its not that sort of lack in yourself. I do this and it seems to me its based on not knowing what is supposed to happen when I do stand up. I have often been thwarted by they other person just continueing to do the same thing even when I stand up for myself and violence is the only Idea I ever come up with. I never act on it but I never think of anything else and no one is willing to fill in the gaps whenever I've asked.
SO its maybe a lack of certainty for how it should play out when you do stand up.
You will do it BTW your posting here and knowing exactly what is bugging you is a long way toward completion of that task the on;ly step left is an actiopn that is met with a firm answer upon which you can act and point back to as reason for youir response.
I thin the job thing requires you to write your requests down in a formal way. You might even go so far as to ask the labor department for help in getting the ergonomic changes. Go to a doctor and complain about your back pain and the reason for it. Tell him how your boss won't make the changes and your back is getting worse.
Your GF? IDK about that I've never been successful with women. There was one who loved me once but I was so damaged and out of touch in my earlyu twenties I didn't seeit until I lost her. I almost died in a fight with her brother and I won! he walked away uninjured. It was ridiculous and I had no clue. I still needed to learn a lot about myself and people. I still do as I'm often perplexed as you are in how to go forward in situations that leave me feeling unfulfilled or in which I am unable to accomplish what I want to. Remember often this is because someone is actively preventing you from succeeding because they noticed you miss social cues and use that to make themse3lves feel powerful.
I wish I had more but I really think you need to go to a doctor ASAP and write something up to turn in on the start of your next shift.
Good Luck brother.
Edited by kidneythis (12/04/10 12:41 PM)
As Mark Twain once quipped, history may not repeat itself, but it does rhyme.