My abuse started at age 9 by my grandfather. It was common for him to tuck me into bed, so I didn't expect anything unusual...but the routine back massage turned into a fondling session. It didn't last too long as my grandma was in the other room. But the next morning as my grandma went to church, he continued the fondling and then proceeded with oral sex.
sometimes makes intimacy with my wife a challenge.
I had a similar experience with my grandfather but I was only 4 years old. Your report of your experience helps to validate mine. Thank you.
I report on my experience in pufferfish story part 2.http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthr...4009#Post214009
I think that my mother must have sensed that something was going on because she packed us up in the old Buick and we left for Colorado soon after. That of course put an end to the abuse.
Some of the guys have commented on how you reported your story without emotion. I think this is a normal response in that the details of the incident and the emotions of it are stored in different parts of the brain. Dissociation may also be involved. Therefore remembering what is stored in the "detail" part of the brain happens at a different time than remembering the emotional memories.
You may be already experiencing some of the emotional memories as PTSD reactions. If so, then you can get over your PTSD and possibly much of your ssa feelings as you progress with talking the matter over with a trained and trusted counselor. In other words, what you are calling ssa is really a PTSD reaction resulting from your abuse. That's the way it worked for me. Healing will be greatly facilitated when you get so you can remember the emotions and the details at once. Then you will get over your PTSD and probably much of your ssa (I think).
I had trouble remembering the details of the abuse with my grandfather at age 4. I found a movie which helped me remember visually. It was The Education of Little Tree
. The grandfather in that movie was very much like my own grandfather. In fact the whole setting of the movie in rural Tennessee was very reminiscent of my grandfather's place.