Overt homophobia is when your partner dies and his family breaks into his apartment the morning after and strips it bare of his and your belongings. Then to find you have no legal basis to fight this crime and get your belongings back because the "state" doesn't recognise your relationship. I've been there.
Overt homophobia is when you are being assaulted and being called a derogatory name. I've been there.
Overt homophobia is when you are discriminated against in subtle or overt ways within the healthcare system or the workplace, I've been there.
But that's not what my post was originally about.
efm said it wonderfully: "Gay men can have a difficult battle when their own internalized homophobia is triggered by the realization that they are gay and I think the same is true of straight male survivors dealing with feelings of same-sex attraction."
That's my point, there is constant stream of expression of implied and internalised homophobia in the male survivor community, not just this site, and I'm simply over it.
Even though I understand the why's and how's as to why it exists it still frustrates the heck out of me.
Blaidd, it breaks my heart that not only have you had to deal with CSA but all of the above! I am sorry that you had to go through that... You didn't deserve any of that! None of us does...
These are the reasons why I stand up! If we don't stand up, even if it is in little ways, then nothing will change!
Voicing your concerns over homophobia to me is huge! You are standing up for not only yourself but others!
I too am tired of having to always fight. I wish it were easier!
I really regret raising this whole issue and wish I'd kept my mouth shut.
I feel for guys who struggle with the issue of SSA. It is not my intention to be attacking anyone who has to come to terms with it as part of their healing journey. I understand the distress this issue causes those who are dealing with it.
But as a gay man I simply have a hard time reconciling the two points of view. One point of view is being gay and seeing it as a beautiful expression of our humanity. The other is that straight or confused men having same sex attraction is scene as a pathology which is self-destructive and needs to be repressed.
I feel that this latter point of view gives people a license to express feelings that come across to me as homophobic and I feel uncomfortable with this.
I have to learn how not to take this personally.
I am very glad that you did bring up the subject, it is very important! I stand with you!
NO ONE can blame everything on triggers, homophobia still exists even if it is not obvious! This website is not exempt from it... We have a chance and opportunity to open others eyes... Sure not everyone will understand or listen but there are others who will...
Sure it is complicated and complex especially when it comes to survivors dealing with SSA and the CSA... Sure people project all the time... but it doesn't make it right or less harmful... I wonder how much easier it would be for them, if there wasn't this stigma with being with another man... Sure the csa can cloud things, but its this idea that being with a man is a bad thing... and it just plays into all the other messages we hear about it being wrong, a sin and bad...
I believe there is nothing wrong with voicing your feelings and concerns... I am glad you had the courage to stand up... Even I struggled to say something... I wanted to but was too afraid....
I also believe that other gay people have internalized homophobia, how could one not with the messages we recieve on a daily basis...
Even though we have made strides when it comes to equality, we have to acknowledge that being gay is still really tough! It isn't easy for anyone, whether you are in the closet or not!
I mean we live during a time where people think it's okay that we don't have equal rights. Plus some feel it is okay to treat us like second class citizens by calling us names, harming us physically and discriminating against us...
There is ALOT to overcome! But we are in this together... I really hope Blaidd that you continue to give yourself your voice, I want to hear it! I understand if you feel you have to take some space but know I really appreciate and believe in all you say!!!
And it goes for everyone else too... This is our place to talk about things, even things that are difficult and touchy... The key is how we treat each other... Sure we are going to disagree sometimes but that doesn't mean its bad... I try take care with everything I say or do but I am human and have emotions... I get triggered too.... We all do.
Not too long ago, I hide who I was because of others insecurities and fears... and the fact that standing up can sometimes put you in the line of fire! I now realize I am letting all the nay sayers win... Letting them have control... So I am going to push through my fears, stand up for what I believe in and allow myself the voice I was born with...
I have shared this quote before but I believe it is worth repeating:
Our Deepest Fear
by Marianne Williamson
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”