Its been a while since I have been on and I have question. The last week or so I walk [or stumble] around like I am watching a movie of life around me without being an active part of anything. I just float around detached from life. My poor wife has an extra child on her hands when I am like this. I know this is common but how long does it last ? Ive got to pull myself back into reality. I was molested by a female at age 5.

I am glad I am not the only one. I have been like that for years now. Actually, since I entered therapy, nothing has been the same. I sometimes wonder if I should have even addressed this issue of abuse. I had pushed it so far down, that I could have gone on without it bothering me. Of course, my behavior bothered everyone else that I loved, so I really had no choice. I just find that I feel totally disconnected and like I am in another reality and just observing what is going on around me.

This sounds like disassociation, a defense mechanism we used to preserve and protect ourselves from what happened to us. The mechanism keeps working long after our abuse and it takes effort to get back into our bodies, get grounded, and be present.

That this kind of disassociation should come up as you are working through issues with a T makes sense to me. When I feel that way I work to stay in the now, I close my eyes and imagine myself as a tree with roots deep into the ground, strong, wide and safe. Then I work on feeling that sensation in my body and mind. Once I feel that connection to the present then I try and discern what I was feeling, thinking, or reacting to.

I really recommending working with your T on this, as they can help get some perspective and come up with strategies that will work best for you.

-efm

Hey thanks guys. I'm glad to know this is not unusual. I was much more with everything today. It comes and goes and I don't know what triggers it. I wonder if sometimes I have a bad dream and don't remember it. Anyway thank you again. Heal well my Brothers.

I woke up this am and pondered life and realized that the present reality is what is where I am . Not the fat,smelly witch that got me as a child nor the flying monkies nightmare I had. I believe I turned the corner this a.m. . I simply cant live in the "FOG" anylonger. I must stay focused on my present reality . My life is good, I have a great wife and kids, I must remain Dad now not little Mikie. I will think about being the tree, solidly grounded in the present. Thank you again Brothers. Heal well...

Git'in Better

It's called dissociation. It was a defense mechanism when we were little. But it carries on into adult life far longer than it serves any purpose for us. We can learn how to "wake up" that sleepy self. Sometimes it takes a professional T (therapist).

Allen

pufferfish

Ah, yes...the "fog" I know it well.

When I was in my mid-twenties, I had a Dissassociative Fugue that lasted a few months. Apparently, got into my car...drove hundreds of miles away and woke up one day.

Wasn't until a few weeks ago, talked with a friend about that experience. A lot about that time frame was "blank"...I started having dreams and it kind of came together.

Weird fog for a couple of days after, and earlier memories started coming forward. Shared with a friend as well...just totally honest about crap I'd never talked with anyone about before.

Tonight I was listening to Christmas music. First song came on, and I found myself swaying from side to side.. arms extended, hands curled and an interesting tingling sensation in my forearms. Caught myself in that moment; and laughed at the sensation of being an overgrown toddler.

Said to myself, screw being a sensible adult...I'm going to keep this up and enjoy the experience to the end of the song.

In that moment, I felt fully connected to my own core being. In that and this present moment...an awareness, connected experience and sensation I hadn't known in a long long time.

Poking at a scabbed over scar is a harrowing experience. But seems like something is in process of working itself out...like finding me.

Yes. The "Fog" is very common. I had many episodes like that when I was a teenager and my 20s. The disassociated feeling is something that is very common for us. I sort of "snap" out of it by sort of "meditating" and just concentrating on myself and becoming aware of my surroundings. That usually brings me around. Did that sound weird? It's always worked for me.

I can so relate to this. This way of being has always been a part of my life. The "fog", the dissociation. I can remember being in grade school and the parents telling my teachers about me being this way. Yet, I continued to do it because I couldn't help it. It just happened naturally. Who knew at that time that it was related to this CSA stuff?

Although it would probably sound weird to anyone else, I guess we know that our world is a little different. It's just good to know that we share our own world.

Living in a fog, coping, sleepwalking--I have spent too much of my life in this mode. I was abused at age six, so maybe it has something to do with the way we first dealt with abuse--as a child deals with stuff. The child survivor in me created a lot of no go zones, so I think I was entering the fog as a way of not dealing with issues. I now imagine I have to find all those emotional places that I hid from myself. Like you I have to struggle not to slip back into this pattern. Otherwise, I lose myself and become detached, just like you describe. I am new here, but I thought I would reply to this post and the thread that follows because I read it with great interest when I was lurking around on the site reading postings. Thank you for starting this discussion.

Ahh!! The Fog, my constant childhood companion. It has been replaced with "The Sludge" in my brain. I try to work out a problem and my brain will not function properly because there is so much sludge.

Dusty

"Walking in a fog, running from my gifts."

__________

The way i find best to get out of the fog is to try to do something to make me feel strong emotion. Not necessarily bad, for example watching the red sox 2004 world series championship video sure brings up some strong emotions and makes me feel more attached and connected. Feeling numb and disconnected is a terrible PAINFUL thing but i and everyone else here believes in you and is here for you...you will get through this.
God Bless,
Nick
"No retreat...No surrender"

Living in a fog and loosing time is so much a part of my life. Mine has gotten worse, when younger I seem to have had better control of the fugues, I would stay on task and did not seem to do anything to harm myself. Over the past six years, with the memories becoming so much a part of my life, I have been in almost perpetual state of fog, fugues and lost time. I have been detached and separated from myself. I have very low moments and lately since my last fugue and found myself in the hospital, I have been grappling with staying focused, feeling attached and keeping my spirits up. The part of me that felt special and loved by my abuser has been muted. My T believes my last fugue of wandering the streets for hours and getting to the hospital may have been this part coming to terms with how the abuser really treated us and felt about us after visiting our place of abuse several weeks ago. But I am still feeling detached from myself and the parts of me. I try hard to stay here and upbeat. No one who has not been abused seems to understand how we feel. Like was said here, it is a way of life for us--to protect ourselves from the past we live in a fog and detached from ourselves and the world.