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#348515 - 12/19/10 01:18 PM Re: Is it just me? [Re: westchesterguy]
Ever-fixed Mark Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/02/10
Posts: 729
Loc: United States
I learned something about how one becomes an activist. An activist is someone who simply says "Enough".

I share and add to your belief - that Ignorance and misinformation are the roots of all prejudice.

-efm

_________________________

Everybody here's got a story to tell
Everybody's been through their own hell
There's nothing too special about getting hurt
Getting over it, that takes the work

- "Duck and Cover" by Glen Phillips

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#348517 - 12/19/10 01:31 PM Re: Is it just me? [Re: Ever-fixed Mark]
WalkingSouth Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16264
Originally Posted By: Ever-fixed Mark
If you don't feel safe because of something you see on MS, please share that feeling with a moderator.


Someone used this option just this morning regarding a posting that was less than kind toward the LGBT community in general, and the topic was removed. The best way to accomplish it is to use the "notify" button on the specific post you find problematic. Thanks for being willing to raise this issue.

_________________________
“Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘Holy ____…! What a ride!’” ~Hunter S. Thompson

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#348518 - 12/19/10 01:46 PM Re: Is it just me? [Re: Ever-fixed Mark]
Geeders Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/03/08
Posts: 1901
Loc: Peterborough, Ontario, Canada
Gentlemen:

I would like to compliment you all on the way this thread has evolved. There was great potential here for going wildly off, with any number of people feeling attacked for who they are. Instead, you calmly looked at all the possible permutations of why you were feeling one way or another, and you included the possibility of being triggered. This is not easy to do when you are feeling that your very essence, your soul is being challenged, invalidated, or vilified. Yet you did include the possibility of being triggered, and then looked at ways about how best to deal with it. Well done!

At the same time, I will say that MS tries to go to great lengths to ensure that all members feel safe, validated, and above all valued. We value and embrace diversity and equality. If you feel at any time that you are being attacked, judged, or otherwise put down as a result of your sexuality, please get in touch with a Mod. We will examine the situation in each and every case, and where indicated take steps to ensure the site remains a discrimination and hate free site.

Jim

_________________________
My name is Jim
WoR Mysthaven 2008, Level 2 WoR Alta 2009, Kirkridge 2010, 2011, Oprah 200 men

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#348541 - 12/19/10 09:28 PM Re: Is it just me? [Re: Geeders]
blaidd Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/01/00
Posts: 240
Loc: Australia
I understand what the MS mission statement says, so I just want to clarify that in no way was I saying that MS as an organisation sanctions homophobia. Nor was I implying that any one individual was being overtly homophobic or that I have felt personally attacked.

Regardless of whether I feel triggered, what I have learnt from making my original post, is that I am not alone in feeling this tension.

I guess one just has to accept that this tension goes with the territory and nature of the healing journey for survivors and as individuals we need to remain focused on our own paths.


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#348560 - 12/20/10 02:13 AM Re: Is it just me? [Re: blaidd]
diamondheart Offline
Member

Registered: 02/25/01
Posts: 157
Loc: Michigan
I am not sure if we have to accept it? We have a voice and I think it is powerful and wonderful that you are using it!

Sure in any situation on here getting triggered can be part of it, but you still can get triggered over something very valid and real. It is what you do with the trigger that is the key...

Which Blaidd, you voiced it with care and bravery! I am proud of you. You certaintly are not alone...

I think many of us gay brothers have been through a lot when it comes to being discriminated against or put down for being gay. So it leaves you very cautious. Personally I have felt hesitations posting certain things on here, even in the gay section.

True I get triggered, but I still think sometimes there is an underlining theme of slight homophobia... and I think it is okay to voice it when you see it!

Thanks WalkingSouth and Geeders for your comments as well...

I recently posted to the GBT section here something about spirituality and being gay. There is no way I would have felt safe posting that in the spirituality forum!

The GBT section gives me a level of safety I need sometimes. Thanks.

_________________________
I am a gay guy just trying to find my way...

http://itismytimetoshine.wordpress.com

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#348593 - 12/20/10 11:13 AM Re: Is it just me? [Re: diamondheart]
westchesterguy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/13/09
Posts: 421
Loc: Westchester County NY
Originally Posted By: diamondheart
...The GBT section gives me a level of safety...


this is more a general question diamondheart, not directly pointed at you. i understand physical "safety." and in my case as already stated, i cannot be gay and also keep my current job. so physical safety to me is silence, followed by some level of job security.

so, what is unsafe about posting comments, here of all places firstly, and coupled with the fact that no one knows who you are? what safety are we after here? emotional safety? protecting some gay brand image kind of safety? just overall avoidance of controversy?

if we can't just be upfront on all things, without holding back, can we still experience the full recovery process?

