MY STORY:

MY STORY STARTS WHEN I WAS 4 YEARS OLD, WE LIVED IN A HOUSING PROJECT, IN QUEENS, NEW YORK. I BELIEVE MY MOTHER WAS OUT FOR THE

DAY. MY OLDEST BROTHER, THE OLDEST OF 4 CHILDREN, WAS TOLD, BY MY FATHER, TO TAKE THE GARBAGE OUT TO THE INCINERATOR, AND HE BEGAN AN

ARGUMENT, WHY CANT OLDER BROTHER #2 TAKE OUT THE GARBAGE, SO AS BTH OLDER BROTHERS, AND OUR FATHER, ARGUED, I GRABBED THE TRASH, AND WALKED

OUT UNOBSERVED, AND THREW THE TRASH IN THE INCINERATOR.
IMMEDIATELY, I WAS GRABBED FROM BEHIND, BY A TOTAL STRANGER, WHO RAN DOWN THE UNLIT STAIRS CARRYING ME. HE WAS A TALL BLACK

TEENAGER, AND HE WAS WITH ANOTHER TALL BLACK TEENAGER. BOTH OF THEM WERE EXPOSING THEMSELVES, AND APPARENTLY HAD JUST HAD SEX WITH EACH

OTHER. THE ONE THAT GRABBED ME, PUT ME DOWN AND TOLD ME TO SUCK HIS ORGAN, I PUNCHED HIM IN HIS TESTICLES, AND TRIED TO RUN, BUT WAS QUICKLY

CAUGHT, HE UNZIPPED MY FLY AND EXPOSED MY GENITALS, PULLED OUT A KNIFE AND HELD IT TO MY PENIS, THEN HE STATED, THAT HE DIDN'T KNOW WHY I HIT

HIM, BECAUSE HE ONLY WANTED ME TO DO WHAT I WOULD BE DOING ANYWAY, IN A FEW YEARS. THEN HE SAID IF I DON'T DO EVERYTHING HE SAYS HE WILL CUT

IT OFF, HE WASN'T GOING TO LET ME GROW UP TO MAKE MORE WHITE BASTARDS LIKE MYSELF. THEN HE TOLD ME TO SAY "I AM A HOMO" AND I OBEYED. THEN HE

SAID SAY IT OVER AND OVER AGAIN UNTIL HE SAYS STOP, SO I DID. AS I WAS SAYING IT HE CUT MY PENIS, [NOT OFF, BUT A SCARING CUT], AND I STARTED

TO CRY. THEN HE SAID "STOP CRYING, NO ONE HERE CARES ABOUT YOU WHITEY!" " THEN HE SODOMIZED ME, WHEN HE HAD ENOUGH,HE PULLED IT OUT, AND HIS

ACCOMPLICE, SODOMIZED ME, WHEN HE HAD FINISHED, ASSAILANT #1 HE SAID YOUR NOT FINISHED, AND HE SODOMIZED ME AGAIN, BUT AS I WAS TURNING TO

FINISH, MY FATHER, APPEARED, DID NOTHING TO MY ASSAILANTS, AND SAID LETS GO, AND I SAW ME PUT IT IN MY MOUTH,, THEN MY FATHER SAID TO MY

ASSAILANTS YOU KEEP HIM, AND WALKED AWAY. MY [KNIFE HOLDING] ASSAILANTS, LAUGHED, THEN SAID WE CAN'T KEEP YOU, YOU CAN GO NOW, BUT SNEAK OUT,

AND LOOK FOR US HERE EVERYDAY.

THEN I RAN BACK INTO OUR HOUSE, I RAN TO MY FATHER, AND HE TOLD ME TO GO BACK TO THEM. I TOLD HIM I WANTED TO STAY HERE, AND I TRIED TO TELL

HIM WHAT THEY DID, AND SHOW HIM WHAT THEY DID TO ME WITH THE KNIFE, BUT HE REFUSED TO LISTEN, OR LOOK, OR TREAT THE INJURY, [IT WENT

UNTREATED].

THEN I WENT INTO MY OLDER BROTHERS, WHO INQUIRED WHAT I DID TO GET DAD SO MAD, SO I TOLD THEM, OLDER BROTHER[OB] #2, LAUGHED, OB #1 WANTED ME

TO DEMONSTRATE ON HIM, I REFUSED, WHICH MADE HIM VERY ANGRY, HE OB #1 DID NOT GIVE UP THERE. FOR THE NEXT SEVERAL DAYS HE TRIED TO COERCE ME

INTO COMPLYING, WHEN I KEPT REFUSING, HE TOOK SOMETHING OF MINE, WHEN I ASKED TO HAVE IT BACK, HE DROPPED IT ON THE HARD TILED CEMENT FLOOR,

AND AS I REACHED TO PICK IT UP, HE STEPPED ON MY THUMB AND GROUND IT LIKE PUTTING OUT A CIGARETTE ON THE FLOOR, BREAKING MY NAIL INTO A DOZEN

PIECES. I WENT CRYING TO MY FATHER, AND TOLD HIM WHAT HAPPENED, HE DIDN'T BELIEVE ME, HE SAID IT WAS AN ACCIDENT. AND [NOTHING WAS DONE ABOUT

IT].

