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#360106 - 04/18/11 03:18 PM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
Happy Birthday kb8715 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/16/10
Posts: 808
I can really say I feel its getting better. Do I feel a dull ache sometimes about the past. Yep. Do I have Blue days. Yep.

But I can now separate all feelings of guilt, self esteem etc. under a category of "ABUSE" and know that it is not the real me. Any abuse related thoughts from the past were never the real me, even though every one of the stung like a Son of a Bitch.

With my T and wife, and "my crew" here I can see I'm a good man. My MS crew are good men. Each of you were good kids and are good men. Gets better when you say it out loud, and when you say it to others here and when you know it's the simple God's honest truth.

I can see real progress in the men I have become close here with as well. This place works. As sane as a T's advice may be I have found what really makes it better is thinking this through with others who know what it means to have been abused, gone to Hell, and climbed back out. Yep, it's why and stay and try to help as best I can. It's was high on my Recovery promise list, and the T likes this one a lot.

Spring is a great time to heal (no Blizzards or Tornadoes around here). Can't wait to get in the car Good Friday, drive 4 hours alone blasting The Boss to pick up the oldest from school and bring him back for a Saturday Easter dinner. His mom, his sisters and his dogs miss him and I do too. He and his crew energize me and our house, and that makes it better too.

I hate when there are empty bedrooms in our house. It's like my Kevlar wall is down, but it get's better every time I see we are doing a good job raising decent kids, with my past hurts and all.

If you celebrate Passover, Happy Passover. if you celebrate Easter, then Happy Easter. If you don't choose to celebrate neither, that's ok too and try and celebrate yourself and your recovery.

We were all good kids...we are all good men. We fought hard each to be able to admit it does get better.

_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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#360639 - 04/24/11 01:00 PM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
petercorbett Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/27/08
Posts: 2452
Loc: TEXAS
My brother, Keith.

Here it is Easter Sunday.

Hopefully everyone made it HOME (your place) for Easter.

To enjoy each others love, compassion & understanding.

Especially your love for each other.

Yes Sir, IT DOES GET BETTER, and the proof is there in your heart & soul.

Have a great healing day with your loving family.

"I will take that lost boys hand, and I will lead him from the depths of darkness, into the sunshine, forever into eternity." As he is me.

Pete..Irishmoose.

_________________________
Working Boys' Home 10-14 yrs old, grades 5-8. 1949-1953
____________________________________________________________
A very humble alumni of the WOR Dahlonega, GA.
May 15-17 2009, Alta, Sep. 2009. Sequoia, 2010.
Hope Springs, 2010.


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#360642 - 04/24/11 01:22 PM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: petercorbett]
Still Online   sad
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6602
Loc: FEMA Region 1
Yer a lucky and blessed guy!

_________________________
I'm "that guy."

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#360701 - 04/25/11 01:28 AM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: Still]
Morning Star Offline
Member

Registered: 12/21/04
Posts: 1124
Loc: Home
Well it does get better...provided we are willing to do the work, namely forgive, active emotional cleaning up, staying the present moment and start rebuilding emotional, physical, social and spiritual life, and most of all letting go the past!...For those who are still grinding their axes to take revenge or for retribution, healing is a far cry, as wrathful hearts don't heal, it is after all the dark passion that we can overcome through rigorous prayer work.

Plus we have to be careful suffering can turn a person into narcissistic, so to avoid it, volunteering a good idea, where you get to soothe someone else's suffering. And we can always find someone who has suffered more than us, like somewhere who was actually died during the crucifixion, but forgave before dying, no wonder he was resurrected.

Too many survivors want resurrection, without willing to do the work needed to be done by them, we are not entitled for anything! Universe owes us nothing! Whatever healing we receive is grace, as long as we stay humble we'd get better....after all suffering is our own Karma, no one else's, and when we forgive we are forgiven.!

_________________________
~ It's over!...Let go of Thy Past, Remember Thy Self ~

Why Don't People Heal, by Caroline Myss; 30 days to clean up your vibrations - Abraham-Hicks

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#360725 - 04/25/11 01:18 PM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: Morning Star]
Still Online   sad
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6602
Loc: FEMA Region 1
Some forgiveness sound conditional, sounds forced, sounds compulsory and so-on. One more step to truly forgive in a rock-solid way...also wish them well.

_________________________
I'm "that guy."

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#360730 - 04/25/11 04:00 PM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: Still]
Happy Birthday kb8715 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/16/10
Posts: 808
Moose....thanks as always for the kind words. You are a true gentleman and your kindness to all is a wonderful trait.

Robbie....I told you I read your posts and feel your pain. It's not fair what has happened to you But I am not blessed more or less than you or any of us here. None of us were blessed really. I just can't or won't have my childhood abuse define me. I get crazy, I get sad, I get triggered....but I won't give up and I will keep trying to do better and try to push everyone along with me.

