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#348328 - 12/16/10 06:14 PM How to start a support group for male survivors?
Disappointed Offline


Registered: 08/11/09
Posts: 540
Loc: U.S.A.
I've been reading on one of the forums, the guys talking about the dearth of support groups for men. There seem to be several kinds, and they put up initials and such, and some have a therapist and some don't, and so on and so forth.

Reading the posts over the last year or so, it seems a really helpful thing is for the guys to just have someone else in the same boat to be around and spend time with, people who have been in similar situations and can empathize. As I have been reading, I don't think it has to be a therapy thing, but even just a social night every week or two, would be a help.

Am I correct, guys? And I am asking male survivors, specifically.

Thanks,
D.





Edited by Disappointed (12/16/10 06:17 PM)
Edit Reason: Clarify topic
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#348331 - 12/16/10 07:11 PM Re: How to start a support group for male survivors? [Re: Disappointed]
Avery46 Offline


Registered: 09/23/10
Posts: 1243
Loc: USA
NO.

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aka DJsport

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#348332 - 12/16/10 07:27 PM Re: How to start a support group for male survivors? [Re: Avery46]
Disappointed Offline


Registered: 08/11/09
Posts: 540
Loc: U.S.A.
Well, that's a start.

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#348333 - 12/16/10 07:32 PM Re: How to start a support group for male survivors? [Re: Disappointed]
InsideTheWall Offline


Registered: 01/10/09
Posts: 280
No need to be so harsh Avery. I've found a local group that meets once a week to be helpful.


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#348336 - 12/16/10 07:49 PM Re: How to start a support group for male survivors? [Re: InsideTheWall]
Disappointed Offline


Registered: 08/11/09
Posts: 540
Loc: U.S.A.
Inside the Wall,

What do you all do? How long do you meet? What kind of ground rules do you have?

Oh - also - how do you get the word out? Tell therapists in the area? Tell maybe rape crisis centers?

Thanks,

D.



Edited by Disappointed (12/16/10 07:50 PM)
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#348337 - 12/16/10 07:57 PM Re: How to start a support group for male survivors? [Re: Disappointed]
InsideTheWall Offline


Registered: 01/10/09
Posts: 280
I'm the most recent member, and have never organized anything like this. If you're seriously interested, PM me and I'll see about putting you in touch with someone with more experience. But even he has had great difficulties in this area.

We meet for one hour every week and read from SIA texts and talk about how it relates to our own lives. Frankly, we struggle to find people willing to come. I haven't yet seen the group exceed four people.


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#348345 - 12/16/10 09:37 PM Re: How to start a support group for male survivors? [Re: Disappointed]
SunnyGirl Offline


Registered: 07/13/10
Posts: 79
Have you read this thread going on in the Male Survivors forum: http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showthreaded&Number=345723 ?

I looked at the SIA website (http://www.siawso.org) and it provides some discussion of how the meetings are supposed to be run and also has some meetings listed (in person and phone meetings -- some men only and some that allow supporters, i.e. "pro-survivors").

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"When one door of happiness closes, another opens, but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has been opened for us." - H. Keller

"Change & growth take place when a person has risked himself & dares to become involved w/ experimenting w/ his own life." - H. Otto

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#348354 - 12/17/10 08:35 AM Re: How to start a support group for male survivors? [Re: SunnyGirl]
1227ms Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/01/10
Posts: 98
Loc: PA
I don't have any experience with the benefits of a group yet but have been trying to find one to join. I feel for me it would be very beneficial to talk with, and listen to people who understand some of the feelings. It is hard to explain some of the stuff that goes along with CSA to someone who has never experienced the intensity of the feelings and pain. There seem to be no groups in my area. At least none I have found yet. I will keep looking. I guess whether a group is helpful would depend a lot on each persons journey and their place in that journey. If anyone hears of a group in south central PA open to new members please let me know!

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#348360 - 12/17/10 09:18 AM Re: How to start a support group for male survivors? [Re: 1227ms]
Castle Offline


Registered: 10/03/09
Posts: 727
Loc: NJ
I Have done group (peer to peer) and individual meetings....they are very importatnt at the right time...but must be safe.

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#348367 - 12/17/10 11:21 AM Re: How to start a support group for male survivors? [Re: InsideTheWall]
Avery46 Offline


Registered: 09/23/10
Posts: 1243
Loc: USA
Originally Posted By: InsideTheWall
No need to be so harsh Avery.


ITW,

Interesting you think I was being harsh. NOT my intent at all. I answered within my own comfort level and as simply as I felt the question called for. I too am a survivor who is growing and answering question according to my own comfort. I am very kind but simple to which I find is helpful at times and within my own capabilities.

Originally Posted By: Disappointed
Am I correct, guys?


This seems like a YES/NO question to me. I did NOT see a need to answer with more detail at the time it was asked. NO emotions or harshness intended.

Originally Posted By: Disappointed
Well, that's a start.


I will stay out of the F&F if survivors are going to be interpreting other survivors responses along with F&F members.

I believe in being calm and inquiring NOT subjective.

NO harm or harshness meant ever.

Donnie

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aka DJsport

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#348375 - 12/17/10 12:45 PM Re: How to start a support group for male survivors? [Re: SunnyGirl]
Disappointed Offline


Registered: 08/11/09
Posts: 540
Loc: U.S.A.
Sunny Girl,

That is a good site. Thank you for that.

Their meetings seem to be very structured, and have good boundaries.

Thanks,
D.

P.S. Dear Castle, what is "peer to peer" versus "individual" meetings? Are there only two people at individual meetings?
Thanks.