THEN A FEW DAYS LATER A MALE NEIGHBOR ACROSS THE HALL, THE FATHER OF TWO BLOND LITTLE GIRLS THAT I COULD PLAY WITH IN SAFETY, TOLD ME I COULD

NO LONGER PLAY WITH HIS DAUGHTERS, BECAUSE I WAS QUEER. [THAT WAS WHILE I WAS 4 YEARS OLD]

THEN WE MOVE FORWARD IN TIME, ABOUT A YEAR AND A HALF, I STARTED FIRST GRADE,[AT FIVE AND A HALF] AT FIRST MY MOTHER MET ME AFTER

SCHOOL, THEN ONE DAY SHE TOLD ME TO WALK HOME WITH MY OLDER BROTHERS, WHO RAPIDLY LEFT ME IN THE DUST, ON THE WAY HOME ALONE I WAS GRABBED BY

MY ASSAILANTS, AND THEY BEGAN SODOMIZING ME EITHER ALONE OR TOGETHER ON AN ALMOST DAILY BASIS.
THEN WHEN I WAS IN THE SECOND GRADE A GIRL FROM SCHOOL, ASKED IF SHE COULD BE MY GIRL FRIEND, AND I TOLD MY MAIN ASSAILANT, AFTER

SEX, HE ASKED WHAT I WAS GOING TO DO, I SAID I LIKE HER AND WANTED TO, AND HE STRIPPED ME, PULLED OUT THE PICTURE OF A NAKED WHITE WOMAN,

WHICH HE FORCED ME TO LOOK AT, AND HE PROCEEDED TO MASTURBATE ME WITH STEEL WOOL, SAID THIS IS HOW IT FEELS TO FUCK A WOMAN, AND KEPT ASKING

IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT, OVER AND OVER AGAIN, AS HE TORTURED ME, I SCREAMED NO OVER AND OVER AGAIN NO,NO, THEN HE SAID OR DO YOU WANT THIS,

SHOWING ME HIS SEX ORGANS, I SAID YES, AND HE SODOMIZED ME AGAIN, THE FOLLOWING DAY, AFTER SCHOOL I WENT TO THE RECTORY AND ASKED TO SPEAKE

TO THE PASTOR, I WAS LED TO A ROOM AND TOLD TO WAIT, AS I WAITED A PRIEST, I HAD NEVER SEEN BEFORE, OR SINCE, WAS LED IN. HE WAS A

OVERWEIGHT, UNSHAVEN, WHITE PRIEST, IN HIS LATE FIFTIES, OR SIXTIES. I ASKED WHO HE WAS, HE SAID YOU WANTED TO TALK TO A PRIEST, I SAID I

WANTED TO TALK TO THE PASTOR, HE TOLD ME I GOT HIM TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT. SO I TOLD HIM WHAT WAS HAPPENING, AFTER LISTENING, HE WANTED ME TO

DEMONSTRATE, AND HE EXPOSED HIMSELF. I REFUSED,THEN HE SAID IF I DO IT TO HIM HE WILL PROTECT ME FROM THEM; I REFUSED AND STARTING CURSING AT

HIM AS MY ASSAILANTS DID AT ME, THE RECEPTIONIST CAME RUNNING IN ASKING WHAT WAS GOING ON, I ANSWERED, HE DENIED IT, AND I WAS LED OUT,

WITHOUT ANY HELP. IT WAS THEN I ACCEPTED MY FATE, UNTIL I COULD DEFEND MYSELF. THE NEXT DAY, HE HAD A YOUNGER BLACK MALE, BUT STILL OLDER

THAN ME, WHO HAD JUST STARTED PUBERTY, RAPE ME ALMOST DAILY. AFTER THE RAPEINGS STARTED, WHEN I WENT HOME, I ASKED MY OB #1 TO PROTECT ME

FROM THEM, HE SAID HE WOULD IF I DID IT TO HIM EVERYDAY, I REFUSED, AND HE REFUSED. THEN I ASKED OB #2 TO HELP ME, HE REFUSED BECAUSE HE WAS

AFRAID THEY WOULD DO IT TO HIM. OB #2 WAS WATCHING ONE DAY AS I WAS GRABBED, AND BROUGHT TO THE BASEMENT AND STOOD A SHORT DISTANCE AWAY,

WATCHING AND SMILING, AS I WAS RAPED. THE ABUSE WENT ON UNTIL I WAS NINE, WHEN WE MOVED.

THEN A NEIGHBORHOOD BULLY, THAT WAS FRIENDS WITH OB #2, TWISTED MY ARM, [IN A STEEL SHED IN THE BACK OF AN ABANDONED SUPERMARKET,

ACROSS THE STREET FROM WHERE WE LIVED] AND MADE ME KISS THE CROTCH OF HIS BLUE JEANS AS HE WAS WEARING THEM, AS MY BROTHER WATCHED.

