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#3486 - 09/01/02 11:03 AM coming to grips with addiction
abcd Offline
Member

Registered: 10/20/00
Posts: 189
Loc: GA
NOTE: This is actually a cut-and-paste job to another post, but I wanted to see what other people thought about this subject...

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In the past few months, I had done things that in retrospect, I have regretted a great deal--experimenting with things, sleeping around with random guys, one who was even married. While there was no threat to my health per se (safe, didn't really do THAT much, VERY selective, etc.,), I have realized more and more that I was falling quickly into a spiral--perhaps the same that you are getting into.

After reading some posts on here, however, I think I am coming to terms with some of my issues and am realizing why it is that I engaged in destructive behavior. Yes, part of it was just experimentation with guys (since I've only been used to girls and still am in the "straight scene"), but a lot of it was a need for empathy. I am not here to get all emotional and stuff, but I think I've realized that bottom line for abused is perhaps really that: the need for empathy.

Whatever "addiction" we get into whether its sex, drugs, pornography, or alcohol is perhaps an outlet for that. Sometimes it just allows us to escape reality and sometimes it allows us to bond with those who are there for sex, drugs, or alcohol. One thing I've realized though is that many times, these aren't genuine bonds. They can be very superficial, and in the case of the abused, what we are sometimes looking for is other people in our exact spots...i.e. abused persons who are our age with our personalities and similar problems.

At least, that's what I've found for me, and perhaps, that is the same for others out there. If it is, well the sooner one realizes that, then the sooner one may be able to get one's problems/addictions in control because one knows the bottom line of what it is one truly wants.

Seriously, ask yourself that if you are struggling with something...what amidst all this despair is it that you truly want from life? It seems to me (and I think this applies to ALL persons not just abused) is someone with whom you can empathize...someone you can trust (something especially crucial for us as abused persons who many times were taken advantage of by those whom we trusted). Anyway, it's just a thought. Think about it, and to those struggling with some form of addiction, good luck with everything and hang in there...you've been through so much and survived thus far, don't give up now. Later.


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#3487 - 09/01/02 06:20 PM Re: coming to grips with addiction
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
Quote:
One thing I've realized though is that many times, these aren't genuine bonds. They can be very superficial, and in the case of the abused, what we are sometimes looking for is other people in our exact spots...i.e. abused persons who are our age with our personalities and similar problems.
abcd
Yes, I think that's about right, we're looking for people just like us, alter ego's.
We look into the mirror in the morning and hate what we see, so we look elsewhere for the same thing, why ? because it's all we know I guess.

it's not until we get help and start to drag ourselves up towards recovery that we discover there are people out there who are good, normal decent people. And we're amazed that they want to help us, we fail to understand their motives for a while. But once we do begin to deal with these poeple we become closer to their ideals, we climb out of our pits of self loathing and join them.

It's the same for drink and drugs, once we see the reasons to escape that way of life and see that substance abuse is nothing more than a reflection of our self pity and loathing we gain the first steps in getting out of it.

Sometimes we must be hard and ditch our old "friends" because they just trap us in the past.
We're moving on, and they can either join us or stay stagnant.

lloydy

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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#3488 - 09/03/02 12:22 PM Re: coming to grips with addiction
Muldoon Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/30/02
Posts: 1428
Loc: St Paul MN
Lioydy
Quote:
It's the same for drink and drugs, once we see the reasons to escape that way of life and see that substance abuse is nothing more than a reflection of our self pity and loathing we gain the first steps in getting out of it.

What great words .I am at that place in my life today. The last 34 years of my have been deep into substance abuse as I hide in the silence. It is only now that I have began to deal with it.
ABCD The spiral That you speak of is one I have been on just before I ended the Silence. Now on this side of the world I am able to look at thing in an very objective way . Muldoon

_________________________
Teach the Children to Never Hide in the Silence

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