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#346605 - 11/29/10 08:37 PM Feeling so lost, please advise!!
sally123 Offline


Registered: 11/29/10
Posts: 54
Hi, I am new to this site, and have spent time reading and learning, and I thank everyone very much.
I really need some advice, and this is not a topic that I can talk about with anyone.
I have been dating a wonderful man for almost a year. During this year I have struggled with his distant and unexplainable wall that I have felt. He recently revealed that he had been sexually abused. Like others here, this explains a lot. He agreed to go to therapy and is doing great work. I am proud of him. I have been through a lot of therapy myself, and realize that this is not something that I can do for him. I am taking care of myself.
Here is my problem: we can go from feeling like we are totally in love to casual friends within a few days. This is very painful for me. I feel very confused as to how to talk about my feelings and how his abuse affects his ability to connect to me. I wonder if he will ever be able to feel my love or freely give his. We have had a few emotional talks since our initial conversation, but when he distances I really don't know what to do. I try to not take personally, but it is hard. Part of me says just walk away, but I am not ready to do that. I am having a very hard time talking to him, in a way that I have never experienced before in a relationship.


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#346609 - 11/29/10 09:24 PM Re: Feeling so lost, please advise!! [Re: sally123]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6350
Loc: 2 NATO Nations
Originally Posted By: sally123
Part of me says just walk away, but I am not ready to do that.

OK...That takes care of asking you Rob Question #1

Let me ask you this: Have you ordered or obtained any books to educated yourself in a flash. The books in our MS library can save you buckets of time discovering the basics and empower you with expert knowledge (as books tend to do)?

I suggest Mike Lew's book "Victims no Longer" for him (ASAP) and "BrokenBoys - Mending Men," (by Grubman-Black) for YOU. Both are available through this site.

I have never found or heard a therapist in my area of the world whom suggests great books like these. They do SO much good for the survivor and his F&F.



Edited by Robbie Brown (11/29/10 10:03 PM)
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#346610 - 11/29/10 09:52 PM Re: Feeling so lost, please advise!! [Re: Still]
sally123 Offline


Registered: 11/29/10
Posts: 54
Thank you!! I will definitely get them!! I'm trying so hard to find a balance of giving space, and wanting to feel connected.... Very confusing! So thank you so much for your reply!!!


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#346612 - 11/29/10 10:01 PM Re: Feeling so lost, please advise!! [Re: sally123]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6350
Loc: 2 NATO Nations
NP...I hope you stick around here. You will have tons of questions and such that come up. Lots of people here to help.

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