If there's any group of guys who know what I'm talking about, it's you guys. Here's what happened recently.
While looking for a new T through the MS site, I found out about a very efficient therapy mode called Rapid Resolution Therapy (RRT). I was very impressed since many of the video testimonials were from SA survivors, and after just a few sessions, they had found some profound healing from the emotional traumas they had suffered. So I found the site for the therapy (www.rapidresolutiontherapy.com
) and found a list of trained T's.
I found T's who practice it in my state, and it can be done from anywhere via phone or Skype. However, the first two I checked out went for about $250/hr, and neither carried my insurance plan. The insurance was key because my copay is only $60. I looked, and one advertised she carried my plan, so I called her. I stayed with her due to "just wanting to get it done!!" and not wanting to put my short bio out to yet another T--I had already contacted about 6 in the prior 24 hours--not RRT T's. I wanted what they (the people giving the testimonials) had....NOW!
But why? Why would I choose a female T? I've had (guarded) honesty from me with them in the last 10 years, and being with a male T has always allowed much
much more authenticity. Maybe I made a rash choice, but......I wanted to test RRT. I even told her while interviewing her. She thought it very bold. (No, the TRUTH is I wanted healing NOW!!!
Well, I interviewed her over the phone, but I chose to do our first session via Skype, which I'd never done. She was very direct, and my triggers were not alive much in the first 20 minutes.
When she challenged my thinking though, redirecting my communication, I found myself....feeling and thinking like I did as a child. I was (internally) resistant. She saw it in my speech and eye movements, and as is RRT's value, she continually reminded me where I was--in my living room, not in my childhood home. It's focus keeps one in the present moment. RRT works almost entirely with the subconcious, using words, symbols, and ideas to let the client know it is in the past. It has real value.
I'm feeling fear though. I'd love someone to coddle me here, feel sorry for me, but........it's never helped. I'd love someone to carry this pain. But I'm asking
Would you stay?
I know I can find reasons why anyone is not an valuable friend, therapist, or anything important, or something I don't think I need, when in fact, I do need them
. It's also why my life has really diminished the last 7 years or so.....because anyone who makes me feel threatened I X out of my reality!! I just X them out of awareness.
She wasn't dangerous. She was actually very encouraging. But I felt like a little kid, maybe 6 or younger, and according to that mentality, I kept a LOT inside. I had to force myself to speak up, for old patterns were saying "unsafe! It's unknown, so keep it in". She actually spotted my behavior, and....I felt relieved, but vulnerable to emotional harm.
I'll list some ideas as to what I may do before we meet again, and I'll ask for additional imput from guys who have "been there, done that".
I can call or email her to let her know my reactions, my "keep it in" mode.
I can dump her, blame her for my pain, feel sorry for myself, and hope someone else joins my pity party (how many times have I/we done that?) I could then find another T, talk bad about her, and remain a victim (I've done this too, numerous times)
I can resume with her, articulate fears, ask to be heard, but listen
to her to see if I'm looking for faults (faultfinding). I could (should even) tell her I've been doing that. If I stay with her, I'll get a better feel for RRT's validity, and maybe.......even leave my Mom triggers behind!! Because THAT's why I'm seeking treatment with RRT!!!
I'll take any imput on this. Thank you for allowing me to share--"not allowed" was my childhood standard--but I'm 39 now. Anyway, thanks for reading this.