Brothers,

I am astonished. Tears are welling up in my eyes right now as I feel like I'm being gently immersed in a warm emotional blanked provided by - The Universe.

What, am I nuts? Yes. But that's besides the point.

This past couple of days, as I've begun to consciously focus my efforts on recovering from csa, I am just now beginning to see how much strength and perseverance I have within me. Its like looking at a hill in front of me, and then looking further and seeing that hill is a foothill to a larger mountain behind it, and that mountain is just a outcropping on a gigantic monolith.

It's awesome. It's beautiful. It's powerful. And its me.

Tears flowing freely now.

I'm astonished that I had a glimpse of "Realizing that God has been doing for us, what we could not do for ourselves."

I've been so angry that I have put so much work into comprehending my own personal issues, and feeling like I've gotten absolutely no where.

But now, I see, that I HAVE been doing recovery work. I've been focusing on becoming self aware, asking myself questions about my motivations, how am I treating others, what is dysfunctional? I've been doing this for YEARS before I came to realize the root of all this crap: childhood sexual abuse.

I've carried a tremendous burden my entire life, and I did my best to chug through this life without inflicting pain on others, correcting my errors, and always seeking to become a better person - in spite of the rage and hurt and sorrow I constantly carried. I am an incredibly strong man for it.

"It will feel sudden and magical, but you've actually been working towards it for a long time. Everything else you did in your life led you to this moment." Victims No Longer p. 54 2nd ed.

I am astonished.

Gratefully,

D

Way to Go Dillon!

Sounds like you are "making tracks"-one of my favorite metaphors for recovery as we leave the "swamp" of confusion, isolation, and desperation, and start moving on.

Moving on out, onwards, upwards, and towards the voices of our fellow survivors who are just a few steps ahead of us, climbing up the hills, foothills and mountains and making altitude.

I hear you saying "look at me" as you stand on the slopes, looking back at how far you've already come!

Jamie

Thanks

I just realized I may have posted this in the wrong section. Where do I post these types of posts for feedback?