Hi,all my Male Survivors.
I have finally let that BOY crying for help out. Today was my very first meeting with my therapst, the very first time in 55+ years that I have told my SECRET, face to face with another person, it was tough, but not as tough as I thought it would be, so from the very depths of my soul, THANKS for the help getting on my way.
Pete

peter,
i just now caught your thread, been offline a few days. as so many brothers here have already done, i welcome you to a brotherhood like no other. i have shared things here that i could share no where else and have always been safe here. we stand together, bro, never to be alone in the dark again.

Pete,

Congratulations to you on starting your process of healing. You are truly lucky to have found what you need given your circumstances.

Awesome Pete! I am so proud of you. Well, the cat's out of the bag now! I hope this is only the beginning. I'm so glad you took up the courage to go make that appointment and stick with it.

We're here for you man! You rock!

Mike

Hi, well, what can I say? But I TRUSTED you all 5000+, on your kind words, your help in dealing with it. That BOY crying inside TRUSTED the old man to get going on it. I TRUSTED the military medical system to help me, and they have. On my first therapy session that BOY crying inside, came out, HE TRUSTED ME. For the very first time in my life I TRUSTED someone to help me. I TRUST that he understands me.
Pete

Hi, It's the old man that's full of wisdom again. It's a down day for me (whats new)? It's been 24 hours since I TOLD my SECRET to a person face to face (my therapist). So where is my euphoria? I TOLD! Where is the feeling that A great weight has been lifted from my shoulders? Why am I here and now still thinking about it? Why are my guts still wound tight? Why is that BOY inside still crying and this man outside choked up, I TOLD. Where is my relief? If those abusers really knew just what they have done to us, and the price that WE have to pay for their pleasure. I better go.
Pete

Pete,
I felt the same after telling my story. . . or at least trying to tell my story. I felt worse. . . like I just dumped a load on another person that shouldn't have to deal with me. It was very hard to do. . . over several days I felt worse and worse as I sorted through all my thoughts and emotions. It's like I didn't have any control over my emotions (which is something I am not used to). But what you are experiencing is a normal part of the healing process. It feels like a complete let down, because you want to feel better immediatly. . . but unfortunatly it just doesn't work that way. Hang in there buddy! (I too am using the military medical system and my therapist has been wonderful). Hold on tight. The rollercoster ride may get a litte rough. But you can handle it!!!! You've taken one of the most important steps! And I am glad you are here.

Jon

Hi, there 1527, I guess that I promoted you in my last posting, (1627). Well the time has come for me. My wife's birthday (71st) is this coming Tuesday, and I had asked her what she wanted for her birthday and she said ME, I thought that I had hidden my feelings about my suffering with this CSA, I do most of my thinking and crying inside myself in the dark, in bed or in the living room, but she can see the sadness in my eyes and in my responses to her. (short tempered) (yes still alone),and still feeling useless. So now I have to make a very important decision, after all when we got married (35 yrs ago) we were supposed to become one, but she only got 1/2 of me. So I told her that I would give her an answer by Sunday PM, one way or the other, just maybe, maybe this boy inside can come clean, and make another step in his recovery. Any help out there?
Pete

Hi everybody.
Well I trusted this Boy inside to get some understanding to his wife on just why I am what I am. I trusted that she would understand that I was programed by my abusers to become what I am, and just how I have reacted to her in all these years. I trust that she will give me the warmpth and understanding that I seek. I trust as I get deeper and deeper into my self I can be better to her.
Pete

just read your first post, I am sorry for what you have gone through, and wish you luck with your recovery