Edited by Disappointed (12/17/10 12:47 PM)
Edit Reason: Added post script.
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#348578 - 12/20/10 09:08 AM Re: How to start a support group for male survivors? [Re: Avery46]
sugarbaby Offline


Registered: 08/17/08
Posts: 329
Quote:
Frankly, we struggle to find people willing to come. I haven't yet seen the group exceed four people.


I think that is a shame. People need to TALK about this IMHO.
A women can't go to a public ladies room without seeing flyers about abuse - men have no dialog for this.

There should be dialog - there should be openness - there should be groups - there should be avenues for men to follow to disclose and heal.

I don't know how to start one - but I'm with the OP. It should be done. Even if 1 person shows up, keep on talking.


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#348583 - 12/20/10 09:54 AM Re: How to start a support group for male survivors? [Re: sugarbaby]
Castle Offline


Registered: 10/03/09
Posts: 727
Loc: NJ
Disappointed....I'm trying to figure out your motives here, but will go in that they are genuine.

Group support comes in 2 main forms....therapist led v "peer to peer"...In this regard one would hope you have more than 2 members, but there is no trained facilitator, in a peer to peer group.

Individual meetings...are just that...me and a survivor hanging out...sometimes we talk some abuse and the effects...sometimes we don't....It's more leading to a friendship as well as support.

Further, in a group dynamic you sorta want different types of people....they don't necessarily have to be a "friendship" type relationsip (although it is possible)...but more so your looking for a safe place to talk about a variety of issues and from multiple viewpoints.

A T led "group" is something more structured...but I dont really have any experience with these...and probably wont in the future.

In all of this the goal is to speak more freely and process what we are going through...through good support...and be in a safe place to be able to share.....SAFETY of the survivor is the most important thing...if its not "right" for the survivor...its just not right and you shouldnt go.( maybe not the right time, right survivors, type).



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#348587 - 12/20/10 10:33 AM Re: How to start a support group for male survivors? [Re: Castle]
michael Joseph Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/11/01
Posts: 2719
Loc: Virginia
Vital Cycles is peer generated and they have put together printable material and have retreats to help others start meetings, so there are some peer groups that provide some training. There material is well thought out. If anying you can print out what they have and use what u can.

They have been helpful to me.

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Standing together is so much better than hiding in the dark.
***I am a three time WoR Retreat Alumni***
The Round Table, Men's CSA Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

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#348874 - 12/22/10 09:50 PM Re: How to start a support group for male survivors? [Re: michael Joseph]
Disappointed Offline


Registered: 08/11/09
Posts: 540
Loc: U.S.A.
Dear Castle,

My motive is simple: I've discovered there are men hurting because they were harmed when they were defenseless children. I would like to help, and as far as I can determine, the silence and isolation seems to fossilize the problem.

And if all I had to do was provide a place to meet and show up, then I could help.

I am concerned about having no control over who shows up. Have to think about it....

D.

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Female.

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#348905 - 12/23/10 08:07 AM Re: How to start a support group for male survivors? [Re: Disappointed]
petercorbett Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/27/08
Posts: 2433
Loc: TEXAS
Hi, my brothers,

Well here in Texas there is one group registered and that is in Houston.

But, for me a 1 on 1 with another of my brothers in healing works wonders. We spend the weekend together and work on some of our issues. Plus we go out to eat & just enjoy each others company. And i get to go into civilisation(sp)? It is an 500 mile trip and being that i am retired it is a great way to spend the weekend out.

I was into a mixed group (males & females), and i will never do a mixed sex group again.

Heal well my brothers heal well.

Pete..Irishmoose.

_________________________
Working Boys' Home 10-14 yrs old, grades 5-8. 1949-1953
____________________________________________________________
A very humble alumni of the WOR Dahlonega, GA.
May 15-17 2009, Alta, Sep. 2009. Sequoia, 2010.
Hope Springs, 2010.


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#348923 - 12/23/10 02:03 PM Re: How to start a support group for male survivors? [Re: Disappointed]
Castle Offline


Registered: 10/03/09
Posts: 727
Loc: NJ
D...I still dont get your motivation...from what i know about you...you are a friend of a survivor whom only talks to you via the web...let alone a trained facilitator to host a group.
I would never just goto some house/business to a group of a random person....safety and connection is key and cant be forced.
there are several organizations you could goto to help..or if the field really interests you..I would suggest you further your education to be effective as a trained facilitator or counselor.
I'm a legal videographer by trade..i have sat through thousands of depositions...i could take one..and pretty well too...but im not a lawyer or play one on tv....I dont think counsel would enjoy if i just opened up shop to provide legal advise about divorce based on information i found on a divorce message board.
If your motive is really pure...and geared twords helping men...look through the resourse page and contact a professional group and go about things the proper way.

Edited to add some other suggstions...order some books for your local abuse center geared twords men...make a donation to MS and sposon somebody for a WOR...ect ect ect.



Edited by Castle (12/23/10 03:50 PM)
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#349668 - 01/03/11 03:47 PM Re: How to start a support group for male survivors? [Re: Castle]
sugarbaby Offline


Registered: 08/17/08
Posts: 329
Castle - I don't understand, why wouldn't the motives be pure?


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#355262 - 03/01/11 03:22 PM Re: How to start a support group for male survivors? [Re: sugarbaby]
LandOfShadow Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/11/07
Posts: 684
Loc: Minneapolis, Minnesota USA
Castle,
Interesting thread for sure. The problem is there are usually no professionally lead groups by therapists, "trained facilitors" (unclear exactly what this means to me) or "counselor" (is a minister a counselor? ). They are often financially out of reach.

It's not a light undertaking at all, but people have done it for sure as peers and helped a lot. There are people who can advise you. You can start slowly and progress. A "no cross talk" rule for example creates a lot of safety/avoids risks. Simply hearing and being heard is worth a lot.

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Liberté

And by the power of a single word I can begin my life again, I was born to know you, to name you
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