I have been numb also. I would drink, smoke weed, masterbate and even watch interviews of nazi death survivors. I was really numb. But I got mad easily when other were not perfect at work. I also used to assume without checking things out. I was always trying to figure out what people were thinking about me. I did not want to be surprised. At work I was in rage inside and thought i kept it bottled up. After work i would examine everthing that I said or did there to see where a treat would come from. Fear and anger I did have in spades except for those i was numb. I have been disabled after cancer cuased my ptsd to increse to an unmanagable level. When I took thorizine it became my friend and i did not worry as much about what people were thinking. I am afrid of women and sex. I was abandoned by all of my relitives in childhood. I knew it but could not accept that fact as a child. Now I am able to face no relitive cares about me. I went through cancer treatment with no get well cards ort calls of support from any relitive. It was then that i faced facts that i could not handle as a child. Even though i still have relitives alive when i fill out a medicaql form it asks for nearest relitive. I say none. And I do not even have an emergency contact to write in (dont trust anyone).
There is the Thinker and with meditation, the one who watches the Thinker. Get to know the one who watches the thinking. The mind is inherantly pure, we can always go there. An empty mind is a ready mind, it is ready for anything.