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#343949 - 11/02/10 02:05 PM Breaking the Cycle- What Cycle?
SamV Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/13/09
Posts: 5942
Loc: Talladega, Alabama, USA
My brothers,

You and I are survivors, and have been apart of each other's recovery for about a year now.

May I offer? I find that when I am the most overwhelmed and terrified, that I am the closest to a "eureka" moment, a discovery that redefines who I am in light of reasoning and capabilities.

Recovery seeks to balance our trauma with the present, where our actions and perceptions do us more harm than good.

Really, in abuse, and in the aftermath, we take negative thoughts, and reinforce them until we are broken.
We take neutral thoughts, and reinforce them until we are negative and loathsome to us.
We take positive thoughts, and reinforce them until they and neutral.

This cycle supports the "inner abuser".

It is time, fellow survivors, for you to speak to you, as you speak in support of others, positively, encouragingly and affectionately.

It is time.

Sam

_________________________
MaleSurvivor Moderator Emeritus 2012 - 2014

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#343969 - 11/02/10 06:55 PM Re: Breaking the Cycle- What Cycle? [Re: SamV]
prisonerID Offline
Greeter Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/17/08
Posts: 1247
Loc: Oklahoma
Sam,

You are right about this - I especially liked what you said about turning neutral things into negative. For years I was caught on the thorns of such small incidental things that became high accusations in the court room I continually threw myself into.

I see so many men do a wonderful job of encouraging and causing others hear to question the "truths" that developed from abuse/assaults. We just need to do a better job of gifting ourselves with that as well.

Very good reminder for each one of us.


Daryl

_________________________
Broad statements often miss their true mark.

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#343985 - 11/02/10 09:31 PM Re: Breaking the Cycle- What Cycle? [Re: prisonerID]
SamV Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/13/09
Posts: 5942
Loc: Talladega, Alabama, USA
We certainly "throw" ourselves before the judge, Daryl.

The "rub" is that the judge.., is our abuser, yeah, screwed up...

No, not the original abuser, he/she/they may have been just greedy and opportunists, or maybe more.., but they are NOT who are judging us now.

So if we can change the abuser physically, what is to stop us mentally in doing so..? We removed ourselves from the abuser once, time to keep "clearing the chamber".

Sam

_________________________
MaleSurvivor Moderator Emeritus 2012 - 2014

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#343996 - 11/02/10 11:54 PM Re: Breaking the Cycle- What Cycle? [Re: SamV]
Dewey Offline
Member

Registered: 11/13/02
Posts: 137
Loc: the sunshine state
You are so right my friend. I must learn how to give myself a break. I'm afraid that at this point I simply do not know how. Any recreation that I attempt is met by the committee in my head saying "Ahem, and just what do you think you are doing"? So I'm faced with the new work task of learning how to live relaxed and at ease. Argh!

_________________________
I refuse to use my past as an excuse to not have a future.
My hero Dad; Trigger warning- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oi3Hyxuf5AE

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#343998 - 11/03/10 12:16 AM Re: Breaking the Cycle- What Cycle? [Re: Dewey]
Avery46 Offline


Registered: 09/23/10
Posts: 1243
Loc: USA
Originally Posted By: Dewey
...met by the committee in my head saying


I love this saying. I can drown out any committee.

My T and I met with the committee today. The committee has disbanded.

lets party!!!!

_________________________
aka DJsport

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#344005 - 11/03/10 06:09 AM Re: Breaking the Cycle- What Cycle? [Re: Avery46]
john38 Offline


Registered: 10/21/10
Posts: 90
Loc: Pasadena CA
Wow, Sam, You have the right of it (not to mention the left and imbetween as well)!

As victims of sexual abuse--our psyches have been colonized by our perps: they've deposited their lies into us about who we are. Until we can show up in a loving, supportive manner for the parts of ourselves that are filled with self-loathing, shame, terror, grief, etc. we stay stuck in victimage. It's through allowing ourselves to feel the aforementioned feelings, and not go through them alone (seeking outside comforting from others & giving comfort to ourselves as well)that we come to discover that we are beings of profound beauty and courage who deserve the best.

John+

_________________________
Just for today I will treat myself with respect, compassion and acceptance.

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#344031 - 11/03/10 03:29 PM Re: Breaking the Cycle- What Cycle? [Re: john38]
john38 Offline


Registered: 10/21/10
Posts: 90
Loc: Pasadena CA
Hi Sam, Daryl, Dewey, and Avery,

I just wanted to let you know that I'm posting a personal narrative in the poetry forum about the topic Sam opened up. It seemed like the right place to post it, even if it isn't poetry. It's called "On the Necessity of Bottoms." Hope y'all can relate!

John+

_________________________
Just for today I will treat myself with respect, compassion and acceptance.

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