakfast....

Yeah, it does get better. Takes hard work, good support, great help here at MS, but Gents it does get better.

So thanks Obi-Todd for sharing it with me.

_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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#362617 - 05/20/11 05:03 PM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
kb8715 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/16/10
Posts: 808
I'm feeling pretty good this week. I had my moments like we all do, but it gets better when you realize a bad moment, or bad day can pass and you can stick to your recovery plan.

All the kids and their friends were around this week. I love it. I don't mind the revolving door when they are home at all. I did mind when our oldest completely vanished on us one night this week, but I let one of my key go to guys here talk me down off the ledge again. Thanks Pal. Worked out all fine.

Each of us should have 1-2 guys who lean on us, and 1-2 other men here we lean on. It really gets better when you let a brother here walk you through a tough patch. I think we all do a great job of looking out for each other, but ask yourself who are the guys here you can always reach when you are down. They are a crucial part of your success.

I had a chance to have a Beer this week with 2 of our recovery friends, Remy and Castle. Some people say you can tell a survivor by the look of pain in their face and eyes. Naaaaa!

If you have not met Remy or Castle they are real easy to spot in a crowd though. Remy is this very classy gentleman and Castle is the guy drinking very cheap Bourbon. Ok he's also the guy who has an infectious laugh and a huge heart too. I promised another good man here at MS we're doing it again soon. Logan, did I mention Castle drinks cheap booze? You been warned.

I know this is tough....it just is. But dig, talk, vent, read, get therapy, get peer support, get better. It does get better. If you work it hard it really does get better.




Edited by kb8715 (05/20/11 05:07 PM)
_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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#362654 - 05/21/11 06:20 AM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: Magellan]
sidestep Offline


Registered: 05/12/11
Posts: 34
thanks kb8715

you always welcome me into the chat room and seem to support me. as a new guy on the block thats important.

i think you are giving back what you have received and are giving a lot of us new guy's hope

your actions speak louder then words, keep up the good work


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#362701 - 05/21/11 09:12 PM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: sidestep]
RICK57 Offline
Member

Registered: 12/31/03
Posts: 1611
Loc: ENGLAND
Yes it does get better.

You can see from the date I first registered here, that it's been some time!

I was an absolute wreck at the point of giving up completely on life (read some of my old posts if you have time) when I first came here.

I read some posts and gradually built up to making my own and responding to others.

With the strength I gained hear, I eventually complained to the police then gained a conviction.

Since then I've been in a pretty serious road traffic accident which has taken me over 3 years to recover from. I maintained my job during that time (with some adjustments), however recently I was made redundant.

I'm on the employment market and looking for a job, however I'm alive!

Crap is crap, but it produces the best roses!

Best wishes ...Rik

_________________________
*Never look down on anybody unless you're helping them up.
*I was seeking a way of expressing my anger - I found hope!
*There are many battles before the war is won! It can be won!

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#362806 - 05/23/11 02:32 PM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: RICK57]
kb8715 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/16/10
Posts: 808
Side and Rik, many thanks for reading this and many thanks for your input.

I guess you'd say this is my journal but you can see I'm like all here and count on people @ home and here at MS to be sure it does get better.

Todd and Ren reminded us last night we needed to think of people in Joplin who need us.....so right.

Some days you need to step back and see many need help and figure out how you can. We all know it's not limited to MS.

That said this is important stuff we do for each other.

Thanks all and have a good week.

Keith

_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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#363276 - 05/30/11 01:20 PM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
kb8715 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/16/10
Posts: 808
Neveragn-Andy-Drewski asked last night if taking breaks from this all is helpful. Sure it is...it gets better when you take a day or so to figure out where you are, get outside, stay connected at home, help people around you etc. as well.

Like I've said recoverying form ASA or CSA is part of who we all are, but it's not all of us and does not define us.

Each of us can help another man here, and at the same time help and care for people that we care for in our homes as well. The people I have come to respect and care for most here at MS do just that. They always extend their hand to help in every aspect of their lives. Man that so much makes it better I think.

People here this week I know best got angry, got sad, confronted Perps, made progress, and in one case let themself say "I love you" to an awesome woman. That's us guys. Up down side to side, but always healing, always moving forward. Proof that it does get better.

Here at home I've watched gangs of healthy happy teenagers come marauding through our house this week. I'm watching Cheer Captain cycle up for the Prom and Prom weekend at the Jersey Shore. I watched our youngest go out with freinds to the movies and what was her first ever date (GRRRRR...ok that does NOT make if get better...but it's cute sweet and nice too.).

Just another week in recovery gents...a good week that lets me feel it does get better.

Keith




Edited by kb8715 (05/31/11 09:02 AM)
_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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#363310 - 05/31/11 02:42 AM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
Letourski Offline


Registered: 03/15/08
Posts: 302
Loc: Canada
Man, this post is so inspirational. Everyone here at MS is living proof that it can and does get better. Keith, I do not know you personally, but your words resonate so deep inside of me. You are the reason I have returned to MS to continue on this path of recovery.

There is so much strength and courage in this post. Everyone here at MS continue to give me the strength to work through the pain and sorrow.

Thank you so much for this wonderful post. I appreciate it beyond words.

Cheers,

Daniel

_________________________
I am the warrior.

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#363323 - 05/31/11 12:21 PM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: Letourski]
Castle Offline


Registered: 10/03/09
Posts: 727
Loc: NJ
I was asked to add some castle commentary to this thread..;)

It gets better when we stop to hear all the good messages from all the good people around us...and try to not listen to the one bad one that will get survivor brain going.

It does get better to take a step back from recovery and spend some down time, just beeing, if possible, hug a loved one, friend, pet...go for a walk bike ride, smell the flowers yo.

Its also helpful to understand that not all of lifes obstacles are not based on abuse, but rather how our brain interpets those situations and lets the old abusive messages control how we feel and act in those situations. To suggest they will all go away is balogna, but fewer and further between is the (my) goal.

It helps and is crutial to really question things and work to get better...all of us have that in us....take the chance, try to make it better for yourself with help from your core support. We can support, but YOU must do the hard work for it to get better....but it does..:)

_________________________

My posts can self destruct at any time..read them while you can.

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