_________________________
Jeff

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#348599 - 12/20/10 02:00 PM Re: Is it just me? [Re: westchesterguy]
diamondheart Offline
Member

Registered: 02/25/01
Posts: 157
Loc: Michigan
There is also emotional safety...

I get that we still live in a society where some feel the need to hide who they are because of fears of losing your job. I mean come on look at DADT, how many service members lost their jobs trying to protect their country before it was overturned? 14000

It was my choice to come out in 1995 but it certainly was not easy and I had to deal with a whole different set of issues from it but just like like keeping the abuse a secret being in the closet was not healthy for me.

Not only did I have to deal with my family being cruel, but also the outside world... It is one thing that I have realized lately, how much I had internalized other peoples hate. It all left me feeling worthless. It wasn't just the gay issue, I should point out...

I am not questioning your reasons for staying in the closet, it is your journey, not mine... Personally I am proud to be gay, I wish it were a little bit easier but still I like who I am...

I wish others like you wouldn't have to question my recovery but for what ever reason it happens. I realize it is nothing personal but still it bothers me.

For the most part I am upfront of things on here, sure there are things I leave for therapy but that to me is boundaries. With being upfront it comes with a whole different set of fears and insecurities as well, so does fearing if someone at work finds out that your gay!

I don't want to push you but one could say you aren't being completely upfront either in life? I mean you are still in the closet. Imagine if someone questioned that? How would that make you feel? You have a level of emotional safety being physically in the closet! Personally I can understand why some people stay in the closet, life is tough. I don't hold it against anyone! I wish we lived in society that everyone could be who they are without getting attacked or discriminated against...

Back to the feeling unsafe with posting comments... Even being out of the closet, there are times you can feel unsafe... Recovery is tough enough, let alone having fears that someone will discriminate against you or say something mean... I am not saying that everyone is like that, but there are others who do feel those things. It is like two gay guys going to a straight bar. Personally I would not feel comfortable, I would fear I would get yelled at or worse beat up... So I stay out of those establishments. Even though the internet isnt a physical setting, it doesn't mean it doesn't come with the same set of fears! If you are use to others telling you how they feel, you stay away from confrontation.

Plus as a survivor I think it is comman to lose your voice, especially as a gay survivor. So some of my gay brothers probably feel like they don't have a voice.

I force myself to post in the regular male survivor section on here, but I am hesitant. Not only does posting my ut most feelings on the here leave me vulnerable but I worry someone might say something negative. But I am at the point where I am not going to hide my light because of other peoples insecurities.

To me there is comfort and safty in numbers. So that is why I stick to the LGBT community, they know my struggle and we can protect each other. Same goes for the GBT forum on here, it brings a level of safty that I sometimes need for my recovery...

_________________________
I am a gay guy just trying to find my way...

http://itismytimetoshine.wordpress.com

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#348604 - 12/20/10 02:32 PM Re: Is it just me? [Re: blaidd]
Avery46 Offline


Registered: 09/23/10
Posts: 1243
Loc: USA
not needed




Edited by Avery46 (12/21/10 09:04 PM)
_________________________
aka DJsport

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#348652 - 12/20/10 09:14 PM Re: Is it just me? [Re: Avery46]
Ever-fixed Mark Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/02/10
Posts: 729
Loc: United States
Can you help me understand what you're describing? Is it that you actually fear all straight people?

This reminds me of the question about how many times you have to actually hit a dog before every move anyone makes towards the dog will make it cower in fear.

-efm

_________________________

Everybody here's got a story to tell
Everybody's been through their own hell
There's nothing too special about getting hurt
Getting over it, that takes the work

- "Duck and Cover" by Glen Phillips

Top
#348655 - 12/20/10 09:49 PM Re: Is it just me? [Re: Ever-fixed Mark]
Avery46 Offline


Registered: 09/23/10
Posts: 1243
Loc: USA
EFM,

My heterophobia was due to being fearful of all women and all str8 men.

You can ask the straight guys here. Several months ago, I was terrified of even being around the straight guys here.

Donnie

I would erase this but it will upset the flow of the spirit within.



Edited by Avery46 (12/21/10 09:04 PM)
_________________________
aka DJsport

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