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#348240 - 12/15/10 09:35 PM if your not....
looking2heal Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/15/10
Posts: 100
Loc: pa
if your not a guy then you should let ppl know that....not let everyone keep thinking that you are

_________________________
taking the steps to healing inside

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#348244 - 12/15/10 09:57 PM Re: if your not.... [Re: looking2heal]
Tyler845 Offline


Registered: 11/04/10
Posts: 276
Loc: U.S.A.
Personally I know some females at this site, and it's not easy for them to devulge that information upfront, it makes them feel vulnerable, in the same we have, we sould be understanding of everyone's feelings, not just the males.

_________________________
Most Often, The Child Inside Has Better Access To Execute The Flawless Potential Of Self.

Over-Ride Emotional Conflict With Rational Truths

You Are Freer Than You Think - Paul Berteaux

Come unto Me, all ye that Labor, and are Heavy-ladened. I will give you Rest -Jesus Christ

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#348246 - 12/15/10 10:01 PM Re: if your not.... [Re: Tyler845]
looking2heal Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/15/10
Posts: 100
Loc: pa
the problem isnt women on the site ....i get great help from some....its when they keep letn ppl think they are a guy

_________________________
taking the steps to healing inside

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#348254 - 12/15/10 11:48 PM Re: if your not.... [Re: Tyler845]
Avery46 Offline


Registered: 09/23/10
Posts: 1243
Loc: USA
Originally Posted By: Tyler845
it makes them feel vulnerable,


EVERYONE here is expecting to act truthfully 100%, despite feeling vulnerable.

Females expect us Males to act with 100% honesty, then they need to also. Common sense I think. Without full honesty then there will be only partial healing.

_________________________
aka DJsport

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#348255 - 12/15/10 11:49 PM Re: if your not.... [Re: looking2heal]
diamondheart Offline
Member

Registered: 02/25/01
Posts: 157
Loc: Michigan
there is no excuse for pretending to be a man on this site... this is a site for male survivors. many survivors struggle with trust... and having a safe place to talk about csa is important.

_________________________
I am a gay guy just trying to find my way...

http://itismytimetoshine.wordpress.com

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#348260 - 12/16/10 12:02 AM Re: if your not.... [Re: diamondheart]
Avery46 Offline


Registered: 09/23/10
Posts: 1243
Loc: USA
Are there others here who are women that are NOT disclosing there gender? Why hide? We are here to tell our "truths". If you know of someone who is hiding why are you letting them. This all seems rather unfair and who can we really trust.

I had no idea this was happening. I need to heal and have believing I could trust 100%. I have had to "clean" up my own behaviors of hiding.

This will cause me to stop writing anymore. I have written my darkest secrets and for that I am proud. I have been supported here and love my honest fellow brethren. I know who they are.

Why hide anymore? Why?

_________________________
aka DJsport

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#348290 - 12/16/10 08:30 AM Re: if your not.... [Re: Avery46]
Obi Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/28/09
Posts: 1288
Loc: kansas
some users here are still having issues with exposing their real selves for fear of rejection, harm and abuse. they put up a fake front, wall, whatever you want to call it to protect themselves.

i'm sure a lot of you remember a user here that made up a lot of stories, a life that isn't his. he lied to many of us here. it hurt me. sent me reeling for a bit. caused me to question my trust and faith in others. got so bad that i almost couldn't trust myself....

BUT, i wasn't in that state for very long. i realized that it wasn't me with the issue. i could still trust. i got that from being here on ms. surrounding myself with the love and support i got here amongst you guys...

and as for the guy who made up a whole other life..???....??? well, in all honesty, i also realized that he really needs help. he NEEDS to be here on ms. he needs to be around others that have been abused as well because his abuse issues are what caused the smokescreen to begin with... i'd welcome him back with open arms and forgive him....

let's remember folks that trust is a hard thing for us, including the women here, please allow them the time to get to trust us as we would need the time to trust them.....

todd

_________________________
live another day. climb a little higher.

my story

my vlog

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#348294 - 12/16/10 08:54 AM Re: if your not.... [Re: Obi]
earlybird Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/17/10
Posts: 1007
Loc: WA USA
It is important for women to disclose and it is part of our responsibility as men here on MS to help them feel safe enough to do so.

What I'm more confused about in the background theme in this thread is that I did not realize to qualify to be on MS I must be 100 per cent honest. I'm learning how to disclose my history but I withold tons of information - therefore by obmission I'm being dishonest. So I'm no better than the women who are hiding. The thing is guys, I'm trying - really, really trying - honest.

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Balanced (My goal)

There is symmetry
In self-reflection
Life exemplified
Grace personified

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#348295 - 12/16/10 09:30 AM Re: if your not.... [Re: earlybird]
diamondheart Offline
Member

Registered: 02/25/01
Posts: 157
Loc: Michigan
There is nothing wrong with sharing information about your csa and your recovery at your own pace. To me that isn't being dishonest... Each person tells their story in their own time...

I will say it again, this site is for male surivors and their recovery. Trust is important when it comes to disclosing that...

Safety is also important when it comes to recovery and sharing... Many of us have been betrayed by our own families. Sure I can understand that women too have their own set of trust and safety issues but this site isn't for them. I don't mean to sound cold about it...

Some guys don't feel comfortable talking to another woman about their issues and/or feel safer that in parts of the forum women aren't allowed to respond or post... So to have a woman pretend to be a man, could be seen as another betrayal.

Sure it is important to not take it personal, it is their issue... but that doesn't make it any less difficult to deal with... It is okay to be unhappy with something and voice your concern over it...

_________________________
I am a gay guy just trying to find my way...

http://itismytimetoshine.wordpress.com

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#348374 - 12/17/10 12:43 PM Re: if your not.... [Re: earlybird]
Avery46 Offline


Registered: 09/23/10
Posts: 1243
Loc: USA
Originally Posted By: earlybird
therefore by obmission I'm being dishonest.


Earlybird,

I personally do NOT believe obmitted details which one might not be aware is NOT being dishonest.

Disclosing "basic" information is necessary in building trust. Some like "transgender" individuals may NOT be comfortable saying their gender today but need to here as this is community that is built on trust regarding basic information. Without knowing some imformation I might say something that will upset someone inadvertently.

My patients at the clinic withhold info all the time. In building trust and providing the best interaction - as much info is necessary.

If a person knows they are male or female which is basic information and they withhold his info then they are being dishonest.

Peace,
Donnie

_________________________
aka DJsport

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