Hi all-I just joined this site a few days ago, and after reading so many other stories like mine, I know have the courage to post my own story. Before doing so, I have to say it's amazing that there are so many other guys who've gone through the same abuse, and it's even more amazing the support everyone shows.

My abuse started at age 9 by my grandfather. It was common for him to tuck me into bed, so I didn't expect anything unusual...but the routine back massage turned into a fondling session. It didn't last too long as my grandma was in the other room. But the next morning as my grandma went to church, he continued with more actions and it just got worse.

I appreciate all your time, and if there are any other married guys in the same boat, send me a PM sometime.

You write the tragic report as if it were mundane...simple...common. In fact if its not bringing you into an emotional hell now, it certainly has the potential to.

Yes, I too was married and still have two very young children. I had a career, two grand houses (one in the mountains)..blah blah blah. It was all built while I wore a mask of normalcy. Well, the mask wore thin and I am writing to you in a freezing-cold hovel of an appartment. I can see my kid's school from here, but not my kids. I am the extreme of the continuum of healing...the bad extreme...I'm what happens when a wife does not think she "signed up for this shit."

Two hospitalizations and well over $100,000 in lawyer fees later, here I sit...shivering.

I hope I never see you in my boat. Tread carefully dude.

Hey Robbie-Sorry if my post didn't show enough emotion. I actually have been chatting with some guys on here first and feel like some of that initial emotion was let out then.

Nate you are doing great, no need to clarify for any of us. We all go through this differently, but dealing with it is all that matters. Congrats to you for stepping up for your wife your kids and yourself. Heal well brother. Keith

"i had my first sexual experience with a man"

This is very difficult stuff and I want to just talk about this one small part of it.

I was told at the beginning of my journey that this is false...Abuse is not sex.

I know how we can feel this is our first ecperience..as I felt that way too....but ABUSE IS NOT SEX. It might have been the first instance of abuse that resulted in the body reacting like it should. Was not sex. Many of us get mad at our bodies for "enjoyng" it or betrayed by our bodies for this...you can work through that.

I hope that helps a bit....it was the start of my journey to get through that first bear trap.

H

i got you covered on this one buddy i will send you a pm later on . just no that you are not alone at all what so ever on this . been there done that trying not to do it tomorrow if you no what i mean.

you will find out that this is way more common than you might think so take sone kind of comfort in that . i am also 32 married with 5 kids
ya i no 5 kids whoooo . it is all good though i will pm you when i get a minute


welome

hey man, thanks for the reply. i'll wait to get your PM

That was in no way meant as a slam on you. I was merely commenting at how sad it is that we can report such things in such a manner....that's all.

This is your journey, experience and story... You shouldn't have to explain why you wrote something... There isn't a wrong or right when it comes to your story... We each have different experiences and handle things differenly. Just because something happened for one person, doesn't mean that will be the case for the next.

Talking about CSA is though enough, let alone telling your story...

I think it is great that you are reaching out to others... and felt comfortable enough to share your story here...

Hum I can't explain what I want Robert, and also I dont defend nor I say it is ok for jj78 the way he share is things. I only want us, meaning share light here to MS. Also I am still deeply struggling whit what my dad did to me. I know that you know it was incest also for jj78. I know there a part of me whit him (my dad) I love. There is also still deep in me rage, confusion,fury towards him because he was coward enough to vanish from this life. that is the part I can't and maybe never will or weakly repair maybe also I will be able to repair it I don't know. I know somewere in me i live like a phantom trying to past a barrier to get fully in the real life. It haunt me all the time, because i can't get at him (my dad). I know if he was still alive I would not kill him no, but someting in me tell me I would put the responsability on is shoulder or is head. Yes we did in my therapy try to i think the word is disclosure. I wroght him a letter whit lots of hatred and went on is grave 44 years later. Even whit the letter and still whit rage I read him it. I got furius so bad i think if there were of been someone near, he would of call the police. I know at that time I was dangerus.
I am sorry to tell you this, realy because now I am crying because i am monstrous.

You are alound to judge me and I dearly respect this from you. I know I should forgive my dad in the eyes of are Lord. Eatch Day I pray God to forgive me.