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#344017 - 11/03/10 12:43 PM a solid foundation
Avery46 Offline


Registered: 09/23/10
Posts: 1243
Loc: USA
Today, I have a solid foundation to grow on. I have always had a foundation for which I "existed" from.

I have been getting through some powerful experiences with today's events (death of my dad, setting limits on contact with toxic family) integrating them from traumatic childhood experiences.

The one event that as of yesterday - 11-2-2010 - I came to accept was the death of my dad. My dad and I had been estranged for 20 yrs. Longer than that my relationship with him was filled with "distance" that my mom created when I was a boy. I would experience very traumatic abuses including sexual abuse all during my 18 yrs as a child.

Accepting his death came from accepting and believing my dad wants me to live a happy life. My dad protected me from lots of events in my childhood and I finally "saw" that yesterday. This was a huge healing piece for me - to feel and believe my dads love and protection for me.

I have a new lease on life. I have some decisions to make as financially I lived on little income lately as I processed daily living for the last couple of months.

I was in the RT Monday evening where I was taking in the warmth of being with all around me. I was questioning some things but overall I was "taking" in what was happening around me.

My solid foundation is accepting my life as whole and complete that is full of love, joy and lots of meaning.

What is your foundation?

Donnie



Edited by Avery46 (11/03/10 01:26 PM)
Edit Reason: added some history
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aka DJsport

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#344023 - 11/03/10 01:57 PM Re: a solid foundation [Re: Avery46]
kb8715 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/16/10
Posts: 808
I joined MS after sitting and watching my Dad die. He was a good man but he drove me to the home of my abuser (did I really need 1-1 religous ed tutoring @ 11?) So I know the incredible conflict the loss raises. Even as I type this I feel triggered. I'm with you, our Dads want us to heal and be happy. Be well Donnie. Keith

_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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#344056 - 11/04/10 12:50 AM Re: a solid foundation [Re: kb8715]
john38 Offline


Registered: 10/21/10
Posts: 90
Loc: Pasadena CA
I agree,even in the midst of profound conscious and unconscious mental, emotional, physical and sexual abuse, there can still be love. This is not to let my perps off the hook, however, there was some love there. Between years 3-5 of my recovery I journaled several hundred pages about my relationships with my mother and father. Through that process I was able to see that they were both abused growing up, that they didn't know how to show up for their aching child hearts, and therefore it was impossible for them to show up for me emotionally. In effect I came to a place where I was able to give them back their humanity, let them be both wonderful and ugly at the same time. The process revealed that they did care and love to the degree that they could--it wasn't enough at the time, but it was enough I'm able to see now, that I was able to reclaim my life and actualize my dreams. There was good and bad, but there was enough good, that I've been able to learn how to show up for my pain and grief and terror in recovery, and how to give unconditional support to my inner child.

John+

_________________________
Just for today I will treat myself with respect, compassion and acceptance.

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