So glad I have found this site and you guys.
Today is a new day...I spent my life in a trance of what my family was and what was happening.....blaming myself for the situation.....when I was just a child and they were adults....

I guess it's easier to be the tail trying to wag the dog, rather than feel the grief and sorrow of what happened and the lives lost to this crazy madness....to realize that I was vulnerable to these scewed up people is so hard for me to accept. I get a really awful shameful feeling when I allow myself to realize that I had no control...I was vulnerable to these people...They could not even see me...and yet I was completely vulnerable to them......Man!

RecoveryReady1,
You were just a kid! Kids aren't supposed to be in control of everything or have all of the answers. That is supposed to be a adults role. We had our trust broken by adults! We were abused by the very people who were supposed to be teaching us the good parts of life and protecting us from the bad. There is no blame for you. It all belongs to them!

Hang in there brother,
Matt

Just need to keep affirming that.
I appreciate it.
When I forget that, I start to feel ashamed of myself and I want to hide. I start thinking they were normal and I should have done better.
Got to keep on setting the balance on that....moment by moment.
Tanks Matt... for taking the time to affirm that.
Hanging In There.....

Yes, Recover ...keep affirming that my brother ...keep telling yourself that yours is stolen innocence ...

Much love bro...

Forrest

__________

What child isn't vulnerable to to an adult or a parent?

I have been walking down the path of healing for 25-years and I still do not understand my parent's actions when I was a youth. The mystery in my story will never be told because, truthfully, my parents don't know themselves well enough to understand it, explain it or apologize for it.

In the end, the reasons of why are less important to me then the question of what am I going to do today to heal. I have many things in life that I wish I could change, but I now choose to control what I can and steer my life's ship in the direction of MY choosing.

Bless you for your decision heal and your willingness to question.

I am glad u r posting here RR-your experience, your thoughts
And struggles. I think we all fight against the trance of believing we were At fault and not our families for failingto protect or to help us.

I grew up in a very unhealthy family and still have to deal with the
-but I have my OWN family and friends who I am building healthy life with-i sometimes fall into old behavior like shutting down and blaming,'but it is noway like it was when I was around my birth family.

Recovery, I totally relate to what you're saying. It feels like Im the one betraying my parents! You are not alone

~Grant

I think it's like telling someone that you were abused as a child and they tell you ...carry on...don't get stuck in the past......control the things you can control...move on....all good advice but one has to say and go through what one has to say and feel and go through.