Newest Members
SammyJG, Rod2112, Mark71, oic, ocean
12884 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
kinghenri (27)
Who's Online
7 registered (Bluedogone, CafeMan, Meloe, 1in6, Carries The Fire, 2 invisible), 27 Guests and 3 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12884 Members
75 Forums
66687 Topics
465984 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Topic Options
#345878 - 11/20/10 11:21 PM The need to confront
kaine Offline

Registered: 10/29/09
Posts: 20
Hello everyone. First of all, I'd like to thank all those who makes this board the safe space it is. You do more good than you know.

First, the background. My partner was abused as a teenager. He's now 24. The first time he told me was two weeks into our relationship. We've been together now for three years.

On occassion he'd suddenly become distant, or introverted. I eventually found out that his abuser still sent him messages, either by text or email. So, he changed his number, email address and such things. It stopped, for over a year now.

A few days ago, my partner was going through his emails (he has several different accounts linked to Thunderbird) and a message popped up from his abuser. Later that night we were making love and he couldn't sustain an erection. I told him it was fine, and he shouldn't feel under any pressure. That was when he told me about the email.

Though very calm with my partner, inwardly I was and still am raging inside. My partner showed me the email, and I assured him that it was right for him to tell me. It was totally innocuous on the face of it. But of course that sense of violation was there.

My partner does not wish to do anything about it, reckoning it probably won't happen again. He wants to ignore it. I can't help but feel that if I go along with that I'm failing to protect him. Simultaneously, if I confront his abuser, which he'd never agree to me doing, I would be deceiving him.

All advice, or just kind words are welcome and appreciated. I'm sure we've all, at times, felt powerless to help the ones we love.


#345922 - 11/21/10 10:41 AM Re: The need to confront [Re: kaine]
Ken Singer, LCSW Offline
Moderator Emeritus

Registered: 08/24/00
Posts: 5781
Loc: Lyons, CO USA
Check out "Disclosure and Confrontation".

Blissfully retired after 35 years treating sexual abuse


Moderator:  ModTeam, peroperic2009 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.