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#351427 - 01/20/11 11:30 PM i can't feel emotion
redsox046 Offline


Registered: 09/06/10
Posts: 56
Loc: BOSTON
The title pretty much says it all. I cant feel emotion. The only real "feelings" i have are emptiness and numbness. People think im a pretty chill and laid back guy cause i never get angry, i dont even remember what it feels like to be angry its been so long. The last time i really cried i think was 6 years ago when my grandmother died. I don't really use addiction as a means to numb out anymore, i've tried getting connected with my inner child, i've wrote about my feelings....even when i write or think about the abuse it has absolutely no effect on my emotionally. The emotion i definitely miss the most is happiness. I've even tried putting my perps picture on my bed and beating in with a baseball bat in an attempt to get angry...but nothing really happened. Im so frustrated....i would rather feel pain then nothing at all. Thanks for listening
Nick



Edited by redsox046 (01/20/11 11:35 PM)

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#351433 - 01/21/11 12:35 AM Re: i can't feel emotion [Re: redsox046]
little big man Offline


Registered: 06/19/10
Posts: 106
Loc: nevada
I have been numb also. I would drink, smoke weed, masterbate and even watch interviews of nazi death survivors. I was really numb. But I got mad easily when other were not perfect at work. I also used to assume without checking things out. I was always trying to figure out what people were thinking about me. I did not want to be surprised. At work I was in rage inside and thought i kept it bottled up. After work i would examine everthing that I said or did there to see where a treat would come from. Fear and anger I did have in spades except for those i was numb. I have been disabled after cancer cuased my ptsd to increse to an unmanagable level. When I took thorizine it became my friend and i did not worry as much about what people were thinking. I am afrid of women and sex. I was abandoned by all of my relitives in childhood. I knew it but could not accept that fact as a child. Now I am able to face no relitive cares about me. I went through cancer treatment with no get well cards ort calls of support from any relitive. It was then that i faced facts that i could not handle as a child. Even though i still have relitives alive when i fill out a medicaql form it asks for nearest relitive. I say none. And I do not even have an emergency contact to write in (dont trust anyone).


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#351453 - 01/21/11 06:25 AM Re: i can't feel emotion [Re: little big man]
r.m. Offline


Registered: 01/18/11
Posts: 106
Hugs to you both.

I struggle with lack of feelings too. I find myself thinking that I'm some kind of monster if I can feel sad for some of the things I see. I'm disconnected from those emotions. It sucks because often it gives people the wrong impression.

Be well, heal well my friends.
r.m.


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#351461 - 01/21/11 08:39 AM Re: i can't feel emotion [Re: r.m.]
Happy Birthday kb8715 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/16/10
Posts: 808
Nick a lot of us have been there. Still are in many ways in fact.

But you are realizing it in yourself, and you are working on it. That is awesome. I'm sure your T will help unravel it. Mine is trying to get me there as well.

Be gentle on yourself. You desreve that.

Keep healing. Keith

_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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#351463 - 01/21/11 09:25 AM Re: i can't feel emotion [Re: kb8715]
jbodean Offline


Registered: 01/20/11
Posts: 9
Our minds are amazing things. It blocks out things that would be harmful to us. Of course, the downside of blocking out pain is that it seems to block out everything else. I remember walking around feeling numb and thinking that joy and happiness were something that other’s feel and not obtainable for myself. One day I had an epiphany when I read the words: “Allow yourself to feel the way you truly feel.” Sounds so simple and yet it became a struggle for me to break through that wall that I had built up and kept adding to for years and years. I kept repeating that message over and over to myself: “Feel what I really feel…”

There were some days when I would feel like I would be swept away by this tidal wave of emotions. First would come anger and hurt, followed by sorrow and sadness. My feelings came when I gave myself permission to feel. Don't give up. It's not so much about the feelings themselves, but in allowing yourself to feel them.


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#351484 - 01/21/11 12:51 PM Re: i can't feel emotion [Re: redsox046]
RecoveryReady1 Offline


Registered: 12/05/10
Posts: 433
Hey Nick-I know that in the guilded meditations I've done they say....If you feel nothing at all..then feel that....feel what it's like to feel nothing at all...I don't imagine it's any different than someone who is stuck in a particular emotion. The mindfulness people say just keep following whatever is there...rather than trying to change it...Anyway not trying to preach ,just wanted to pass that along....
All the best in your healing
RR


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#351486 - 01/21/11 12:59 PM Re: i can't feel emotion [Re: jbodean]
RecoveryReady1 Offline


Registered: 12/05/10
Posts: 433
Jbodean- that was very helpful....thank you for writing your experience....makes so much sense...
All the best in your recovery


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#351499 - 01/21/11 02:41 PM Re: i can't feel emotion [Re: redsox046]
tommyb Offline


Registered: 11/29/10
Posts: 367
Loc: American South
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