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#354576 - 02/23/11 01:36 PM Re: Fairness in Housing = Pedophile Hunting Grounds [Re: risingagain]
risingagain Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/09/10
Posts: 588
Loc: Vancouver, BC, Canada
>>>
Gay people have taken a beating. Recovery organizations should work actively to dispel myths around homosexuality, including those perpetrated by the church.
<<<

Quoting myself... and why should they? the reason is because only recovery organizations CAN dispel those gay=perp myths... we owe it to the gay survivors in our ranks who have survived not only homophobia but sexual abuse as well, and yet they continue to be demonized by the likes of the AFA.

because we have the facts, we can dispel these myths. I was raped by a married, straight man, my dad. A 'good christian', as it were.

so where is Malesurvivor? what are you DOING?


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#354615 - 02/23/11 11:34 PM Re: Fairness in Housing = Pedophile Hunting Grounds [Re: Ever-fixed Mark]
Howard Fradkin, PhD Offline
WoR Facilitator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 06/21/03
Posts: 35
Loc: Columbus, OH
As the Co-Chairperson of the WOR team, I want to assure anyone reading these threads that the WOR are for everyone, and we welcome everyone, and we affirm people from all walks of life, of all sexual orientations, ages (18 and over), religions, cultural backgrounds. Our first goal at every weekend is to help ensure the safety of every man at the weekend. We do this by asking every man at the weekend to tell us what they need to feel safe enough to risk opening up during the weekend. All of these safety requests are written down and posted all during the weekend. We do not tolerate bigotry, and will address actively any time during a weekend when a request for safety is violated. At the same time, we understand every participant at the weekends may be struggling with a whole range of concerns and confusions and problems, and part of creating safety is our emphasis on recruiting and building a team of facilitators who will be able to hold any man in his struggles, no matter what they may be. No where else on the planet could a survivor find the depth and breadth of experience represented on this team, and in the ratios we work, ie 1 facilitator for every 3.5 men means we have ample staff to provide individual attention as needed. Every man is interviewed by one of our staff before a weekend, and is given an opportunity then to voice any concerns they are having. In addition, I am happy to speak with any man who is having safety concerns prior to a weekend as is my Co-Chair Jim Stuve, and further, we are happy to address safety concerns with any man's therapist as well.



Edited by Howard Fradkin, PhD (02/23/11 11:42 PM)
_________________________
Howard R. Fradkin, Ph.D.
MaleSurvivor Weekends of Recovery Co-Chairperson

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#354638 - 02/24/11 02:49 AM Re: Fairness in Housing = Pedophile Hunting Grounds [Re: Howard Fradkin, PhD]
risingagain Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/09/10
Posts: 588
Loc: Vancouver, BC, Canada
Thanks for your response Howard. I would like to dialog this further with Lee and yourself. It's REALLY important to me that I not get 're-raped' via truth twisting and lies that equate homosexuality with pedophilia, or imply that my sexuality is an illness caused by the abuse I suffered.

Will your facilitator team address these myths squarely? What are your beliefs around that?

I understand that, for some men, they feel that being in a heterosexual relationship is right for them, or they are married to a woman, or that they are straight and the abuse confused them sexually. That is one thing and I respect it.

At the same time, there should be equal sacredness given to men like myself, who are gay and happy about that! For myself, one MAJOR GOAL of recovery is to make myself ready to create a HEALTHY family, which to me means a husband and responsibility for the care of children. Any recovery which denies this greater truth in me (that I am a good caregiver, role model and an amazing guy!) is just an empty road.

Now let's see where we can go from here...

feeling 1% more open


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#354639 - 02/24/11 02:52 AM Re: Fairness in Housing = Pedophile Hunting Grounds [Re: risingagain]
risingagain Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/09/10
Posts: 588
Loc: Vancouver, BC, Canada
and once again, please do not be blinded by your experience.

the minute i feel like an 'expert' i am already off track


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#354643 - 02/24/11 03:30 AM Re: Fairness in Housing = Pedophile Hunting Grounds [Re: risingagain]
Ever-fixed Mark Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/02/10
Posts: 725
Loc: United States
I'll share that my experience at the WoR as an out gay man and a survivor was very positive. From the first moments it was clear that every man, regardless of sexual orientation, wanted to be and feel safe.

We became the architects of our own safety, and in sharing our fears with each other, some of them surprising, those fears seemed to lose much of their power over us.

-efm

_________________________

Everybody here's got a story to tell
Everybody's been through their own hell
There's nothing too special about getting hurt
Getting over it, that takes the work

- "Duck and Cover" by Glen Phillips

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#354682 - 02/24/11 11:44 AM Re: Fairness in Housing = Pedophile Hunting Grounds [Re: Ever-fixed Mark]
risingagain Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/09/10
Posts: 588
Loc: Vancouver, BC, Canada
Thanks efm. More comments from other gay survivors please!!!

I have this fear that the WoR is all about guys trying to "get over" their SSA and that the other side is not well represented.

I am diving deep here to look in myself what this is all about....

all i can say is my truth was twisted
and recovery for me is about finding my truth again

so agendas about sexual orientation are pretty toxic to me

my beautiful protector (who as you can see is quite a tyke) has come online...


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#354777 - 02/24/11 11:18 PM Re: Fairness in Housing = Pedophile Hunting Grounds [Re: Ever-fixed Mark]
jls Offline


Registered: 03/06/09
Posts: 1142
Well, this is a guy who thinks a soldier who risks his life in combat to save another is a sissy so he can't possibly be taken seriously. Read on for more:

http://www.afa.net/Blogs/BlogPost.aspx?id=2147500421

_________________________
Love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we’ll change the world.


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#354875 - 02/25/11 12:47 PM Re: Fairness in Housing = Pedophile Hunting Grounds [Re: jls]
risingagain Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/09/10
Posts: 588
Loc: Vancouver, BC, Canada
jeez I wish those guys would get back to me... it's been almost 3 weeks since I raised this concern.

I'm already having a difficult time trusting... this feels terrible.

I just want to know what I am dealing with at this point.


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#354883 - 02/25/11 01:42 PM Re: Fairness in Housing = Pedophile Hunting Grounds [Re: risingagain]
Obi Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/28/09
Posts: 1248
Loc: kansas
wow! jls....

that guy is an idiot....

just told pete, irishmoose, about it... he's retired air force, served in vietnam....

all he could say was that no matter how much words like what that idiot posted in his article hurt, he served in the military to protect his right to say idiotic stuff like that...

*shakes head*... i feel bad for all of those who have served and are serving now that the rights they are fighting to protect are being used to shun them... awful...

_________________________
live another day. climb a little higher.

my story

my vlog

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#354995 - 02/27/11 11:09 AM Re: Fairness in Housing = Pedophile Hunting Grounds [Re: Obi]
jls Offline


Registered: 03/06/09
Posts: 1142
What's wrong with so called "feminine" traits anyways, even in the military? After all, in the conflicts we are engaged in today in Iraq and Afghanistan, as much effort goes toward protecting vulnerable people from abuse by brutish factions like the Taliban and nurturing civil society as toward fighting the enemy. In this context it is in our interest to protect and nurture (both traditionally feminine traits) since doing so fosters stability in these countries, with the goal of reducing hostility and tensions world wide. Currently I am reading Mike Lew's "Victim's No longer" and I am impressed by what he has to say about how men and women alike are trapped in these socially constructed cages of what is supposed to be masculine or feminine. It benefits niether gender and like I described above is nowhere near accurate even when applied to something that says maleness as much as the military. Anyways just my thoughts. JS

_________________________
Love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we’ll change the world.


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