Morning Star, on the forgiveness....Nah. Sorry I got no good feelings to offer abusers and rapists. I have deep faith and will let God sort them out. Hell seems fitting for people who sexually abuse kids and adults......

Be well all.



Edited by kb8715 (04/25/11 04:01 PM)
_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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#360741 - 04/25/11 06:34 PM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: Still]
VictoryisRs Offline
Guest

Registered: 12/13/07
Posts: 36
Loc: Seattle, WA
Forgiveness can seem conditional. I wrote a letter to my abuser a few years ago, expecting some heartfelt response on his part....at the very least a "I'm sorry" from him. I did talk to him briefly at a family gathering where he acknowledged my letter and said he'd respond 'soon' but that hasn't happened yet.

I heard a quote by Oprah Winfrey that pretty much sums up the definition of forgiveness for me right now:

"Forgiveness is giving up the hope that the past could have been any different It's accepting the past for what is was."

By the way, I've taken a long sabattical from this website--havent logged on in a couple of years! I recently attended a Recovery Workshop that was put on by Mike Lew last month, so I'm hoping to get back into some sort of counseling or group therapy (which I've never actually done before).


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#360774 - 04/26/11 09:44 AM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: VictoryisRs]
Happy Birthday kb8715 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/16/10
Posts: 808
I'm really touched that you posted to this thread after coming back to MS Victory after several years. Good luck with your healing.

This is just a brain drain I do every week to keep myself and any others interested centered on the belief we can re-gain control taken from us as little boys and enjoy ourselves now as healthy if scarred men. I don't mind the bruises as much anymore as long as I can laugh too...

By the way I appreciate all here who support me, PM me, share with me, endulge me by listening to my virtual dad rants, put up with my off kilter jokes,lean on me, let me lean back on them.

Not sure I ever simply said thanks to you each but it's gets better when you say thanks to your support crew here....

So thanks VictoryisRs and thanks to you each as well.







Edited by kb8715 (04/26/11 09:47 AM)
_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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#361024 - 04/29/11 09:30 AM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
Happy Birthday kb8715 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/16/10
Posts: 808
I really like this post from Gnuff: http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=360876#Post360876

I hope you take a second to read it and respond if you are so moved. What it makes me think of is how once we work through the hurt of the actual abuse, the heavy lift is to make sure we fight isolation, build healthy relationships, and enjoy the good stuff in life. That's proof how it does get better.

It really makes me feel good that I can see that a number of men I know here are breaking out from different forms of isolation and connect with good people around them.

The post from Gnuff also reinforced for me how key the help and friendships here are. In fact my T and I talked about this and he's a huge advocate of survivor-to-survivor peer support.

It got better for me this week because a man here I respect a lot helped me avoid turning a discussion with my son into yet another chance for me to convince myself I am a lousy Dad because of my abuse.

Rather than rush in and blow up an important talk wit my son I thought back carefully about a lot of prior exchanges and advice I have gotten here about sons and dads.

For me this week it really got better because through MS support I turned the risk of distancing myself from my son into a time when my son felt respected by me and supported instead.

I get a lot of support here at MS. I try to give the same back, but Alex thanks for making me see how Danny would hope I'd think it all through.

Use the support here men. Invest the time in establishing some very real safe and trusting relationships and talk it all out. That's how it gets better.




Edited by kb8715 (04/29/11 10:20 AM)
_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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#361439 - 05/04/11 11:41 AM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
Happy Birthday kb8715 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/16/10
Posts: 808
The news makes it look like we are all celebrating in NYC this week. Some may be but I think many of us are more looking inwardly for closure. Whiskers pointed out to some of us there are so many other forms of evil we need to deal with too. You are right Gabriel. It does get better when 1 less evil monster is gone though.

Both the older kids reached out to me about it. 911 is seared into their childhood memories of course. I suppose that is true of all New Yorkers. We're thinking of my son's good friend Evan who lost his Dad at the World Trade Center that day. My middle kid showed me a picture of him with my son's crew taken at our home New Year's Eve. Man they were a happy group and so toasted too. They will all be home from finals soon. It always gets better when they all come home.

Mother's Day is huge in our house. Might be our happiest holiday here. I may have had the worst mom ever. Close to the worst for sure. But my kids simply have the best Mom.
For us that means you will find us Sunday either in Times Square enjoying NYC or on the Jersey Shore having fun with the hounds. That's good stuff either way.

I hope you each have a person you can celebrate on Mother's Day. Like I said, it does not need to be your actual Mom. It gets better if you thank any decent woman in your life for the support she has shown you.

Be well all.




Edited by kb8715 (05/04/11 11:41 AM)
_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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