I guess you must have a Manchester UK link choosing a nickname like that ?
Anyway, wlecome to the site, I hope you find it a good place to be.
How did I decide what and how much much to disclose ? hell that's a hard one to answer precicsely, unfortunately recovery doesn't have hard and fast rules. Mostly we make it up as we go along !
And if that seems frightening, well, I suppose it is.
I'd be a liar to tell you otherwise.
I disclosed to my wife slowly, a bit at a time. Every bit I disclosed I thought about hard. Sometimes, even after a lot of thought and soul searching, I still hadn't got a clue what her reaction would be. But I grabbed a dose of 'bravery' from somewhere and tried it.
And you know what ? it worked.
I now know that it was largely dependent on her love for me.
And my doubts about her acceptance of what I was about to say were based on me not knowing how much she loved and trusted me. I just didn't recognise it.
But as I moved on and disclosed more, I learned that she accepted where I had been, what I had done and why I had done it. She said to me once "It wasn't you, it was those bastards in your body"
What she meant was I was still under the influence of my abusers, which I now realise was the truth.
I have sat and told her about acting out and giving BJ's to strangers. And believe me - that's fucking hard to do !
But I could only do that once we had established a level of trust between us, and, more importantly I think, a commitment from me that I was moving on and recovering.
I guess what I'm saying is that I disclosed detail and information when I thought we were both ready to accept it. It's an instinctive thing I suppose.
But I believe we all have those instincts.
I think we all know when the time is right to say something.
But we usually lack the confidence to actually seize the moment and say what we want.
Like I said earlier, it isn't easy. So we do have to take a risk and seize that moment, say something. If we dont - we never will.
You certainly aren't lying by holding anything back, when YOU'RE ready to tell, you'll do it.
And if it scares people away, then I would suggest that there isn't the trust between you that you thought was there. But I may be wrong there.
Someone I told my story to was very uncomfortable with what I'd said and pulled away from me. I think we'd both misjudged our friendship. We still talk but we're no longer big friends. And my view is that I've moved on but they haven't.
I hope I make some sense, trust yourself.
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau