From the time during a bitter divorce between my parents I joined the Boy Scouts in Westwood New Jersey. I had been feeling abandoned and shunned by my mother for some years already which was compounded by the knowledge that I and my sister were both adopted from Canada. My scoutmaster was (I thought a great person). I began to spend time with him after school learning about cars as he was a mechanic. As time passed he took ore and more interest in me and gave me things like smokes and money for the "help" I was giving him. During my first overnight and at a Scout Jamboree, he asked me if I want to sleep in his tent as it was very cold and snowing. I was very cold with no heater in my tent and no friends yet I said yes. This is the first and the worst of about 4 years of sexual assault I endured. Following this there were more than 50 times he assaulted me both at scouting events and while I was "working" with him in is step van which was used as a secure place for him to abuse me and to work on cars at peoples homes while they were at work. During this time I was rebellious and left to fend for myself most of the time as my dad worked long hours in NY. I did drugs and acted out as well as cut school all the time. This abuse stopped at around 16 when I found a wonderful girl and her family and she and I began a relationship. I now know that even though we divorced latter she and her family saved me from the worst thing that has ever happened to me, but the pain and shame were still there. My life progressed to one of criminal thinking and drug abuse witch continued till it all culminated with a federal indictment 5 + years ago. It was then that I took control of my actions and surrendered to the need for change. I have spent the past 5 + years working on my behaviors and am drug and criminal thinking free for that time. The assault is just now being addressed and I have just begun to work on this part of my recovery and have found it is the hardest so far. I look every day to find resources and hope that I am going to make it to the healing part of my recovery. I feel so strongly that I am not the only victim of this person nor am I alone, I just wish there was justice for me and my little boy I have been there with all these years. Hope is so hard to hold on to.