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#349046 - 12/25/10 04:54 PM Confirmation: Divine Justice
men_of_hrts.dbw Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/20/09
Posts: 301
Loc: Orchidland Big Island Hawaii
Friday the 13th, May 1983; the day of separation on my divorce papers. I never forgot the day because I told folks I was married on Valentine's Day and divorced on Friday the thirteenth.
I left work and began moving my cars/trucks/possessions by driving the vehicles full of stuff the mile to my cottage on Hwy 9 in Felton Ca. Then I'd walk back for another load with my nine month old daughter on my shoulders.
At about 9:00 PM I was done. I put my daughter down on a matteress on the floor. I was mentally shot and emotionally hurting.
This was six years after the hostage, rape and torture I survived
and the untreated post-sexual assault trauma was wrecking havoc on my life. The pre-sexual anxiety and flashbasks during sex ruined my ability, and was a major factor in the divorce.
So on May 13th 1983 @9:00 PM I started to drink and smoke weed to handle the pain.. I was mad .
I was in anguish on the floor cussing God for letting that man get me and mess up my sexuality. I recall standing and raging at God then I went to bed.
On July 6th 2007 I finally told someone what happened, for nine months I was very psychotic/neurotic and even experiencing psychosomatic "body memories" of the torture. It was like being there reliving the abduction in vivid reality.
On April 8th-12th 2008 I found the man who took me to breakfast like I was his date and then let me go.
I read his history and the night he was caught with a dead victim in his car on a routeen traffic stop at 1:00 AM May 14th 1983: four hours after I got done conversing with God.

_________________________
Doug>ASA Survivor (1x)
ECV 6001/MaTuCa Chapter 1849
E Clampus Vitus
"What Say the Brethren"
"Hang the Bastards"

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#349062 - 12/26/10 01:38 AM Re: Confirmation: Divine Justice [Re: men_of_hrts.dbw]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6875
Loc: USA
Click to reveal..
I guess it's OK to add to your thought.

I have found that the man who abused me in kiddie porn when I was a tot died of a heart attack.

The grandfather who abused me died an extremely painful and prolonged death of atelectasis a few years later.

Allen



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#349083 - 12/26/10 02:01 PM Re: Confirmation: Divine Justice [Re: pufferfish]
men_of_hrts.dbw Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/20/09
Posts: 301
Loc: Orchidland Big Island Hawaii
Allen
Predators can never call themselves a survivor. I told that to a ten year former friend when he told me he raped a girl in college. He minimized his actions, I was disgusted with him and told him so.
Google up Willie Nesler if you want to read a tragidy, all because of lack of professional treatment. I have followed the story since day one---I live ten miles from his old home.
When I get a chance I want to contact him, he's in prison, and see if he could use some outside support. Carefully.
It started very early in Aug/2007 that men were somehow contacting me for referral/peer suport and even at my front door in Texas; a lot of first disclosures.
Here I was a mess and people were seeking, even non-victims wanting a copy of my 203 Survivorship Guidelines Series in the long version. I was asked to be part of this areas sex trafficking coalition.
Even while I was homeless for 18 months I almost daily met people at street level with sexual trauma; untreated.
Last October I sat with four men; all with first disclosures at this church/private operated men's home I live at.
It's like God has given me a unwanted blessing and the experience to help others; victims, survivors and the non-victim.
My direction is more with educating non-victims; parents paranoia and their lack of having a plan if sexual abuse occures.
Most parents don't tell their children how to survive the assault and information on post-sexual assault trauma. They don't access info untill post-assault.
The long version of the guidelines put all this information one step in front of the victim.
I recall the day of inspiration in Jul/07, not three weeks into this journey. I thought like Mose's, i told God pick someone else, who do I know I'm a mess. But now just over three and a half years has passed and I'm still a mess at times but like the day before Christmas when a young father asked me for a copy, his five year old son was abused.
These encounters give me a feeling that God gave me a seed and I stashed it away for three decades untill I could plant and harvest it.
In a church last June/10 a woman mentioned my Men_of_HRT/S tatoo on my left forearm, I told her to see me after the Prayer and Praise outside for a cigerette and I'll explain.
I told her w/o details and the guidelines I developed for myself, then converted for others to read. She began to tell me about her own history. I was blown away because she had same sex abuse and exactly the same SSA and sexuality confusion I sufered from. And like myself, she felt hetrosexual.
I still maintain contact and together I helped her remove avoidence issues, identify what I call security barriers and insecurity barracades, flashbacks, sexual reorientation and PTSD remedies for Peace, Understanding and Comfort.
I told my sister its my new job. She knows all of the deal,w/o details, anyway she was expressing some secondary trauma and I referred her to a well known threapist/author at the University of Santa Cruz Ca. My sis lives twenty minutes from there. She asked me how I know these professionals. I said, one step at a time.

_________________________
Doug>ASA Survivor (1x)
ECV 6001/MaTuCa Chapter 1849
E Clampus Vitus
"What Say the Brethren"
"Hang the Bastards"

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#424572 - 02/07/13 02:52 AM . [Re: men_of_hrts.dbw]
Life's A Dream Offline


Registered: 08/25/11
Posts: 886
Loc: Bouvet Island
.


Edited by Life's A Dream (04/21/13 10:29 PM)

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