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#335246 - 07/04/10 04:23 PM I want my life back..
tonyk2010 Offline


Registered: 06/03/10
Posts: 27
Loc: Augusta,Georgia, USA
Wow!! What can i say other than i'm having so many emotions now that i have started this journey,and i wish i could say they have been all good.. One day i'm on top of the world and the next i feel like i could die.. I still struggle with the fact that i'm not some what to blame, even though i was only 7 & 8 at the time and he was an adult..
My life has been a disaster, and i think this has alot to do with my depression.. All i want is to be happy.. I want my damn life back... Why does this feel impossible???

_________________________
The cry of a man coming out of the darkness allows his child within to see the light..

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#335256 - 07/04/10 05:03 PM Re: I want my life back.. [Re: tonyk2010]
petercorbett Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/27/08
Posts: 2435
Loc: TEXAS
Hi, my fraternal brother,

Welcome to MS. Here you will receive, compassion, understanding & love, from your brothers (fraternal) & friends(in pain).

We all have been there, albeit in different ways & ages.
We have been into the depths of our soul & hell too.

We will hear your cries, we will help in your fears & we will share your tears.

Be prepared for the emotional roller coaster ride of your life. You are on your way, my fraternal brother, tonyk2010.

First, my fraternal brother, YOU are not to blame. I was 5 when my "mom" got to me, and my male perp got me soon after.
No matter if we enjoyed it (i did). No matter if it made me feel good (i did). No matter how many times we go back for more (i did). I loved my male perp, i thought that he loved me.

You are on your way to get your life back. You started here.

Yep, depression, anger, shame, worthlessness, etc. One good day & lots of bad ones. Yes, this road to recovery, is a rough one, lots of pain & anger. You are in the right place, at the right time & with the right people.

Hopefully you will find a competent therapist who will help you along.

Heal well, my fraternal brother tonyk2010, heal well.

" I will take that lost boys hand, and i will lead him from the depths of darkness, into the sunshine forever, into eternity."

Pete..Irishmoose.

_________________________
Working Boys' Home 10-14 yrs old, grades 5-8. 1949-1953
____________________________________________________________
A very humble alumni of the WOR Dahlonega, GA.
May 15-17 2009, Alta, Sep. 2009. Sequoia, 2010.
Hope Springs, 2010.


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#335277 - 07/04/10 05:52 PM Re: I want my life back.. [Re: petercorbett]
tonyk2010 Offline


Registered: 06/03/10
Posts: 27
Loc: Augusta,Georgia, USA
Thanks so much for your support.. It is for sure a bumpy ride, but one i know i must take..

_________________________
The cry of a man coming out of the darkness allows his child within to see the light..

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#344119 - 11/04/10 02:52 PM Re: I want my life back.. [Re: tonyk2010]
tonyk2010 Offline


Registered: 06/03/10
Posts: 27
Loc: Augusta,Georgia, USA
When things go bad they seem to go really bad..I have been in a bad place now for the last month.. This is still very new and hard for me and I feel stuck. When i first started dealing with this i really felt some freedom but now I feel so lost. To make things worse my therapist moved away and she was the first person i have ever opened up too and told my story.. Anyway I'm really not even sure of what to say...

_________________________
The cry of a man coming out of the darkness allows his child within to see the light..

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#344120 - 11/04/10 03:11 PM Re: I want my life back.. [Re: tonyk2010]
Avery46 Offline


Registered: 09/23/10
Posts: 1243
Loc: USA
Hi, Tony.

I myself have gone through the worst past of my "recovery" in 3 years. Although I say "worst", it is the most important as well as I am discovering so much about me. The discovery is painful but as the days continue - sometimes one hour or one day at time - I feel more "aware" of my surroundings.

Have you felt more "aware" of what is around you? Would you say you feel more grounded?

Avery

_________________________
aka DJsport

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#344122 - 11/04/10 03:29 PM Re: I want my life back.. [Re: Avery46]
tonyk2010 Offline


Registered: 06/03/10
Posts: 27
Loc: Augusta,Georgia, USA
I do feel more aware at times, but not grounded. Not only am I dealing with this but also I'm bi-polar,suffer with ptsd and I'm an addict. I also was injured on the job and had to have back surgery and have no clue where my future is going. My nightmares are getting worse and I'm really struggling with my addiction. I really don't mean to come off as cry baby, its just some days I really just want to give up. But I'm not this day.
Thanks Avery.

_________________________
The cry of a man coming out of the darkness allows his child within to see the light..

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#344133 - 11/04/10 04:33 PM Re: I want my life back.. [Re: tonyk2010]
kb8715 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/16/10
Posts: 808
Tony you are not a cry baby you are injured. Try the chat room. Many time good instant help is given there! Be well. Keith.

_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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#344135 - 11/04/10 04:47 PM Re: I want my life back.. [Re: kb8715]
tonyk2010 Offline


Registered: 06/03/10
Posts: 27
Loc: Augusta,Georgia, USA
Thanks Keith..

_________________________
The cry of a man coming out of the darkness allows his child within to see the light..

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