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#34472 - 07/03/04 02:54 AM Events leading to my breaking secrecy
EGL Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 06/19/04
Posts: 7821
It’s after midnight now and I can’t sleep (been thinking about “it” too much today), so will write some, which lately I have found to be very therapeutic. Been doing some thinking as to what brought me to break the secrecy of the sexual abuse I endured when I was 12.

I think there are 3 major events that converged within the last couple of months that finally caused me to break the silence of my sexual abuse as a child:

1. The Dog(s)
2. The Boat
3. The Tumor

The Dog(s) – I had a dog as a child (a Chihuahua) named Gidget that I loved very much. I came home from school one day and my mother told me that they had given the dog away. That was about 1968 when I was about 7. Fast forward to 1989 now. My mother’s father died in 1989 and she was quite grieved. So, she got a dog, a little white poodle named Tiny. I hated that dog, even though I was long gone from their house. I think I disliked it so much because they had gotten rid of Gidget when they saw no usefulness for her, yet got Tiny when it served their purpose. Now, to understand where I’m going with this, you need to know that my father beat me with a belt a lot as a child. The kind of beatings where when I couldn’t stand any more, I remember him still hitting me with the belt as I lay crumpled on the floor. But, back to Tiny – my father quickly took up with the dog as though the two of them were Timmy and Lassie. Well, Tiny died a couple of months ago (April 2004) – he was like 105 in people years. My father was unusually upset by this. He had a little “doggie casket” built by a cabinetmaker and buried Tiny in it beside the driveway of their house (quite conspicuous location). When my wife and I went by there soon after the event, he took us out there to the “grave” and was very emotional about it. I was mad as all hell. This man, who never showed an ounce of emotion towards me as a child, was now distraught over this damn dog. It was all I could do to keep my mouth shut. I asked my mother about my father’s unusual despondency over Tiny. She said she thought it odd too. My father’s own mother had died in 1998, and my mother said that he didn’t display nearly any emotion then, certainly not like he was doing over this dog. So, my father literally treated a dog better than his own mother, as well as myself.

The Boat – Memorial Day weekend (May 2004), we (my wife and 2 daughters) went to the lake with my parents to spend the weekend at their lake house. My father and I went out in the boat to set out some trotlines for catfish. Now, to those of you who are uninitiated as to what trotlines are, a brief de>
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Eddie

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#34473 - 07/03/04 06:37 PM Re: Events leading to my breaking secrecy
guy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/30/04
Posts: 236
Loc: nc
eddie,

i too, hid mine for 31 years. only after a breakup with my two year girlfriend did i finally tell her and a therapist of whom i was being treated for an "adjustment disorder". ie.. being depressed, hurt, miserable. etc.

i only told my ex-girlfriend because it was not all her. it was me that withdrew, had sex mainly when intoxicated, closed down, and did not fulfill her emotional needs. this one hurt me bad.

i also had two un-successful marriages and thought i did pretty good in everything but relationships. so it had to be my hidden abuse that keeps on popping up through my actions, acting out, etc..

anyhow, sorry about the dog deal, boat , and tumor. i think we are on the road to healing and may never ever fully be healed. but what the hell, i feel better now knowing that my secret is un-folding.

i also told a church female friend who had been abused pretty severely as a child. i wanted to years ago and finally did. she kind of could tell that i was interested in her story and never betrayed her trust. that was a relief and we are friends now even more.

take care, guy


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#34474 - 07/03/04 06:53 PM Re: Events leading to my breaking secrecy
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
Eddie
Isn't it strange how seemingly unrelated things suddenly come together and make some kind of sense to us, I guess these 'events' just put our lives in perspective and we think to ourselves "f**k it, I'm not taking this any any more !"

I also had a string of events that combined together made me disclose, I don't think I would have without them anyway.

Dave

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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#34475 - 07/04/04 12:25 AM Re: Events leading to my breaking secrecy
outis Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/27/03
Posts: 2260
Loc: Maryland USA
Eddie,

We had a thread recently about how we got started in recovery . For a lot of us something or things led to a time when we had to disclose. I was in a crisis. Our marriage was failing before my eyes and somehow a de>
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"Telemachos, your guest is no discredit to you. I wasted no time in stringing the bow, and I did not miss the mark. My strength is yet unbroken…"—The Odyssey, translated by W.H.D. Rouse

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#34476 - 07/04/04 02:11 AM Re: Events leading to my breaking secrecy
EGL Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 06/19/04
Posts: 7821
Quote:
Originally posted by outis:
We had a thread recently about how we got started in recovery .
Thanks for the link to the previous thread, Joe. I read it all and it really does show that we're a varied lot in what brings us to this turning point in our lives.

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Eddie

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#34477 - 07/05/04 01:18 AM Re: Events leading to my breaking secrecy
Leosha Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/18/03
Posts: 3614
Loc: Right here
I am glad that you were able to break your silence first to someone so important to you. First I 'broke the silence' was on a message board for abuse survivors. The first person in 'real life' was my best friend, who had also trained with the same coach. He was very sympathetic and kind with me, and helped me to share more with him and with other people closer to me. Welcome here, I hope that you find it as helpful to you as I do.

Leosha

_________________________
Avatar photo in memory of my younger brother Makar.

"Human salvation lies in the hands of the creatively maladjusted."~~~Martin Luther King Jr., 1963

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