Thank you Travis, for sharing your insecurities and confusion, I am honored by your trust.
Abuse\assault is brutal, and the effects, the physical, emotional and psychological on the sufferer are massive.
Todd has a good point, that the teenage years are their own obstacle. The abuse, the assault, is like a meteor on your way to a fire, as a firefighter. It creates a catastrophe while trying to make it through an emergency.
How does one minimize and manage this?
By expressing every thought, every feeling and every shame. This is not inclusive to negative thoughts, because survivors need positive moments to look back and lean on.
Practical application? Keep posting! 37 so far! Excellent! It accomplishes two things. Posting\sharing expresses the emotions and exposes them to reason, both from you and the survivors here.
2) What happened was unavoidable. Abusers\attackers have opportunity and access, and they prey upon those variables. You are NOT responsible for the pain and hurt you feel. You ARE responsible for your recovery.
Feel the support and love given to you by your brothers here, take that into your hurt, and let it sink in. Dwell on the positive feelings of self love and care you are finding here.
3) Reach out to others, support and encourage them, when you are able.
Add to what you know to be safe and reasonable, the "hard evidence", discard the negative feelings, no matter how strong. Go to a Weekend of Recovery... just go.
MaleSurvivor Moderator Emeritus 2012 - 2014