Hi, I am new to this site, and have spent time reading and learning, and I thank everyone very much.
I really need some advice, and this is not a topic that I can talk about with anyone.
I have been dating a wonderful man for almost a year. During this year I have struggled with his distant and unexplainable wall that I have felt. He recently revealed that he had been sexually abused. Like others here, this explains a lot. He agreed to go to therapy and is doing great work. I am proud of him. I have been through a lot of therapy myself, and realize that this is not something that I can do for him. I am taking care of myself.
Here is my problem: we can go from feeling like we are totally in love to casual friends within a few days. This is very painful for me. I feel very confused as to how to talk about my feelings and how his abuse affects his ability to connect to me. I wonder if he will ever be able to feel my love or freely give his. We have had a few emotional talks since our initial conversation, but when he distances I really don't know what to do. I try to not take personally, but it is hard. Part of me says just walk away, but I am not ready to do that. I am having a very hard time talking to him, in a way that I have never experienced before in a relationship.

OK...That takes care of asking you Rob Question #1

Let me ask you this: Have you ordered or obtained any books to educated yourself in a flash. The books in our MS library can save you buckets of time discovering the basics and empower you with expert knowledge (as books tend to do)?

I suggest Mike Lew's book "Victims no Longer" for him (ASAP) and "BrokenBoys - Mending Men," (by Grubman-Black) for YOU. Both are available through this site.

I have never found or heard a therapist in my area of the world whom suggests great books like these. They do SO much good for the survivor and his F&F.

Thank you!! I will definitely get them!! I'm trying so hard to find a balance of giving space, and wanting to feel connected.... Very confusing! So thank you so much for your reply!!!

NP...I hope you stick around here. You will have tons of questions and such that come up. Lots of people here to help.