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#34791 - 04/12/05 06:52 AM Re: Curious*triggers*
LostinPA Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/04/05
Posts: 120
Loc: Lancaster, PA
I'm sorry, but what has this to do with what I posted? Sure, your story sounds harsh, but a boarding school and an orphanage are quite distinct comparisions. Maybe I am angry, maybe I am bitter about it all, but did you ever feel what I did? Every day of my life I wondered when? Everyday of my life I wondered who? Everyday of my life I wondered when? I don't get it? What was so wrong with me that people felt it was okay to do "that" to me? I wws just a scared and lonely boy and still am.

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#34792 - 04/12/05 11:38 PM Re: Curious*triggers*
Brandon61 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 04/06/05
Posts: 28
Lloydy,
You said:
Quote:
So this caused me great problems, I wanted to know "why me". And to find out I had to examine very closely what kind of boy I was as an 11yo, what made me different to the boys that said no and were left alone.
Can you share with us what you found out?


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#34793 - 04/13/05 04:52 PM Re: Curious*triggers*
Brandon61 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 04/06/05
Posts: 28
I've been thinking about the "why me" question. I really had a problem with the "why me, what if I, what if he/she, maybe..." questions from those still extremely angry with a perp. I don't see much benefit to the victim to engage in those questions when it shifts the anger away from the perp. The why me questions direct the anger inward. Instead of directing the anger where it belongs, for the why me questions direct it at ourselves.
One thing Lloydy's post made me realize is that there is a time to ask why. I'm over the anger and want to understand more about my self. Maybe it's ok to ask why at this point.
Thanks for helping me to see that Dave.


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#34794 - 05/03/05 12:20 PM Re: Curious*triggers*
Charlie Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/27/05
Posts: 148



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#34795 - 05/03/05 05:50 PM Re: Curious*triggers*
Larrymat Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 04/29/05
Posts: 27
Loc: St. Louis, MO
Wow, so much of this makes me shiver. I'm batling with trusting my memory right now. And I recognize that my mother did lots to me from when I was really little. When the male boarder moved next door, I was about 9 or 10, I'm now starting to recognize what happened and what he did to me. My first thought is -- did I give off an aura, was there a scent, was I seductive in some way? And maybe what Mom did made me like that. I was a loner, an only child, I remember feeling almost girly at that age; he obviously heard her say again and again, don't hurt him don't be so rough when he got to know us and would roughhouse. Maybe that opened the door for when I was alone with him. Between trying to trust my memory and this feeling, it's very difficult to reconcile all the emotions today. And I also realize now why I spent so much time at theaters and peep shows and made myself available. Was I that way at age 10 too? Just unknowingly. More questions for the therapist. LOL
Larry

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