THEN WHEN I WAS 11, AS I WAS PLAYING IN THE PLAYGROUND WITH SOME FRIENDS, A PUERTO RICAN TEENAGER, THAT LIVED IN THE SAME BUILDING

WHERE I WAS MOLESTED, AND WAS AWARE OF IT, SAW ME, [HE HAD JEANS, WITH THE CROTCH TORN OPEN, AND NO UNDERWEAR ON]AND WHEN I CAME CLOSE, HE HE

ASKED ME FOR SEX, AND EXPOSED HIMSELF TO ME, I REFUSED, SAYING TO HIM, I DON'T DO THAT ANYMORE, AND HE REPLIED, THAT HE WOULD TELL EVERYONE,

I WAS A HOMO, AND USED TO SUCK HIS ORGAN, IF I DIDN'T, BUT IF I DID IT HE WOULDN'T TELL. I RELUCTANTLY AGREED TO MEET HIM EARLY THE NEXT

MORNING, AND DO IT, HE TOLD ME TO WEAR MY BATHING SUIT, AND I DID, WEAR THE BATHING SUIT, AND I DID MEET HIM, AND I LET HIM SODOMIZE ME, [I

GOT MY FIRST ERECTION, AT THAT TIME] THEN AFTER HE FINISHED, HE SAW I HAD AN ERECTION,AND HE ASKED IF I LIKED IT, AND IF I WAS A HOMO, WHEN I

SAID NO, HE GOT ANGRY, AND TOLD ME FROM THEN ON HE WAS GOING TO BE MY MAN, AND WE WERE GOING TO HAVE SEX OVER AND OVER AGAIN EVERY DAY, HE

STARTED MAKING OUT WITH ME, AND HAD ME FEEL HIS GENITALS AS WE KISSED, AND HE TOOK ME TO THE BEACH, AND MADE OUT WITH ME OVER AND OVER AGAIN

ON THE WAY, HE TOOK ME UNDER THE BOARDWALK, STRIPPED ME, AND SODOMIZED ME, AT WHICH TIME I EJACULATED FOR THE FIRST TIME, HE SAW THAT I HAD,

AND TOLD ME THAT WOULDN'T HAVE HAPPENED IF I WASN'T A HOMO, AND HE SODOMIZED ME, AND MADE OUT WITH ME MANY TIMES OVER THE NEXT MONTH, WHEN HE

STOPPED, AND TOLD ME THAT I'M A HOMO NOW, SO FIND MYSELF A NEW MAN AND LIVE LIKE IT.

AFTER THAT, I WAS FROZEN WITH FEAR, WHEN EVER I HAD THE OPPORTUNITY TO TALK TO A GIRL, OR A GIRL TRIED TO TALK TO ME.
THEN AT 13, I WENT TO HIGH SCHOOL, AND GROUPS OF BLACK TEENS, TRIED TO FORCE ME TO HAVE SEX WITH THEM, SO IN HIGH SCHOOL, I WAS ALWAYS

RUNNING, IN FEAR, AND WAS NEVER SEEN WITH A GIRL.

THIS IS THE NIGHTMARE THAT IS MY LIFE, I AM SHY, FRIGID, AND ACT WIERD AS I HAVE BEEN TOLD NUMEROUS TIMES AS I GREW UP.
LATER ON, AFTER MY FATHER DIED, I CONFRONTED THE FATHER OF THE BLOND GIRLS, FIRST, FORCING AN APOLOGY, FROM HIM.
I CONFRONTED THE YOUNG RAPIST, AND TOLD HIM HE WAS THE CHILD MOLESTER, HE WAS, WHILE IN PUBLIC, HE DID NOT DEFEND HIMSELF.
I CONFRONTED THE PUERTO RICAN, AND TOLD HIM HE WAS THE CHILD MOLESTER, HE WAS, WHILE IN PUBLIC, HE HURRIED AWAY WITHOUT DEFENDING HIMSELF.
MANY YEARS LATER, I CONFRONTED MY OB #1, HE CLAIMED HE DIDN'T REMEMBER IT, [BUT HIS EYES SAID OTHERWISE] I TOLD HIM HE WAS A LIAR.A

SHORT TIME LATER HE DIED.
RECENTLY I CONFRONTED OB#2, HE ALSO CLAIMED HE DIDN'T REMEMBER, BUT HE WAS RIGHT WHEN HE SAID THEY WOULD HAVE DONE IT TO HIM ALSO.
IN TRUTH I REALLY DON'T PLACE ANY BLAME ON HIM, BUT IT WOULD BEEN NICE IF HE ADMITTED IT TO ME IN PRIVATE. THE PAIN PERSISTS!!!
HOW THIS COULD HAVE BEEN ALLOWED TO HAPPEN, I DON'T KNOW, OR UNDERSTAND. I COMPLAIN DAILY TO GOD, ASKING HOW AND WHY HE COULD HAVE LET THIS

HAPPEN TO ME, PERHAPS SOMEDAY I WILL GET THE ANSWERS, AND THE RELIEF I NEED.

THANK YOU FOR LISTENING

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