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#348379 - 12/17/10 02:21 PM Instafamily
philistine Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/27/09
Posts: 210
Loc: Oregon
The man I am dating found out that he had a daughter 3 days before Thanksgiving.
He was excited and I hoped he had reason to be.
He flew her cross country to meet her.
I kept my perspective, didn't have problems until I met her.
Let's just say we did not hit it off.
To the point that I am trying to decide if I want to continue to date my bf if she is a part of his life.
I am tired of dealing with her BS after 7 days, what will it be like in 70 or 700?

_________________________
Mike

"No price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself" - Nietzsche

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#348384 - 12/17/10 03:47 PM Re: Instafamily [Re: philistine]
Ever-fixed Mark Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/02/10
Posts: 729
Loc: United States
I'm sorry to hear that, Philistine.

Can you be a little more detailed in how you didn't "hit it off"? How old is this girl? Is she just being a teenager? Is she confused how to relate to you?

Sometimes these momentous family realignments take some time to settle and shake out.

-efm

_________________________

Everybody here's got a story to tell
Everybody's been through their own hell
There's nothing too special about getting hurt
Getting over it, that takes the work

- "Duck and Cover" by Glen Phillips

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#348392 - 12/17/10 05:41 PM Re: Instafamily [Re: Ever-fixed Mark]
blaidd Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/01/00
Posts: 240
Loc: Australia
wow what a bombshell that must have been for both of you. I don't envy your position Mike, it would be extremely difficult. I'm not sure how I would react under those circumstances. I hope you can work through it and decide what is best for you.

blaidd


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#348396 - 12/17/10 06:20 PM Re: Instafamily [Re: blaidd]
philistine Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/27/09
Posts: 210
Loc: Oregon
She is 20, with 3 kids.
She is out of her home half of the country meeting her dad for the first time.
She is acting like Paris Hilton, is the best way to describe it.
All I get is gimmee gimmee gimmee.
She is using her fathers guilt to act like an entitled fool/
She is also extremely disrespectful.



Edited by philistine (12/17/10 06:21 PM)
_________________________
Mike

"No price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself" - Nietzsche

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#348397 - 12/17/10 06:23 PM Re: Instafamily [Re: philistine]
philistine Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/27/09
Posts: 210
Loc: Oregon
I talked about her with my T.
It boils down to the fact that I am feeling used, by both her father and her.
She is taking pot shots at our relationship, seeing if she can form a wedge.

_________________________
Mike

"No price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself" - Nietzsche

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#348410 - 12/17/10 09:34 PM Re: Instafamily [Re: philistine]
diamondheart Offline
Member

Registered: 02/25/01
Posts: 157
Loc: Michigan
Have you got a chance to talk things over with your boyfriend and tell him how you feel?

Ultimately, you have to do what is best for you... Which I know can be tough when it comes to someone you care about.

Hang in there. Huggs.

_________________________
I am a gay guy just trying to find my way...

http://itismytimetoshine.wordpress.com

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#348417 - 12/18/10 12:50 AM Re: Instafamily [Re: diamondheart]
Bewlayb1 Offline
Guest

Registered: 08/03/07
Posts: 241
Loc: NYC
Hi, Mike. That definitely sounds like a sticky situation. I believe that she may very well be a destructive person, out to take advantage of the man you are dating, and drive a wedge between you and him. I'm reminded of a girl in my office, who also had a child as a teenager. It's definitely not the case with every young mother, but she carried around lot of resentment. I felt she justified manipulating and backstabbing her coworkers because, in her mind, they had it easier than she did. After she and I had an argument, she actually lied to the boss, saying I kept harrassing the next day when I hadn't even spoken to her. I was afraid I was going to be transferred. Luckily, nothing came of it.

Eventually, I had to learn to tolerate her. I was working with her eight hours a day, after all, in an area where there were only four of us. She ended up quitting abruptly, moving back in with her parents in another state to escape her abusive boyfriend. I'm sure my boss didn't take her allegations about me seriously after that. She just saw her as troubled.

My instinct is, this situation might be analagous to yours. You just have to deal with her. Her father, filled with feelings of guilt, shock and warmth for his flesh and blood, won't see her clearly. Trying to enlighten him will probably backfire. If she's as devious as you suggest she is, her true colors will show in time. The truth always outs. I would think, at the very least, she will fade into the background once the excitement of meeting her has passed. The only question is whether the man you are dating is worth the stress and the wait. Only you can answer that. I hope everything works out for the best.


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#348677 - 12/21/10 12:51 AM Re: Instafamily [Re: Bewlayb1]
philistine Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/27/09
Posts: 210
Loc: Oregon
I calmed down.
That is why I love this site.
Most of our problems were because I was riled up.
Needed to talk about it and think it through.
I apologized to her for my statements, few though they were.
She apologized to me.
I still think she is a spoiled brat, but time has a tendency to make that trait disappear.

Thanks for listening and helping me defuse a situation before it really set me off.

_________________________
Mike

"No price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself" - Nietzsche

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#348686 - 12/21/10 03:06 AM Re: Instafamily [Re: philistine]
diamondheart Offline
Member

Registered: 02/25/01
Posts: 157
Loc: Michigan
Glad to hear things are better, hang in there. I know its tough... Huggs...

_________________________
I am a gay guy just trying to find my way...

http://itismytimetoshine.wordpress.com

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