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#343749 - 10/31/10 10:05 AM Social Isolation/Total Misery
Cassidy24 Offline


Registered: 10/16/10
Posts: 9
Hello. Just seeking anyone's advice. I am in the very slow process of recovering from incest/sexual abuse and making sense of my life. I speak with a counselor a couple of times a week. This has been an incredibly trying/dramatic time for me. For a while it seemed like I was doing even better in life with my new revelation (that my father is indeed by abuser etc.) firmly in mind. But now, partly because I have been devoting so much of my time/energy to that issue, and partly because I have a mild case of Asperger's (added to my post-traumatic stress disorder, bipolar disorder, etc), I am finding social interaction to be a real struggle. Not only does interacting with others seem to greatly sap my energy, I am dismayed and frustrated at my growing loneliness. Not to mention I live entirely by myself. I am also relatively cut off from my family due to some of the logistics of my crisis. On the one hand, social interaction is stressful for me, but on the other hand, I would really really appreciate a hug. It is Halloween weekend. Not one friend has offered to do a fun activity with me. Not one friend has called, texted, or even emailed to say "Happy Halloween." I am drying up inside due to a lack of physical contact (not sexual - i am through with sex for a while - but just affectionate). Generally the only person I speak with in person, outside of work, is the occasional cashier at a store. I don't know what to do. I am in psychic hell.

Thanks
Cassidy


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#343755 - 10/31/10 11:26 AM Re: Social Isolation/Total Misery [Re: Cassidy24]
Neverquit Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/26/10
Posts: 147
Loc: Ohio
I really wish I had some sound advice to give you because I feel so bad for you. The only thing I can say is that I really relate. I crave connection but if I become "too connected" with someone my ptsd triggers and I shut down completely because my body thinks im about to be abused. The lonliness gets to me sometimes too.

It's really rough wanting something so badly yet having our bodies fight it so violently.

~Grant

p.s. Happy halloween smile

_________________________
There is always hope

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#343757 - 10/31/10 11:34 AM Re: Social Isolation/Total Misery [Re: Neverquit]
prisonerID Offline
Greeter Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/17/08
Posts: 1247
Loc: Oklahoma
Grant,

That last statement was a really good one - "It's really rough wanting something so badly yet having our bodies fight it so violently."

Cassidy,

I am so sorry for your pain right now. I hope you are able to reach out to someone in your life and together find some fun. I know I get upset but also realize I put myself in certain situations where no one is calling me. I prefer that and yet feel lonely. (Not saying you are doing this - just that I do).

Take a chance and contact one of them. The worst thing that can happen is you are still in the same situation you are right now. This is not an easy thing to overcome but little steps can help.


Daryl

_________________________
Broad statements often miss their true mark.

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#343759 - 10/31/10 11:58 AM Re: Social Isolation/Total Misery [Re: prisonerID]
Avery46 Offline


Registered: 09/23/10
Posts: 1243
Loc: USA
Cassidy,

As I read your story I thought I was reading my own words. Your not alone. I do the exact same things and am in the exact same place.

My anxiety level went way up a few weeks ago and has not gotten better. I am going to get out today even for just a short while. I hope you can do the same. I know I am needing touch so, I have been saving up to go see a massage therapist.

You are a good man.

_________________________
aka DJsport

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#343766 - 10/31/10 01:24 PM Re: Social Isolation/Total Misery [Re: Avery46]
Mountainous Buck Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/15/09
Posts: 1626
Loc: Minnesota
Hi cassidy!

Happy happy halloween-give it a try, please?'. Isolation is the gravity of csa-part of what pulls us down - i hope you can make a different decision-just for today-and find someone to be a friend to-I just met youmand think
You'd be fun to hang out with-

If you end up alone tonight - check out the chat room here at MS. People really do care-don't ever forget that-ok?

_________________________
We have to take responsibility for what we're not responsible for.

ďIt doesn't matter where you've come from,
It matters where you go" Frank Turner

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#343770 - 10/31/10 02:18 PM Re: Social Isolation/Total Misery [Re: Mountainous Buck]
MrDon Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/08/01
Posts: 957
Loc: Deltona, FL
Oh how I hear those words you wrote with tears... I went through many of the same emotions..feelings.. and remember siting home by myself at holidays. I wanted the interaction but was so afraid of it and had been disowned/cut off from my family. Holidays were rough in many ways and on many layers. For a long time, if it is wasn't work, the only time I saw people was when I went to the grocery store.

