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#348451 - 12/18/10 11:31 AM facing huge challenge
Avery46 Offline


Registered: 09/23/10
Posts: 1243
Loc: USA
In a few hours I will be meeting face to face with a woman. For those of you who know me know I have NOT spent anytime with a woman for nearly 20 years - or at least in an intimate manner.

NO This is NOT a date. Although, I am not sure what to call our meeting.

Well tell already huh....

I am meeting L after spending 3 months on FB getting to know her. Well her and her kids. I am going to meet this mom whose daughters were molested by their dad. She has a 10 year old son as well.

Lots to be "aware" of. this meeting has lots of potential goodness amongst a great deal of pain both theirs and mine. The mom knows some of my story and has shared with me the court docs.

Anyway, I know I will have to keep perspective and my own truth.

Will let you know how it goes.

Any thoughts?

Donnie

btw - mods if this post would fit better elsewhere then let me know.



Edited by Avery46 (12/18/10 11:31 AM)
Edit Reason: btw message
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#348461 - 12/18/10 03:02 PM Re: facing huge challenge [Re: Avery46]
Barkabus Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/09/08
Posts: 809
Awesome Donnie. I guess the best way to look at it is that you are just reaching out, getting to know someone and allowing them to get to know you, Regardless of the gender of the person. I think this is a very healthy step in the right direction. I'm reading a book right now that covers the natural human need for bonding. For my own sense of safety, bonding with others is something I have avoided for years. I know I need to for my emotional well being but I'm not quite there yet. Perhaps someday, soon even maybe.

So I admit, I have a tinge of healthy jealousy (if there is such a thing) for you.

Mike


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#348470 - 12/18/10 06:32 PM Re: facing huge challenge [Re: Barkabus]
Neverquit Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/26/10
Posts: 147
Loc: Ohio
Congratulations. It seems like you have been making a lot of progress lately, keep up the good work. I hope you find time to reward yourself, you deserve it.

~Grant

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There is always hope

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#348484 - 12/18/10 10:42 PM Re: facing huge challenge [Re: Neverquit]
NatureDrum Offline
New Here

Registered: 12/08/07
Posts: 116
Donnie,

Good for you! It's a big step, but remember, it's a natural step. Have fun!

NatureDrum

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Negotiating the treaty for peace of mind.

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#348596 - 12/20/10 12:08 PM Re: facing huge challenge [Re: Avery46]
Avery46 Offline


Registered: 09/23/10
Posts: 1243
Loc: USA
Originally Posted By: Avery46
....daughters were molested by their dad. She has a 10 year old son as well.....Lots to be "aware" of.


Lots of deep breaths. This is Justice in Action. If I ever wanted to be apart of the process of getting justice for the awful actions of the perpetrators/monsters this is it. I am apart of the recovery process for this mom and myself. As an adult, I can do this. I have to be careful to take care of little me as this process frightens him. Whether this CSA happens to boys or girls the ramifications are the same.

I am going to go into detail here as a way to communicate "healthy" justice and resolution from CSA. For me as a survivor this "meeting" was just as powerful than a 1:1 with my therapist=T or maybe 10 visits with my T. I will not get legal Justice for the perps in my life.

What a wonderful meeting!!! A dear friend - a fellow survivor was there for support and healing for the 1st hour. This happened unexpectantly but was very needed. I never thought to ask for help. Thanks Allan.

It was a meeting of survivors really. The most wonderful part of the meeting was the "telling" of your truths. This Mom who I will call L is a survivor as well as myself. I "learned" so much from L. She is the embodiment of a supportive - protective, loving and joyous - participant in her daughters, and son's life. As I listened to her speak, being a father myself, I at times was filled with great sadness and anger for the man those girls and boy called "dad". Many moms for decades in the past "ignored" such heidous happenings. This mom as soon as she found out set into motion 1. the capture of her "husband" at the time 2. the protection of her children - they had to move 3. the prosecution of the perp which included supporting her daughers 4. the daily care of herself, and her children and many more items....

*****triggers**8

I was really listening and felt the anger and incredible sadness for the assaults that the girls and possibly the boy went through. L told me of the actions of the perp and shared his statements/beliefs/excuses for his behavior which we have heard from the perps in our lives. One statement the perp made in court was "it was the way they showed me how they loved me". I heard this as a little boy so many times. What hogwash!!!!

This makes me sick, angry and disgusted.

This meeting is one of the biggest healing and CONNECTING moments of my life. I am honored to share it with you my brothers.

Whew!!!!

LOVE,
little Donnie and big Donnie



Edited by Avery46 (12/20/10 03:09 PM)
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#348650 - 12/20/10 09:13 PM Re: facing huge challenge [Re: Avery46]
Avery46 Offline


Registered: 09/23/10
Posts: 1243
Loc: USA
I AM A SURVIVOR. I HAVE CONQUERED, TIED UP, AND THROWN AWAY THE KEY TO MY HEART, MIND AND SOUL TO THOSE MONSTERS/PERPS.

FUCK YOU PERVERTS!!!

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#348659 - 12/20/10 10:03 PM Re: facing huge challenge [Re: Avery46]
Mountainous Buck Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/15/09
Posts: 1626
Loc: Minnesota
amen! a thousand AMENS!

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“It doesn't matter where you've come from,
It matters where you go" Frank Turner

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#348716 - 12/21/10 09:57 AM Re: facing huge challenge [Re: Mountainous Buck]
1227ms Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/01/10
Posts: 98
Loc: PA
Avery46,
What a testament to what is possible!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hope for a future life. Freedom from the darkness inside us which was placed there by our perps through no fault of ours! I hope and pray that you find more healing through the act of reaching out. You are an inspiration to me through your courage to conquer your past.

Your brother in healing,
Matt

_________________________
“Everything becomes a little different as soon as it is spoken out loud.”
Hermann Hesse

Hope Springs alumnus 2011

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#348747 - 12/21/10 02:30 PM Re: facing huge challenge [Re: 1227ms]
Avery46 Offline


Registered: 09/23/10
Posts: 1243
Loc: USA
This is challenging me to "reframe" the atrocities caused by PERPS.

I am having "mini" flashbacks. My emotions are all over the f'en place. Sorry I don't usually get so worked up but @#$%^&*.

****triggers***

I am remember the perps sticking me with ... and telling me how much they loved me. @#$%^**^#$%^&*()(. Just like what the dad did to these kids. I just want to scream. URGH.

This Dad only got 6 years but his kids will have a lifetime of "issues" from his selfish desire that drove him to have power over children - WTF.

I am so ANGRY. NO wonder us survivors "explode"

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#349051 - 12/25/10 09:09 PM Re: facing huge challenge [Re: Avery46]
Avery46 Offline


Registered: 09/23/10
Posts: 1243
Loc: USA
I am relatively calm. I met this mom and her kids for dinner and to see a movie today.

I felt like a total perv. The mom shared with me her struggles and I have shared mine over the last 4 months. I met her kids. The teen girls had been molested by their dad. He was arrested last year. The son is 10.

This was intense. I kept thinking how could this dad do this to his children. I am completely baffled. I know it happened to me for 16 years by my mom and her many bf's. BUT sheesh...have sex with a child...

I wanted to hug them all and make the pain go all away. I wanted to tell them it was great to meet and hope to see you again...but I did NOT .. thought it was pervert like. I keep thinking about my kids and all those what if questions...really beating up on myself..how to stop them

whew....



Edited by Avery46 (12/26/10 12:00 AM)
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