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#346852 - 12/02/10 10:27 AM normal or not so normal?
teebone21 Offline


Registered: 10/31/10
Posts: 187
Loc: Zaandam
confused gotta question. been thinkin about it alot and i know what I think and i know what my shrink thinks but IM stuck in my head and stuck on the issue of well, i guess whats normal and what aint so normal when youre a kid. If you dont know any better and it looks and feels harmless??? what im tryin to say is, it was WRONG that my uncle let me watch him masturbate when i was a kid right?? i mean he didnt do nothing or say nothing hejust did what he did and i watched. at first I guess i w as bugged out, just cuz, but he said no its ok its normal and you can do it 2. i didnt know what the hell was going on but i remember bein amazed? that make me a sick pup or what?? i dunno. but He knew better right?? guess i figured he was like lettin me in on something? guess I thought it was cool. If it was me id never do anything like that but then again I know some guys who did stuff together or whatever when they were younger, just learning you know? maybe I feel different cuz of what happened after. I mean I think if nothin else ever happened I probably wouldnt think so but, Is it abuse? CONFUSED.


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#346853 - 12/02/10 10:29 AM Re: normal or not so normal? [Re: teebone21]
Sobernow Offline


Registered: 05/17/10
Posts: 256
Loc: Oklahoma
TB:

you were young? and your uncle was lots older?
it was NOT OK for him to mb in front of you - it was abusive.

he was setting you up man.


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#346856 - 12/02/10 10:45 AM Re: normal or not so normal? [Re: Sobernow]
kb8715 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/16/10
Posts: 808
Word Bob. He's a fuckin monster Tee. Your not sick Tee....just healing.

_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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#346862 - 12/02/10 11:09 AM Re: normal or not so normal? [Re: kb8715]
teebone21 Offline


Registered: 10/31/10
Posts: 187
Loc: Zaandam
ok well if you guys say so then it must be true. STILL does it make me a sicko cuz I want to just believe it was normal?


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#346863 - 12/02/10 11:12 AM Re: normal or not so normal? [Re: kb8715]
diamondheart Offline
Member

Registered: 02/25/01
Posts: 157
Loc: Michigan
You were a kid, you didn't have a choice in the matter. Children don't even know what sex is and to have an adult subject you something like that, is wrong! You are not a sick pup, you were just a child...

It is natural for the survivor to feel like they were a willing participant but that is what the perp wants because it justifies what they are doing. If they can rationalize the act as something the child likes or want, then it's okay... Well it is not okay!!

Follow what is in your heart. You said it, when you said you would never do that to anyone.

My perp was only a year older and I have heard countless times, that boys will be boys,etc... Well the exploration was not mutual and I wasn't asked, my sexuality was just taken from me. It wasn't two kids exploring...

It is one thing for an adult to explain the birds and the bees, but another thing for them to show it. To me sounds like he was using that as an excuse. It doesn't matter if he never touched you, it was an abuse of power and your sexuality.

Hang in there buddy. Huggs.

_________________________
I am a gay guy just trying to find my way...

http://itismytimetoshine.wordpress.com

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#346865 - 12/02/10 11:23 AM Re: normal or not so normal? [Re: diamondheart]
diamondheart Offline
Member

Registered: 02/25/01
Posts: 157
Loc: Michigan
I don't think you are a sicko for wanting to believe it was normal... I think that is pretty typical because if you think the act is abnormal, then you must be? Well that is not the case, you didn't ask for it...

Plus that is how your Uncle justified the act, making you believe it was natural. It is apart of the control.

I struggle to this day in not letting the abuse determine who I am...

I think it is great you are asking these questions. It is all apart of healing. If you keep things in your head, then they are real.

_________________________
I am a gay guy just trying to find my way...

http://itismytimetoshine.wordpress.com

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#346881 - 12/02/10 01:32 PM Re: normal or not so normal? [Re: diamondheart]
tommyb Offline


Registered: 11/29/10
Posts: 361
Loc: American South
__________


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#346883 - 12/02/10 01:38 PM Re: normal or not so normal? [Re: diamondheart]
nltsaved Offline


Registered: 08/26/08
Posts: 837
Loc: Kc,Mo
if you ever watched my video i state this
doing things , having oral sex with other boys and masturbating and doing these things became MY NORMAL.

this was our normal

not knowing as kids what normal really is or what normal is supost to be like.

the fact of the matter is what is normal anyway?
every one has there own idea of what "NORMAL" is but really what is right and what is wrong is the real ?

it was wrong for some one to do these things to us or show us how to do these things

that have caused a life of hurt and pain and confusion and left us with the mess to clean up .

you are not a sicko you were abused plain and simple .

yes it was wrong in every way just as it would be for you to show some other kid how to do these things.

but you made the CHOICE not to continue on in this perversion and you choose everyday not to live as the abusers lived and continue to live because you no you are not a sicko .

that seperates you from him you choose to live NORMAL in the real sense of Normal not abusing others .

hope this helps

_________________________
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http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=339159#Post339159
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#346922 - 12/02/10 07:05 PM Re: normal or not so normal? [Re: nltsaved]
teebone21 Offline


Registered: 10/31/10
Posts: 187
Loc: Zaandam
thanks bros


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#346973 - 12/03/10 12:06 PM Re: normal or not so normal? [Re: teebone21]
Castle Offline


Registered: 10/03/09
Posts: 723
Loc: NJ
A friend of mine has this saying, that I like.

"Normal is just a setting on the washing machine"

What is "normal"?

Our definitions of things are altered by all this.

_________________________

My posts can self destruct at any time..read them while you can.

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