Newest Members
brightheart, Hank2, Severe stammer, Jeff B., Aquarian
12838 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
Bart (43), for the love ofsnoopy (50), livelovelaugh (32), MDD (33), PDonahueFLA (47)
Who's Online
6 registered (KFo84, Judith, Severe stammer, 3 invisible), 10 Guests and 4 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12838 Members
75 Forums
66376 Topics
463818 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Page 2 of 2 < 1 2
Topic Options
#348059 - 12/14/10 07:49 AM Re: Telling family?? [Re: tonyk2010]
une.vie.d.espoir Offline

Registered: 12/06/10
Posts: 143
Loc: Quebec-Canada
Hi Tony

I am Jp I am new here hum about a week ago haha I am also French speaking, but understand pretty well English. I did not want to read the others answers so I could keep up my ideas. I am sorry for the spelling you will have to figure out loll. Oh guys please forgive me in no way it is a mark of disrespect. I love you all.

Here is what I want to share whit you Tony. I understand you 110% in your head and in your heart. In no way it is your fault about how your dad reacts. What I think and I am sure about it is that your dad deep inside him feel real lost and more guilt and shame then you. Not because of what happen to you. Maybe he is even in hate whit himself because he DID NOT PROTECT YOU, or did not know how to protect you. I think it is whit that he is struggling. No you are truly honest whit yourself when you say “not to use it as an excuse but maybe an explanation.” Yes he as a normal reaction your dad and you loves ones. I am very happy that you have a great friend in your life that you can talk whit.

See why I am telling you this Tony and also for other survivors. At 7 years old I got sexually abuse by a man, and from 10 years old to 15 years old I also got sexually abuse by my dad. When I told him to stop at 15 to abuse me he committed suicide, I think it was his way to tell me I don’t want to talk about it or it is the past. I grew up also like the word you said “devastated” all my life. It is only 2 years about I am working on what happen to me as a child and I am 59 years old. I am deeply sorry for what you had to go through in your life. Life was not supposed to go this way for us.

I also want to had, that if you need to talk whit your dad, and I do know it can be real important for you. Trust that whit time maybe lots of time you will be able to rest on the heart of your dad. Maybe one day he will be able to welcome you in his heart.

I hope these few words can help you, If ever you want or need a hear I will try my best to help. I don’t have a guaranty as how I can help. I only can share.

Take care Tony


#348065 - 12/14/10 08:07 AM Re: Telling family?? [Re: une.vie.d.espoir]
tonyk2010 Offline

Registered: 06/03/10
Posts: 27
Loc: Augusta,Georgia, USA
Thanks for sharing with me Jean-Pierre, I also know what it is like to lose a parent to suicide. I lost my mom in 91 and that is what really started my downward spiral. I'm very sorry for what you had to endure and you are exactly right when you say life was not meant to be like this. I am so thankful for people like yourself who are willing to open up and share their story. Bless you and I hope we will get to chat more.

The cry of a man coming out of the darkness allows his child within to see the light..

#348066 - 12/14/10 08:11 AM Re: Telling family?? [Re: une.vie.d.espoir]
Mountainous Buck Offline

Registered: 12/15/09
Posts: 1626
Loc: Minnesota
Very moving posts, JP and Derek-

I almost thought you said your dad went hunting FOR your abuser-Derek.
(I'm reading this on my small IPhone screen smile. )

That is the f@**'ing crux of his for so many of us-our parents failed to protect or defend us-no wonder they are invested in denial-fear of that truth will haunt a person for life-I've witnessed it.

Imagine how your life would have been different if the abisewere not covered up or glossed over: "what happened to you was wrong-it was a violation of who you are-and you are worthy, lovable, and DESERVING of safety and we will ALWAYS be there for you."

Funny, that's the message I get from you guys here at MS-it's what I've been waiting to hear for years.

I'm gonna go cry now

We have to take responsibility for what we're not responsible for.

“It doesn't matter where you've come from,
It matters where you go" Frank Turner

#348116 - 12/14/10 06:38 PM Re: Telling family?? [Re: Mountainous Buck]
tonyk2010 Offline

Registered: 06/03/10
Posts: 27
Loc: Augusta,Georgia, USA
I really try not to have angry feelings toward my parents but it is very hard. When I think back to that little kid, I want to scream out at my parents and say how can you not see what is going on. I also get so angry at myself that I didn't do exactly that..

The cry of a man coming out of the darkness allows his child within to see the light..

Page 2 of 2 < 1 2

Moderator:  ModTeam, TJ jeff 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.