Thanks Crux and yes we are good friends,

To be frank and upfront I used my Atheist beliefs with just as much force and anger. I did not realize it any more than I did when I used my faith in God, but it was there and spewed out at times. It wasn’t my beliefs or lack of beliefs that were the issue. It was my denial of what I was that was creating a pressure cooker of volcanic strength. It was with the help of Prisoner ID who pushed back on me over an issue I refused to see or agree with. I hated the term “victim” and squirmed every time I heard it.

I WAS NOT A VICTIM.

These words of Prisoner’s haunted me “Earl if you were not a victim at the time of your rape then what were you, a perpetrator?” Gezzz, did I wrestle with that concept. I couldn’t escape the question. There were only three of us in that room and I know I was not the rapist I was the one being raped therefor a victim. I got really angry for the first time. Scared the crap out of me. But also started a process of defusing some of my rage, or better put, allowing me to redirect that anger where it truly belonged – at the two men who raped me.

If people including myself think this site doesn’t work all I know and can say is it has changed my life.

Then to add to all of this three Christians, while I was in the throws with some other Christians who I’d taken issue with, decided that maybe there was hope in reaching this angry bird and started up PM’s with me. Gently nudging me to re-think who I was angry at and why was I so angry. I’m in their debt for it was through their show of Christ like patience and love that I was able to begin to lower my guard and stop swing at every faith based concept put forward.

But I do want to be clear – no change has occurred as far as my Atheist belief. It is as strong as ever.

_________________________
Balanced (My goal)

There is symmetry
In self-reflection
Life exemplified
Grace personified