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#345353 - 11/16/10 01:28 AM Your Advice Please!
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6818
Loc: USA
After eating lunch, I parked in a large parking lot before I went in a store. I was listening to some great music and I wanted to finish listening to it.

Soon a white van pulled up along side of my car and parked in front of me. Out popped a little boy, perhaps age 7, of Spanish-American descent. He gave me one of those "knowing" stares, as if to say: "Buddy I know all about it". Then a man of perhaps age 40 popped out of the drivers side. He was rough looking and had yellow teeth with some missing. He had a gold tooth. He was not clean shaven. They both walked into a toy/craft store. About a half hour later they came back and got into the white van. The boy looked gleeful. The man was carrying a very expensive automotive toy in a white box, which he pushed into the seat behind the drivers seat. They drove off. I wrote down the license plate. Later I asked in the store if a man and boy had bought such and such expensive car in there a while ago. The answer was yes.

The question is: Was there foul play going on? Should this activity be reported? If so, to whom?

I remain troubled by what I saw. Am I troubled because of my own troubled childhood, or was something going on here?

Allen

pufferfish


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#345368 - 11/16/10 05:30 AM Re: Your Advice Please! [Re: pufferfish]
diamondheart Offline
Member

Registered: 02/25/01
Posts: 157
Loc: Michigan
Follow your gut, if you think something is suspicious I would call the authorities... you never know, what you do could help a child... I think in cases like that, its better to be safe than sorry.. but thats just me.. huggs

_________________________
I am a gay guy just trying to find my way...

http://itismytimetoshine.wordpress.com

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#345399 - 11/16/10 09:29 AM Re: Your Advice Please! [Re: diamondheart]
catfish86 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/27/09
Posts: 820
Loc: Ohio
At the same time you have to take in the whole of the circumstances. The times I have stated that something was going onm it is more than one thing. That could have been a gift or it could have been a loving father buying something for his kid. There are signs and symptoms, but it usually must be more than one. Did you see inappropriate pats or touches? Was the child doing anything unusual? For me, if I were suspicious I would observe the mans eyes, is he eyeballing his kid and others. Our eyes naturally fixatee on what we find attractive in unguarded moments. From just what you describe, I see nothing.

_________________________
God grant me
The Serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The Courage to change the things I can,
And the Wisdom to know the difference.

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#345404 - 11/16/10 10:05 AM Re: Your Advice Please! [Re: pufferfish]
westchesterguy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/13/09
Posts: 421
Loc: Westchester County NY
Originally Posted By: pufferfish
....He gave me one of those "knowing" stares, as if to say: "Buddy I know all about it".


i wasn't prepared for the conclusion you drew allen... that stare, which happens once in a great while to me, leaves me wondering "hm, what is that boy seeing in me?" he is just attracted somehow? he's seen me before? i remind him of someone? i just present this warm glow?

_________________________
Jeff

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#345429 - 11/16/10 01:13 PM Re: Your Advice Please! [Re: westchesterguy]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6818
Loc: USA
Thanks guys for your input. It helps to clarify my thinking. I think I will try to find a number to call. I won't call police because they don't "do" that kind of thing. Child protective services may be able to tell me who to call. Someone needs to check out the license plate number and that may pull up his name and his stats. I looked at the online pictures of sexual offenders in the zip code but I didn't see anything there.

westchesterguy, that was a very helpful comment you made about the kid's stare. I likewise see that occasionally and I wonder about it. It's probably a "survivor" thing, that is, our reaction to that stare.

catfish and derek I also appreciate your input very much.

Allen

pufferfish




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#345434 - 11/16/10 03:21 PM Re: Your Advice Please! [Re: pufferfish]
kevinkr Offline


Registered: 10/20/10
Posts: 25
I volunteer in security at the world's largest fly-in, EAA. One of the things we are trained to watch for is child safety. We commonly see older males, with a camera discretely pointed towards a child, boys and girls, trying to get "indecent" photos. Now, they even use cell cameras. And, we watch the showers, another perpetrator's fav hangout. When we do find one, we radio in, keep a distance from the perpetraitior, and wait for the sherriff. The man is questioned, his camera/cell inspected and if anything is found, they are arrested. It's a felony. Anyway, being a victim does make me more sensitive to finding these guys, so I get the majority of patrols in child areas. Watch, listen, and you will know if somethings amiss. But evidence is needed before you call the authorities. A "hunch" desn't hold water. I understand though, your concern. Raising my boys I was overprotective, and on many occassions, had to confront adults. (Out of the site of witnesses of course).


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#345471 - 11/16/10 07:33 PM Re: Your Advice Please! [Re: kevinkr]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6818
Loc: USA
kevinkr

It sounds like you hold an important position in protecting children against predators. I appreciate your input.

Part of my question is that, as survivors of childhood sexual abuse, our perception and our "hunch" is often distorted because we tend to read our own past into situations we see. In this case we tend to see too much, or we see what is not really there.

On the other hand survivors can overcompensate in adjusting their perceptions by blinding their eyes in the opposite direction. In other words they simply do not see the obvious. I understand that this is common in parents who are survivors of abuse as children. I believe both of my parents were on the "blindness" side of the question.

Allen

pufferfish


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#345474 - 11/16/10 08:04 PM Re: Your Advice Please! [Re: pufferfish]
kevinkr Offline


Registered: 10/20/10
Posts: 25
Ty, I over compensated for years. I did exactly that, saw things that were not really happening. I don't know if that ever really goes away, the hunches. We just get better at it.

As far as my volunteer efforts, they give us additional training, and ALWAYS we leave the decisions up to the authorities. Also, I always get my boss (a retired cop) to check what I see. I still make errors in judgement.

BUT better to error on the side of safety, than let a perpetrator go. We never call the cops unless we are 100% sure.

This is an interesting subject especially with you men out there who are still raising kids. It isn't easy.

I can't say enough about my years of counseling in my early 30's, and I had to go through maybe 3 counselors before I found the one who I felt I could trust. And,I still see a shrink, for PTSD. I am on SSD now because of that.

I love the exchanging of ideas here. I never stop learning.


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