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#347113 - 12/04/10 11:37 PM Where's a "good" place to start?
simply_support Offline


Registered: 12/04/10
Posts: 1
A very close friend, who is a CSA victim, non-chalantly brought it up during conversation and while I was shocked I did not display a strong reaction for fear of making him feel uncomfortable about it. He was victimized by a male between the ages of 12-14. He didn't tell anyone until he was 23, and he never said who the perpetrator was. I went online to research CSA and now I am concerned that he may need more healing than I had first thought. I know that it is NOT my place to "fix" him but I'll do my damndest to support him any way possible. Any suggestions as where to start? I am concerned for his health, he "seems" to demonstrate anorexia behavior and has very poor self esteem. I don't want to be a savior, that's not my role.


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#347123 - 12/05/10 04:49 AM Re: Where's a "good" place to start? [Re: simply_support]
earlybird Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/17/10
Posts: 1007
Loc: WA USA
Welcome S_S,

Your off to a great start by seeking information, reconzing this as the best way to support your friend. It is good that you grasp trying to “fix him” or be his “savior” is not your role and won’t work. It is his place to fix and save.

My advice, gently encourage him talk and talk and talk. I waited twenty years before I actually told of my assualt. I threw out nibbles of information here and there but never enough, it was to subtal for anyone to catch on. (By design) The fact that this friend trusted you enough to share this with you is amazing and you being here shows his trust in you is well placed. I hope you find the support “you” are going to need if you are going to travel this path (CSA)with your friend. EB

Is he open to suggestions such as this site?

_________________________
Balanced (My goal)

There is symmetry
In self-reflection
Life exemplified
Grace personified

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#347136 - 12/05/10 10:46 AM Re: Where's a "good" place to start? [Re: earlybird]
Disappointed Offline


Registered: 08/11/09
Posts: 540
Loc: U.S.A.
Originally Posted By: earlybird
My advice, gently encourage him talk and talk and talk.


Thank you for this comment. I often wonder what the right thing to do is. Whether asking questions is too much.

Always looking for help on the right approach.

Thank you,
Disappointed

_________________________
Female.

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#347140 - 12/05/10 11:11 AM Re: Where's a "good" place to start? [Re: Disappointed]
earlybird Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/17/10
Posts: 1007
Loc: WA USA
Disappointed,

Every individual is very different in there need or wants as to talking about the sexual assault against them so one must tread extremely careful and be prepared for some shutting down. Patience it the key. Once I began to open up to my wife (in our 20th year together) it took me another eighteen to tell her the whole account. Patience, I believe, is the greatest gift a supporter of a CSA or ASA can give. EB

_________________________
Balanced (My goal)

There is symmetry
In self-reflection
Life exemplified
Grace personified

Top
#347145 - 12/05/10 11:24 AM Re: Where's a "good" place to start? [Re: earlybird]
Disappointed Offline


Registered: 08/11/09
Posts: 540
Loc: U.S.A.
Early Bird!
You've been married 38 years!!!???!!!!

Disappointed!!!!

_________________________
Female.

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#347148 - 12/05/10 11:35 AM Re: Where's a "good" place to start? [Re: Disappointed]
earlybird Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/17/10
Posts: 1007
Loc: WA USA
Yep, thirty eitht years to a remarkable woman. She still takes my breath away when she walks into to room. blush

_________________________
Balanced (My goal)

There is symmetry
In self-reflection
Life exemplified
Grace personified

Top
#347150 - 12/05/10 12:12 PM Re: Where's a "good" place to start? [Re: earlybird]
Disappointed Offline


Registered: 08/11/09
Posts: 540
Loc: U.S.A.
You are a very lucky man!!!!

whistle





Edited by Disappointed (12/19/10 09:03 PM)
_________________________
Female.

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#347153 - 12/05/10 12:56 PM Re: Where's a "good" place to start? [Re: Disappointed]
earlybird Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/17/10
Posts: 1007
Loc: WA USA
Disappointed,

I don’t think anyone should put their lives on eternal hold waiting for a CSA or ASA. Being patient is different than being stagnate. One thing I’ve come to understand by following the friends and family forum is that F&F’s are victims to the abuse as well and suffer from many of the same ills that come from Sexual Assault. Their injuries and need to protect from and heal from SA is every bit as valid. Do what you need to, to heal as each of us are trying to do in our own ways.



Edited by earlybird (12/05/10 12:56 PM)
_________________________
Balanced (My goal)

There is symmetry
In self-reflection
Life exemplified
Grace personified

Top
#347178 - 12/05/10 04:13 PM Re: Where's a "good" place to start? [Re: earlybird]
Disappointed Offline


Registered: 08/11/09
Posts: 540
Loc: U.S.A.
Oh, I was just joking, Early Bird!

But thank you for your kind words of encouragement!

_________________________
Female.

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