Old Trafford
I guess you must have a Manchester UK link choosing a nickname like that ?
Anyway, wlecome to the site, I hope you find it a good place to be.

How did I decide what and how much much to disclose ? hell that's a hard one to answer precicsely, unfortunately recovery doesn't have hard and fast rules. Mostly we make it up as we go along !
And if that seems frightening, well, I suppose it is.
I'd be a liar to tell you otherwise.

I disclosed to my wife slowly, a bit at a time. Every bit I disclosed I thought about hard. Sometimes, even after a lot of thought and soul searching, I still hadn't got a clue what her reaction would be. But I grabbed a dose of 'bravery' from somewhere and tried it.

And you know what ? it worked.
I now know that it was largely dependent on her love for me.
And my doubts about her acceptance of what I was about to say were based on me not knowing how much she loved and trusted me. I just didn't recognise it.

But as I moved on and disclosed more, I learned that she accepted where I had been, what I had done and why I had done it. She said to me once "It wasn't you, it was those bastards in your body"
What she meant was I was still under the influence of my abusers, which I now realise was the truth.

I have sat and told her about acting out and giving BJ's to strangers. And believe me - that's fucking hard to do !
But I could only do that once we had established a level of trust between us, and, more importantly I think, a commitment from me that I was moving on and recovering.

I guess what I'm saying is that I disclosed detail and information when I thought we were both ready to accept it. It's an instinctive thing I suppose.
But I believe we all have those instincts.

I think we all know when the time is right to say something.
But we usually lack the confidence to actually seize the moment and say what we want.
Like I said earlier, it isn't easy. So we do have to take a risk and seize that moment, say something. If we dont - we never will.

You certainly aren't lying by holding anything back, when YOU'RE ready to tell, you'll do it.

And if it scares people away, then I would suggest that there isn't the trust between you that you thought was there. But I may be wrong there.
Someone I told my story to was very uncomfortable with what I'd said and pulled away from me. I think we'd both misjudged our friendship. We still talk but we're no longer big friends. And my view is that I've moved on but they haven't.

I hope I make some sense, trust yourself.

Dave

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Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau