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#344412 - 11/07/10 11:25 AM Student Protests Comments
prisonerID Offline
Greeter Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/17/08
Posts: 1247
Loc: Oklahoma
The student objects to the verbage of one of the speakers at an anti-rape presentation. He also goes on to make some very good points in reference to male ASA. I thought he did a very good job.

I am beginning to think change might be seeded in our universities right now.

http://www.ndsmcobserver.com/2.2756/must-not-marginalize-male-sexual-abuse-victims-1.255772

Here is an article by a Yale student. Warning: there is one line that may be triggering.

http://www.yaledailynews.com/news/2010/oct/28/lee-dont-forget-about-the-men/



Edited by prisonerID (11/07/10 11:32 AM)
Edit Reason: added a second article link
_________________________
Broad statements often miss their true mark.

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#344463 - 11/08/10 07:50 AM Re: Student Protests Comments [Re: prisonerID]
davidm Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/25/10
Posts: 21
Thank you for these articles, Daryl.

The recognition of the existence of sexism was an enormous step forward for society, but the realization that it is a two-edged sword -- for example, women were denied the fundamental right to vote at the same time men were sent to die by the millions in the trenches of WWI -- has been very slow to dawn. Sexism, whichever direction it is directed, denies the person subjected to it the recognition of his or her full humanity.

For my part, I will never forget being turned away -- six times -- by the Rape Crisis Centre in Calgary in 1986 because I'd committed the high crime of being male. According to the ideology of the time, I could only be an aggressor, and couldn't possibly be a victim of sexual assault as a matter of definition.


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#344464 - 11/08/10 08:18 AM Re: Student Protests Comments [Re: davidm]
prisonerID Offline
Greeter Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/17/08
Posts: 1247
Loc: Oklahoma
David,

I am so sorry for the lack of understanding that you were given. The worst part is that these are professionals who are supposed to assist the hurting and not deepen the wounds.

They were wrong on so many levels including that of simple humanity.

I admire these young adults who are speaking up about men and sexual assaults. we need their voices added to ours for real change to occur.


Daryl

_________________________
Broad statements often miss their true mark.

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#344466 - 11/08/10 09:57 AM Re: Student Protests Comments [Re: prisonerID]
earlybird Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/17/10
Posts: 1007
Loc: WA USA
Thank you Daryl

For bringing this article to MaleSurvivor and to our attention. The article was both uplifting and deeply discouraging. The section where we, as male survivors of rape, were compared as a lesser important segment of the community of rape victims to women, stung.

I know that I’m now sitting on a limb sawing away but even here on MS, ASA’s are pushed into the shadows.

When I went to WOR, which was a profoundly meaningful experience, I was surprised that not once was ASA issues directly addressed. The clear focus was that of “finding my inner child”. I kept waiting for the “find the man that was ripped away from me” portion of the weekend. Never happened. I spoke to one of the leaders of the weekend expressing the feelings of being alone on this issue. How it would have been nice to have connected and spoke, cried, and laughed with another man who had been raped as an adult. This in no way is meant to disparage CSA’s and their issues only to plead to those in charge to recognize that many of us feel marginalized by the very organization that we have turned to for support and assistance. Why? Well for example, I never heard another word about my concerns expressed at WOR. I’ve not read one thing from MS suggesting they are willing to even consider bringing ASA issues to a WOR. Am I bitter about this lack of communication or worse yet non-consideration? No, just deeply discouraged.

_________________________
Balanced (My goal)

There is symmetry
In self-reflection
Life exemplified
Grace personified

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#344475 - 11/08/10 12:22 PM Re: Student Protests Comments [Re: earlybird]
CruxFidelis Offline


Registered: 06/16/10
Posts: 486
Loc: NJ
Welcome back to posting in the adult abuse forum, Earl. Your writing here at MS is always a gift to me.

It is good to see college guys acknowledging the importance of advocacy for ASA victims. College is a very formative time in a lot of peoples' lives and statistics show that it is that time where both young men and young women "solidify" their worldview and form beliefs and thought patterns that will stick with them through their entire lives. It's also a time where men can experience ASA. I think these new developments are very good to see, although there needs to be a more national, widespread form of advocacy.

Earl, I'm sorry you felt like an outsider at the WOR. I have wanted to go to a WOR for awhile and worry that I'll feel like an outsider, both for the ASA and being disabled. I desperately want to find the man who was ripped away with me, that is a hurt that we both share. This forum is a start. Maybe one of these days, we should all register for the same WOR. That way the people leading it would have to face the issue in some way.

