I'm not sure if this is another one of Zack's "tests" but he left me a few days ago - no argument, just walked out - and is staying with a guy friend. We talked over the phone yesterday and he kept contradicting himself in the conversation, saying that he still loved me and didn't think anyone else would ever understand him as well as I do, in the same breath as remarking that he needed to find a healthier relationship with less conflicts and fewer boundary issues. He also mentioned something about two survivors in a relationship already having two strikes against them or something like that, and although the conversation ended on a positive note, there was no mention of him returning to our home.

I'm just not sure what to do at this point. I don't want to be prematurely hopeless but I truly feel that this is it and we're done as a couple. That being said, I also don't want to be blindly optimistic and believe that this is just a test and if I start dating again or even browse some personal ads, I'll really ruin everything because he intended to come back to me. I hope that made sense. This is certainly not the first time we've separated over boundary issues or whatever, but this time it seems so final. How much breaking up and making up should I have to endure? Any advice from survivors or supporters is appreciated. Thanks.

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ditto on Robbie's comments.

A committment is nice. If there is NO committment then a relationship is tough if NOT impossible. A committment involves communication.

A good boundary is a good boundary. If you need to take a break then take a break. If you need to move on then move on.

I am honored to have you here though.

Donnie

Lavinia,
I disagree with the other posters. I don't know the ages of the other posters, but I don't think it's important to emphasize whether you were married or not. In this day and age, people are often more open to the idea of having a committed relationship without the legal confines of marriage. No one but you and Zack know the extent of your feelings to each other and whatever commitments you made to each other through your actions or words. I wouldn't want to disrespect you and your relationship with Zack by ever implying that his walking out on you is not hurtful and that you face a tough decision. Your presence here on this board shows you have very deep feelings for him. Society needs to come up with another word other than "boyfriend" that applies to a guy you aren't just dating, but live and share a life with -- someone with whom you've planned a future and love as much as other people love their spouses. It's not up to society to judge why others do or don't get married.

Allow yourself and him time to cool down. Maybe with some space, you will gain some clarity on how to react.

If ultimately, given PLENTY of time to contemplate, days, weeks -- whatever it takes, you decide you can't do this anymore, don't hop into another relationship right away. The end of any relationship -- whether married or not -- is a huge change and you need time to come to terms with it and process your emotions. It can take months, if not one or two years, to be in a healthy emotional state to enter into another relationship.

If you decide that you guys can work it out, great and I wish you both the best.

Ultimately, that decision is up to you, but I know it is a tough one and I know how much what he has decided to do hurts - I've been there.

SunnyGirl

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Does absolutely EVERY thread in the F&F section have to turn into an argument over what someone posted, perhaps intending no offense? I'll just leave it at that before I get myself into trouble here.

Everyone who has commented so far has made valid points. Thank you for your feedback, and please try to focus on the original post rather than hijacking the thread to fight amongst yourselves. I'm sorry if this sounds harsh - please understand that I am looking for support and any comments are welcome. I intend to read everyone's responses and I'll use the advice as best suits my situation. None of you know the entire story or truly understand the dynamics of our relationship, but it's good for me to receive different advice based on different people's experiences. So, thanks again and feel free to PM me if this thread does indeed get out of control.

I would suggest That Him walking out on you is more a reflection of where he is.The boundary claim seems to me to be a shifting of the blame for something he did.Leaving you like that is abusive to you and how much you can take is determined by you.I suggest he face up and own up If he really does not want to be with you he at least ought to say so. If he just needs a break then he needs to look at why he runs and is mean about it. He is either afraid to get closer to you or wants out.

try not to be destracted by the sensitivities of the reactions to be found here a lot of what happens here is people learning to see and express themselves as legit often after squelching themselves due to being denied validity.