Howdy, my brother,

It took a lot of guts to post what you have.

Like you my brother, we try and find out just who are we?

What are we? We continually worry about ourselfs as we continue to try and heal. Lots of questions. Lots of anger. Lots of fears. Lots of tears.

I have finally found out about myself. I now know who i am. And i finally know what i am.

My, brother i offer you my compassion, understanding & love, in finding your true self sxually. Your true self.

Heal well, my brother ((((((Todd)))))), heal well.

"I will take that lost boys hnd, and i will lead him from the depths of darkness, into the sunshine, forever into eternity." As he is me.

Pete..Irishmoose.

thanks to everyone who is giving me support on this... it means the world to me...

i'm still nervous that i put it out there but it's getting easier as each day passes and more people show their support...

hopefully, i will come to terms with sex being alright, good, fun and enjoyable and get rid of the thoughts that currently reside in my head that sex is wrong, evil and only used to hurt/abuse people....

someday i will have a healthy view of sex and i'm on my way...

Hello to all! Thanks for your courage about a subject I fear myself. I would like to learn about sex and my sexuality being a gay man. There isn't the local mentor shop around the corner and books seem to be understandable or way too out there.

Where can I get sensible advice about my body, sex, and masturbation?
Thanks,

well for me -- sex went from being in one ditch - to being in the other --------- never really "middle of the road".

csa age 5/6y
collecting pics age 10 +
compulsive mb age (prob age 10 also +)
porn use age 14+
strip joints 18+
NO SEX with ANOTHER PERSON until age 20yo (weird)
Multiple girlfriends age 20-32
Anon sex age 20+
Marriage age 32
Recovery for porn/sex addiction age 49
Sobriety Age 51
CSA Recovery started age 52

How can a sex addict be a virgin at age 20yo???????

I think I will puke now - also.

Foundation:
You may want to check out some of the books by our sex doc, Joe Kort. He's a gay man who knows csa and can address it from a gay perspective. He also does a good job with heterosexuality, particularly for straight men who act out with other men. His bibliography is available in the "ask the sex doc" column here.

Obi and all,
I can identify with the issues in this thread. It took courage to talk about this.

My first reaction is that you are making progress and dealing with blocked feelings about your sexuality that have their roots in abuse.

I was raped by older cousins at age six. After a number of years I forgot about the experience (PTSD amnesia), but it kept affecting me. I can now see that almost everything that occurred in the grooming before I was raped became a big deal for me. I repressed.

I never masturbated when I was a teenager. Never until after I had normal sex. Masturbation was a trigger because my cousins masturbated in front of me during the grooming.

Same with oral sex, even in a relationship. I would stop my girlfriend if she tried with some excuse. Not that it wasn't pleasurable. Again it was a trigger. I guess I was not ready then to remember about my abuse or to deal with it.

So I was shut down sexually in some very specific ways and I was hiding from repressed memories and feelings. I could go on...

But my main point is that this is a sign of progress. You are now letting yourself feel and do things that you weren't allowing before.

You are on your way.
Jim

Hi Obi.

I can relate to almost everything you said...even the medical castration part. I had that very same thought not too long ago...this world is so complicated, and almost ALL of it, in my world, revolves around the complications that sex can bring.

I'm a virgin too btw...and I'm 27, so you are not a freak!

Obi,
you story is totally understandable! I am so scared to have sex...it seems nasty to me (even though it's completely natural). How do people do it, ya know!! I'm happy to be a virgin, but it gets embarrassing when i get pressure from folks that say it doesn't look good for me to still be single. But it's my life and if I'm not comfortable, I need to deal with it in my own time, not theirs! best of luck to you and God Bless!