_________________________
“If a man wishes to be sure of the road he treads on, he must close his eyes and walk in the dark.”

- Saint John of the Cross

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#344477 - 11/08/10 12:32 PM Re: Student Protests Comments [Re: earlybird]
davidm Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/25/10
Posts: 21
Thank you, Daryl.

And thank you, earlybird, for highlighting an absolutely crucial point.

However, I think it would be more fair to say that -- through decades of truly heroic struggle -- women and CSA survivors of both sexes have made a great deal of progress, while male ASA survivors have a lot of catching up to do.

Unfortunately, equality is not going to be simply handed to us.

It is very true that perhaps the most deeply anchored aspect of sexism -- the traditional "women and children first" mentality -- has barely shifted. The reason for that is the ideological assertion that men are hegemonic wielders of power in our society. There is an element of truth to this, though there is also an element of mythology. Men themselves are generally guilty of clinging to the latter rather than renounce their illusory power. And the cost that men are forced to pay for that illusion -- being deprived of acknowledgement or assistance when we prove not to be unassailably powerful -- is never mentioned.

That final, largely unaddressed aspect of sexism has to be expunged before we all enjoy our full rights as human beings. We victims of ASA have to speak out -- and the fight will be even harder for us than it has been for victims of CSA because we have to battle even greater popular prejudice.

It is comforting to know, however, that others have gone down this path before us.


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#344483 - 11/08/10 02:05 PM Re: Student Protests Comments [Re: davidm]
CruxFidelis Offline


Registered: 06/16/10
Posts: 486
Loc: NJ
"hegemonic wielders of power"

This struck a chord in me. For the most part, men posses a physical strength that women cannot match. I know a "women and children first" mentality has governed much of my life and always saw myself as having the responsibility to be a "provider" and "protector" of those who are vulnerable, particularly my wife and my son. But males can be made vulnerable, not just through the coercion and gradual corruption of CSA but through the violence and horror of ASA too. Two men against one man can be a deadly imbalance of power, and the sick, elderly and disabled are "easy prey" for sexual predators as I found out.

Why is it that before rape and assault happened to me, I never would have even thought it was possible for a man to be raped?

_________________________
“If a man wishes to be sure of the road he treads on, he must close his eyes and walk in the dark.”

- Saint John of the Cross

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#344485 - 11/08/10 02:18 PM Re: Student Protests Comments [Re: CruxFidelis]
davidm Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/25/10
Posts: 21
Peter,

Dead right. I've said so often, "Before it happened to me, it never occurred to me that it could."

I had been raised on these societal myths, and nothing had prepared me for what my instructor did to me.

I think that's one of the reasons I was helpless to defend myself -- unable to do anything but put my hands over my eyes and chant, "No. This is not happening." over and over. And it's also why I responded to the first rape with absolute psychological denial -- which meant I just as vulnerable when he next attacked me again a month later.

Pulling up that last untouched root of sexism will, I can but hope, create an awareness of the possibility of rape that will prevent the devastation of more young men than gender-neutral rape laws alone possibly can.


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#344495 - 11/08/10 04:45 PM Re: Student Protests Comments [Re: davidm]
earlybird Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/17/10
Posts: 1007
Loc: WA USA
Thank you Pete and David, for your comments I always pay close attention to what each and every survivor has to say. It means the world to me to share my thoughts with you and feel that I am heard.

Pete, I would like to add to my earlier post that I would recommend any and all survivors to attend a WoR if the opportunity presents itself. My feelings, like I was on the outside looking in, was begun long before I arrived at WoR. What is so important, in my thoughts, is that ASA was not given room at the table. As a result it did not help me feel part of the main force. As the conversations about the inner child were going on I could look around and see men deeply touched, in tears and in a place of great self-discovery. For me, the concept lays flat and brings no awareness to me. So what I’m hoping is that in time if we keep asking the powers to be, they will recognize there is a growing sub-group, every bit as injured and in need of inclusion, hanging around the edges. (Or at least that is where I’m finding myself). So please don’t let my experience dampen your desire to go to WoR. Only maybe up front express the need for the ASA issues to be allowed a place in the discussions.

_________________________
Balanced (My goal)

There is symmetry
In self-reflection
Life exemplified
Grace personified

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