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#345728 - 11/19/10 05:51 AM Re: uncovering the problem [Re: dark empathy]
jesusfreesya Offline


Registered: 11/13/10
Posts: 27
The way we are looking at things is, he has two problems. The first problem is actually worse then the other one. He does not put his trust in God, therefor he is without spiritual guidance for his other problem. To be disconnected from God one has to solve problems with one's intellect and emotions. The much stronger way to solve problems is with one's spirit. It is like having a big flashlight that shines on a matter clearly illuminating what the problem is and how to solve it. Faith-based programs serve to plug men into God for the first time (of course, this is if they are willing). What men (and women, too, of course)don't realize is, if they put God first, He will put them first and bless them with His wisdom, knowledge, courage and boldness to solve any problem they may have.

Now the counselors at faith-based programs specialize in helping men make this most essential connection. Therefor, like I said, such men will have One of great faithfulness to come alongside them and help them solve their csa. Instead of being clueless where to begin, afraid, nervous etc, men will now have the forces of Heaven behind them. Put all this together and they will now become competent to solve their own problem. Not that they do it alone, but they will be confidant and begin to know where to look for further help. Heal the spirit and the other scars in the recesses of the mind will be healed as well.

The counselors in faith-based programs such as the one we are looking at have all been deeply involved in severe sexual brokenness themselves, while maybe not csa. They have each been through the program and have each gotten degrees in Christian counseling as well as state certification. This makes them uniquely qualified to understand many issues. I'm sure there is not a problem they haven't seen. We feel chances are, and we plan to inquire further, there is at least one counselor on staff who is acquainted with this issue, and if not, know he will pray for guidance to get our chap to the right counselor in time. Like I said though, if this man allows his spirit to be healed, he will be able to participate fully in the process of finding his own answers, including the counselor/s and other sources of help he will require. Though there is a measure of help to be found in a secular therapist, secular therapists do not understand the spiritual. Finding a Christian therapist who specializes in csa would be the preferred way to go. But God is not limited to any one particular counselor or therapist. He will use many sources to reach men who put Him first. In fact, He is the greatest therapist of all! And as I stated in a previous post, He has many other amazing gifts to give men to empower them to chisel away at what the true enemy of their souls meant for their destruction so that in the end they come out victorious, Overcomers!

That being said, I am interested to hear anything one can tell me about their experiences with therapists who specialize in csa. Where did you locate him/her, how often do you go, what is the price tag? It seems the reason men don't get help sooner, if ever, is they don't know where to find it or can't afford it. And most importantly, how effective are the results? Even in the faith-based programs, as I said, men only get out of it what they put into it and their recoveries are incomplete if the programs don't teach the full overcoming power of God. Many churches are like that, too. That is why one must not settle for less. It takes humbling oneself, surrendering fully and claiming God's best to get routed to where the true help is. By doing this, one will get every last answer and be in peace until he gets there. It is a beautiful process..


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#345737 - 11/19/10 08:13 AM Re: uncovering the problem [Re: jesusfreesya]
earlybird Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/17/10
Posts: 1007
Loc: WA USA
Immorality is not saved for the unbelieving
Nor is the falling from grace for the wicked
It is a shared commonality in all humanity
Not even in Jesus are we spared this reality

_________________________
Balanced (My goal)

There is symmetry
In self-reflection
Life exemplified
Grace personified

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#345752 - 11/19/10 10:43 AM Re: uncovering the problem [Re: earlybird]
jesusfreesya Offline


Registered: 11/13/10
Posts: 27
If I understand your comment, yes, that is correct. The Bible teaches that the entire human race is born with a sin nature due to the disobedience of the first man and woman. But God in His great goodness sent a Redeemer and anyone who says yes to this mighty Saviour, Jesus Christ, is saved by grace. Once one is saved it does not mean he will never sin again (old habits die hard), but should he sin while he is learning to live a holy life, he has an Advocate (attorney) who pleads his case day and night before the Father, and with his genuine repentance the sin is canceled- it is tossed as far as the East is from the West! Living this holy life is a process, line upon line precept upon precept of applying God's Word, until the race is won. It takes a lifetime, but the sinner who is saved by grace will gradually gain victory over the areas of his life, while still in this life, that had him bound. As the answers come in one by one at different points in the race, he will notice that he has become victorious over the strongholds that had beset him in that he no longer falls for the wrong messages. Many men start the race, but not all finish it. Who is it that makes it across the finish line? It is the one who keeps going and never looks back. In other words, the one who "chooses" to finish, for we were not created as puppets- we were created with free will, thus nothing ever done to us can hold us back! God Almighty will save us to the end and then we will enter into our just reward- a world where the evils we have known in this life will exist no more. You might say this life is the dress rehearsal for the next. Fairy tale or truth- each one must decide.


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#345754 - 11/19/10 10:58 AM Re: uncovering the problem [Re: jesusfreesya]
earlybird Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/17/10
Posts: 1007
Loc: WA USA
No I'm afraid you did not understand my comment. :-(

_________________________
Balanced (My goal)

There is symmetry
In self-reflection
Life exemplified
Grace personified

Top
#345758 - 11/19/10 11:35 AM Re: uncovering the problem [Re: earlybird]
Ever-fixed Mark Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/02/10
Posts: 729
Loc: United States
Jesusfreesya,

I've read this thread several times and while I appreciate your attempts to learn about sexual abuse and acting out to help this man, I can't help but feel you are talking in code phrases and not saying what you really mean and what you really think.

