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#348297 - 12/16/10 09:40 AM Re: My story [Re: diamondheart]
une.vie.d.espoir Offline


Registered: 12/06/10
Posts: 106
Loc: Quebec-Canada
I hope it is to you I am wrighting Derek.

I fell bad I dint I never wanted to hurt Robert honest.


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#348302 - 12/16/10 11:01 AM Re: My story [Re: une.vie.d.espoir]
Ever-fixed Mark Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/02/10
Posts: 728
Loc: United States
Originally Posted By: une.vie.d.espoir
I know I should forgive my dad in the eyes of are Lord. Eatch Day I pray God to forgive me.

You don't need to forgive anyone unless and until the path to your recovery requires it. I don't believe forgivness is required of survivors, although many come to find it is a stepping stone on their path through recovery.

For forgiveness to be offered, the wrongdoer must ask to be forgiven along with an admission of culpability, a contrite heart, and seeking to make genuine amends. Even if all of these are present, there is still no obligation to forgive.

There is no "should" in forgiveness. No one can tell you that you must forgive, especially if the wrongdoer has never asked for it.

-efm


_________________________

Everybody here's got a story to tell
Everybody's been through their own hell
There's nothing too special about getting hurt
Getting over it, that takes the work

- "Duck and Cover" by Glen Phillips

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#348303 - 12/16/10 11:25 AM Re: My story [Re: jj78]
pufferfish Online   embarrased
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6852
Loc: USA
Originally Posted By: jj78

...
My abuse started at age 9 by my grandfather. It was common for him to tuck me into bed, so I didn't expect anything unusual...but the routine back massage turned into a fondling session. It didn't last too long as my grandma was in the other room. But the next morning as my grandma went to church, he continued the fondling and then proceeded with oral sex.
...
sometimes makes intimacy with my wife a challenge.
...


jj78

I had a similar experience with my grandfather but I was only 4 years old. Your report of your experience helps to validate mine. Thank you.

I report on my experience in pufferfish story part 2.

http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthr...4009#Post214009

I think that my mother must have sensed that something was going on because she packed us up in the old Buick and we left for Colorado soon after. That of course put an end to the abuse.

Some of the guys have commented on how you reported your story without emotion. I think this is a normal response in that the details of the incident and the emotions of it are stored in different parts of the brain. Dissociation may also be involved. Therefore remembering what is stored in the "detail" part of the brain happens at a different time than remembering the emotional memories.

You may be already experiencing some of the emotional memories as PTSD reactions. If so, then you can get over your PTSD and possibly much of your ssa feelings as you progress with talking the matter over with a trained and trusted counselor. In other words, what you are calling ssa is really a PTSD reaction resulting from your abuse. That's the way it worked for me. Healing will be greatly facilitated when you get so you can remember the emotions and the details at once. Then you will get over your PTSD and probably much of your ssa (I think).

I had trouble remembering the details of the abuse with my grandfather at age 4. I found a movie which helped me remember visually. It was The Education of Little Tree. The grandfather in that movie was very much like my own grandfather. In fact the whole setting of the movie in rural Tennessee was very reminiscent of my grandfather's place.

Allen





Edited by pufferfish (12/16/10 11:29 AM)

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#349213 - 12/28/10 10:15 PM Re: My story [Re: pufferfish]
Guss Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/17/10
Posts: 26
Loc: tx usa
I don't think you show lack of emotion. The abuse tends to numb us. In part, it's a self-defense mechanism.
The important things for us to remember are that we are not at fault, it is not something we wanted, and we have the right to be angry, bitter, sad or whatever we are feeling towards them.
I went through years of bitterness, and rage. I wanted to kill the man who attacked me. I considered it several times. I am glad I didn't do it. He took so much from me, if I'd killed him, he'd have gotten what was left.
At times, I felt strong SSA. I never acted upon it, and was confused as to why I felt that way. I have since learned that if I have healthy male friendships, I don't feel any SSA at all.
Don't give up. You deserve to heal, and you are worth it.

_________________________
moooooo

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#350655 - 01/13/11 04:29 PM Re: My story [Re: Guss]
damagedgoods Offline


Registered: 01/09/11
Posts: 7
Loc: California
JJ78
It is what it is'SSA" your still searching and so am i, we have that in common.
damagedgoods...

_________________________
Found this site thru my therapist, I was molested by my Fathers best friend at age 13 for two yrs. Trusting men is my biggest problem.

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#350808 - 01/15/11 12:21 AM Re: My story [Re: jj78]
tommyb Offline


Registered: 11/29/10
Posts: 361
Loc: American South
__________


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#350847 - 01/15/11 11:55 AM Re: My story [Re: tommyb]
itrahan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/02/10
Posts: 96
Loc: Louisiana, Gulf Coast
ij78,
Oh so familiar, I am 49rs, married 20+yrs and kids etc. On telling my story at a WOR I also recieved a comment on lack of emotion, was a very revealing comment an AH-AH moment, you see I hadn't realize to what degree I had disassociated & isolated myself emotionally. I had the family, house, career etc, even church going. But I never realized the depth of the void & lack of emotion in my life. The comment was not meant to be negative or hurtful but an observation of the lack of emotion where extreme pain & frustration should have been, common to CSA survivors. What a thought or awareness for me that life could be more meaningful & satisfying if I could just be able to feel & experience emotion clearly & truthfully. I find myself seeking SSA situtautions getting intoxicated on the stimulus & intense passions felt, knowing they are temporal and shallow keeping my inner self walled up & safe. It is destructive none the less but still find myself drawn.....being that imposter seeking gratification over truth or revelation. I wish you the very best.


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#350863 - 01/15/11 02:23 PM Re: My story [Re: itrahan]
Magellan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/31/10
Posts: 1401
Loc: California
Wow, incredible insight. The way you wrote that out created a clear picture of cause/effect/action/change.

Beautiful. Thank you!

D



Edited by tdillon (01/18/11 06:04 PM)
_________________________
It's a heroes journey, and you are the hero.

Loving Kindness Meditation will dramatically improve your spirits; give it a try for just 3 days: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sz7cpV7ERsM

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#350872 - 01/15/11 05:52 PM Re: My story [Re: une.vie.d.espoir]
Czaesar72 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/24/10
Posts: 211
Loc: California, USA
frown


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#350894 - 01/15/11 11:20 PM Re: My story [Re: Czaesar72]
jj78 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/10/10
Posts: 108
Loc: Midwest
Hey guys...just wanted to thank all of you who have responded these past few days...it means a lot to me. I believe my initial post was viewed as lacking emotion, but that certainly is not the case. I think for years it was just easier to repress what happened to me, but I've always had my moments. Since joining here, I've forced myself to stop the repression (a bit) and have certainly felt more emotions. I actually created a new thread in the music section to convey songs that speak emotionally to me.

Anyway, thanks so much again...love you guys!



Edited by jj78 (11/01/11 10:59 PM)

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