Hello,

I wanted to know if anyone suffers from associating intimacy and sex closely when it comes to life situations? For example, I feel very uncomfortable with touch and space. If a person is standing too close to me, I start feeling violated and extremely uncomfortable. I also struggle with fears of violating another person even though I know it is not occurring. For example, when I change my daughter's diaper, I am very nervous about cleaning her and sometimes feel like I am violating her privacy by seeing her privates. I feel bad even though I know I did not do nothing wrong. However, I just focus on how she is feeling and make sure that she is comfortable.

Another issue is happiness during christmas time. When I was abused at six years old, I always predicted and wanted an early death because I could not stand my body. However, I am now 26 years old and still feel worthless. When I see my wife and child before me, days before christmas, I get emotional and depressed. I question my worth and become confused how a person of almost no worth can be blessed by God to have such as beautiful family. I feel like I settle for life, trying to get by and only if i did not get abused, would I be all I could be!

However, I had this desire to overcome and tell myself that I am worthy of value and respect and having great things in my life such as a daughter and loving wife. But eventually, I got really scared and thought I could not handle acting like a man that I dont believe I am which is of value. I have revealed this to my wife and she encourages me. I struggle with my feelings of low worth and celebrating christmas with my family is so difficult because if god could bless me with a wife and kid, why couldn't he protect me when I was being abused?

if you can give me any thoughts to how you relate, it would help. I am feeling very ashamed for dealing with these issues and alone from the world. Please be honest in how I am not the only one...

thank you

Hey 1love

I HEAR you.

You are not the only one who has those thoughts-anything that separates me from the reality of God's love in his world is NOT Gods doing.

Fear of intimacy and closeness are consequences of sexual abuse that hasnt been dealt with_a good T will guide you towards processing those deep feelings so they can stay where they belong-as Part of the past and not an active part of the present.

Those who failed to protect their children or get them help were free to do so-they had free will. I guess this makes me stronger today - I know that hell and separation and feeling of being lost and broken.

But today I have hope as long as I keep trying to move forward. That is the opposite of isolating and keeping secrets.

I hope you can find men who are supportive and safe -seek them out and join them. MS is a start at finding community of men with similar backgrounds who understand-wisdom if you will.

Sometimes I just have to act grateful for the blessings in my life-I am sober, sexually healing, and have A family that needs me to keep them safe and strong. I can do that-today.

God wants us to prosper and lead-because of where we come from, we are powerfully qualified and equipped to do amazing things.