I just stumbled onto this website from a random Google search.... I saw Oprah's special the other night, and I bawled like a baby the entire time, as everything I had worked so hard to conceal -- constructing a false and fragile sense of reality had come crashing down. I don't know how to explain this. I was sexually assaulted by two twin brothers in our neighborhood multiple times on multiple occasions. Both were in jail for a long time, then one of them got out. I saw him at the local shopping mall about two months ago and I just remember feeling so numb and then being blinded with rage. I literally saw red. And only red. I wanted to kill him, but I didn't (I'm sorry for the strong de>

Hello Hyun-Su. I'm relatively new to the site as well. I'm glad you've came so far. I relate to you speaking on pushing people away. I've had one real g/f since i came out of the abuse, and inevitably, i pushed her away as well. The circumstances for my relationship may be different from yours, but the lesson is very similiar. In the end, I don't believe I trusted her, but showing myself that I was able to be open with someone , made a huge difference in thinking about next time. Relationships are blessings and when we find ourselves in one, we should take it very seriously and be open and honest with our other half, so to speak, in finding legitimate things we can grow on. If theirs nothing, unfortunately, sometimes being alone is where we should be at that moment. I'm thankful for your presence here, I think you'll find this is a very supportive atmosphere and everyone, i know that sounds cliche, but everyone ive spoken with has been remarkable. Supporting in ways that only survivors such as ourselves could give. Reaching out is hard at first, but when you take that first step, you'll be well-recieved and everyone will give you their best. Thanks for sharing your story. God Bless.

Hi Hyun-Sul,

Thank you for your very honest and open introduction. I am very sorry for what you have been through in your life. You are going to find many here you will be able to relate to and offer support.


Daryl

The feelings you are having are very natural... When I first started to deal with my abuse, I had the same kinds of feelings. I couldn't hear my cousins name without going into a angry outburst and repeating over and over that I wanted to kill him...

I thank you for having the courage to not only come to this site and watch the oprah special but also sharing your experience here. I have often felt the same way about them getting the easy way out, and leaving us damaged to pick up the pieces...

I also struggle with anger and letting it control my life. It is hard to overcome...

This website is amazing and has an endless amount of support. So many guys who have been through the same things... It helps me to feel not so alone, especially in a world where I feel like an outcast sometimes.

Not only are there the forums where you can reach out to others and just get some things off your chest, there is also the chat option. This is a good place to connect to others and get the support you need.

Hang in there. I know it is tough...

Hi Tyler,

Just want to share whit you and say thanks from the bottom of my heart.

Reaching out it is hard, you are right. But I am learning that the reward are great.

Jean-Pierre