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#343931 - 11/02/10 11:34 AM Chat Room
Silly Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/21/10
Posts: 140
Loc: Virginia
Over the past few weeks Iíve been in an extremely depressed state. Iíve had a very hard time communicating this to others because my issues are very complex and I feel very insecure. Recently in the chat room Iíve made a few attempts to talk but the overall atmosphere has become a big problem for me. I donít mind joking around, I am Silly after all, but the humor in the lounge has become very insensitive and crass. Sometimes it is downright rude and has triggered me so I end up leaving when I needed a little support or help. Yes, I know I can speak up when this happens, but it would be better if people would police themselves a little better. Just the other day I saw someone expressing grief over the loss of a pet. I also saw two people in the lounge openly making dog jokes. I was appalled. I fail to understand this. It was so hurtful that I just left. I have twice this week created rooms and tried to muster the nerve to get something thatís hurting me very deeply off my chest. Both times people have entered the room, asked if I was ok and proceeded to talk about themselves or something else or started in with some inane humor. It is not easy for me to express myself and I get trampled in a room that I created? I do not understand this. Iím finding myself wondering why I keep coming backÖthatís what I did when I was kid and look what it got me. Itís very frustrating.

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#343932 - 11/02/10 11:40 AM Re: Chat Room [Re: Silly]
Donald D'Haene Offline
Member

Registered: 04/11/04
Posts: 68
Loc: London
Just sent you a personal message.

_________________________
Donald D'Haene
http://www.fatherstouch.com

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#343934 - 11/02/10 12:11 PM Re: Chat Room [Re: Donald D'Haene]
irishguy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/01/04
Posts: 231
Loc: Dublin, Ireland
Maybe you could try a password protected room and if you have someone specific in mind that you would like to talk to invite just them in, maybe that could work.

_________________________
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#343935 - 11/02/10 12:30 PM Re: Chat Room [Re: irishguy]
kidneythis Offline


Registered: 11/08/09
Posts: 1558
Silly,
I czan't explain how the people you described behaved toward you and around you. That is how people behave sometimes. I stay away from chat because of the immaturity level and because it seems some lurk there just to abuse others implicit trust in them. I'm sorry for you to be still struggling with this aspect of life. The fact is while these things affect you negatively, the normal path of development to deal with these situations is that one becomes assertive when one recognizes the issue arising for them. Even if the assertion is ineffective one will feel better for trying. There is also boundaries, being sympathetic isn't the same as feeling as if it is happening to you. The first is normal the second isn't.
Asserting oneself may look like letting someone know they have just hurt your feelings, telling them what they have said is out of line or insensitive, etc. (I admire that you know that quickly how something affects you)
Being sensitive to every person's personal needs is not something society as a whole can do. It would not be able to function if it tried. That is why we learn to assert ourselves. The penalty for not learning to stand up for oneself is to feel discounted, insecure and hurt quite often. Even when one is not successful after asserting oneself one feels good that one did assert themself.
There is besides the benefit of feeling good almost immediatley when one stands up for oneself or one's belief the fact that you may be teaching another something they are not aware of or didn't even consider might be an effect of their behavior. This too can make you feel good and help someone.
It isn't the success or failure of standing up that has the benefit, it is simply the standing up to be counted that gives the benefit. Success, if it occurs, is just icing.

Otherwise I'm not sure what you might do in these situations.

_________________________
As Mark Twain once quipped, history may not repeat itself, but it does rhyme.

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#343940 - 11/02/10 01:23 PM Re: Chat Room [Re: kidneythis]
nltsaved Offline


Registered: 08/26/08
Posts: 849
Loc: Kc,Mo
my ear is always open i have a good ear even tho i have a lot to say on the board i do have a great ear . my door is always open to anyone here . just fyi and do not let my age fool you for i have been told by many i am very wise for my age , not bragging just putting it out there .

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