Your use of "sexual brokenness" to describe this man's plight, your focus on sexual abuse as a potential trigger for "acting out", probably in some sexual way, discussing his family life as "immoral", and your jumping to "God is the answer" and the conclusion of "faith based" live-in programs as the ultimate solution build a very strong picture in my mind.

"Sexual brokenness" is the language that religious ex-gay ministries use to talk about same-sex attraction of any kind, and dark but unspecified references to "immorality" seem to make the upbringing of this man culpable in his situation without explaining how.

This makes me think this man is having some kind of sexual contact with other men, that you suspect he might secretly be gay, and that the "faith-based" programs you are talking about are actually ex-gay programs that will hopefully affirm this man is straight and stop him from having sex with men. I think there is a fear in you that this man may be gay and you are falling into the false narrative put forth by some religious organizations that people who are gay and made so by sexual abuse.

In your communication here so far your disgust and disapproval of this situation comes across very strongly. The judgmental language you use is unloving and unsupportive of this man's situation, whatever it may be.

This man may be gay, he may be straight, he may have been sexually abused, and he may not. Straight men and boys are sexually abused, by both men and women, and are still straight. Gay men and boys are sexually abused by men and women, and they are still gay.

Whatever your beliefs, they are immaterial in this situation. Please listen to this man's pain and his needs and not your own. Please don't push this man into an ex-gay ministry which all reputable psychological organizations state can be deeply harmful to the mental health of those who attend them, and which are wholly ineffective at changing sexual orientation.

Good luck in your efforts to help this man in his situation.

-efm

_________________________

Everybody here's got a story to tell
Everybody's been through their own hell
There's nothing too special about getting hurt
Getting over it, that takes the work

- "Duck and Cover" by Glen Phillips

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#345776 - 11/19/10 02:22 PM Re: uncovering the problem [Re: earlybird]
jesusfreesya Offline


Registered: 11/13/10
Posts: 27
Well earlybird, I hope you will give me more than just a frown. I did my best to reply your post for what I thought you were saying. Hope you will stay in the thread and communicate, but respect your choice either way you go.


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#345780 - 11/19/10 03:13 PM Re: uncovering the problem [Re: jesusfreesya]
earlybird Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/17/10
Posts: 1007
Loc: WA USA
JFY,

Sorry my reply was brief. I need to tread lightly because we are all here with our own needs and agendas and sometimes these needs and agendas can trip up others. I mean you no harm and hope that we can learn from “each” other. I come to F&F forum to learn, understand and for the “shared” insight. If I may be a little blunt it feels to me as if you are here to only advise and “save” us, as you are trying to do with your friend’s husband. This concerns me. I wish you well on your journey here and if you want to talk more about this PM may be the best or here if you feel more comfortable. EB

_________________________
Balanced (My goal)

There is symmetry
In self-reflection
Life exemplified
Grace personified

Top
#345782 - 11/19/10 03:36 PM Re: uncovering the problem [Re: Ever-fixed Mark]
jesusfreesya Offline


Registered: 11/13/10
Posts: 27
Hi efm,
Wow, at the same time that I replied to your post in the other thread, you replied to my post in this one. I gave you a kind complement and you gave me a scathing rebuke. But that's ok. I can see that you gave me your heartfelt opinion of my posts and I don't mind that at all. I always like to hear what someone honestly thinks. I will reply to your concerns fully first chance I get, probably tomorrow, but am out of time for today.


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#345786 - 11/19/10 04:31 PM Re: uncovering the problem [Re: earlybird]
jesusfreesya Offline


Registered: 11/13/10
Posts: 27
earlybird,
Ty. I have started coming to this board for the same reason you do and I would love to be able to learn from you, too. I welcome your honest thoughts that you have expressed here. I believe in being blunt, too. I can not save anyone, but as I have shared, I know One who can and I try to make it very clear that this is what has turned my life around (not a csa survivor, but the enemy of my soul put a doozy of a trap in my life, too)and is a choice. And I am sorry if you see me as an advisor trying to save the man I am trying to help and men here. I simply witness what I have experienced, because I know it has set countless ppl free no matter what the problem. Since the goal here is healing and recovery, I do not keep to myself what I know works. I am comfortable communicating right here, so look forward to hearing from you again.


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#345795 - 11/19/10 05:26 PM Re: uncovering the problem [Re: jesusfreesya]
earlybird Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/17/10
Posts: 1007
Loc: WA USA
JFY,
I appreciate the invite to continue the conversation. It is good that you have a faith that has helped you in your life’s journey. It is also a good and healthy relationship when one feels free to share what has worked for them with others. But in the process of that sharing I believe one needs to also look around at their surroundings. Who is listening in? What are the injuries of the person in which they are conversing? Will my message be heard with an open heart when I use terms like immoral easily and so loosely. Possibly leaving others with the sounds of someone who does not suffer from this same affliction? (My poem’s meaning) I’m not trying to be cruel or offensive only suggesting that you look at us as equals, men who in our “own” way need to find healing without it being suggested that there is only “one way” and a particular group has discovered it therefore invalidating all others and their recovery. I mean this when I say, I’m glad you have found your “….100% depression-free and in perfect peace…” EB

_________________________
Balanced (My goal)

There is symmetry
In self-reflection
Life exemplified
Grace personified

Top
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