During this time, I was in some intense therapy and at times it left me drained and thinking that I was getting nowhere. Now I can look back and see that indeed, those were the times that were building the solid foundation for the growth I was going to realize. In that moment, it was difficult beyond measure.

I found an activity in the local area that helped me get out of my four walls of my house. That wasn't easy and I was so afraid to do it. It was something that I never though I would enjoy. However, I found so much fun in the activity and met some wonderful friends and really enjoyed myself.

There are times that I still isolate myself and I'm probably struggling through that at this moment in some ways. I'm looking for something that will help me to push past through this. It isn't easy.. I won't say it is but just keep fighting, screaming, kicking and taking steps. I have always found that it is when I think I'm getting knocked down in the recovery - that's when I'm making the most progress.

Don

_________________________
In order to journey to new worlds, we must first be willing to lose site of the shore.

The Mind Body Thoughts Blog
http://mindbodythoughts.blogspot.com/

Check out my relaxing piano music from the heart!
http://www.donshetterly.com

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#343779 - 10/31/10 04:34 PM Re: Social Isolation/Total Misery [Re: MrDon]
AngryA$$hole Offline


Registered: 10/17/10
Posts: 7
Cassidy,

The most valuable asset Iíve learned throughout the last several years, while dealing with recovery from physical and sexual child abuse, is learning to be content with myself. Iíve always been a very anti-social person, and if you think about it, most abuse victims are just that. Many, many of us were abused because we were thought to be lonely and isolated by our abusers. These perpetrators took full advantage of our quietness and vulnerability in wanting some standard of attention from other people in our lives. I had to relearn that not everyone is evil and there was some gratification in having friends and companions that I could be close with, and yes, those willing to offer a hug from time to time. Iím still a very private person, with an extreme need to be anti-social often, but I think itís more to protect myself now from those who would wish to cross my boundaries, be dishonest, and assault my soul. However, ultimately I realized that I was isolating myself from those who loved me or wished to become my friend.

Nowadays, I have a job that places me with many other victims. They are very anti-social as well, but I can understand their point of view very easily. Iíve had many victims walk away from me because the emotional downfall of ďtellingĒ someone else was just too much for their egos to handle. Other victim have relished in finally finding their voices and speaking up to me and to the world about the tragedies of their childhoods. But, I donít think Iíve ever met an abuse victim who didnít much prefer their own company as opposed to the company of people we donít trust.

Itís also unfortunately when our families cannot be there to hold our hand and help us make the steep climb toward healing. Most of the time, thereís no one who has known us longer than our own family members, but sadly many in our families really know very little about us after abuse. Iíve met so many people who have been turned away by their loved ones, even after confiding in the abuse they went through, but I donít think itís because they donít believe us, I think itís rather that they donít understand us. Personally, Iíve always felt that a non-victim will never be able to understand the emotional, mental, and psychological turmoil we suffer from after abuse. Most people think once the abuse has ended, the child will just forget and move on. We all know this is entirely untrue.

I have a wish for you, Cassidy. I wish you could be content and enjoy your own presence and not worry about how many friends you have or who truly loves you. The time will present itself when people will stand by your side and support you. Itís inevitable. Oh, andÖ Happy Halloween, Brotha!


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#343821 - 11/01/10 09:01 AM Re: Social Isolation/Total Misery [Re: AngryA$$hole]
brokenleg Offline


Registered: 01/05/10
Posts: 65
AngryAshole, I agree with you. To be content with yourself definitely helps. It seems easy. On the other hand when I'm going out and have interaction with ppl, I feel really weak. This might be the main reason behind my depression nowadays.


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#343902 - 11/02/10 12:42 AM Re: Social Isolation/Total Misery [Re: brokenleg]
pufferfish Online   embarrased
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6709
Loc: USA
Very few were more isolated than I was as a young man.

But it can change! I have really changed a lot in this. You can also.

Allen

pufferfish whistle


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#343904 - 11/02/10 03:11 AM Re: Social Isolation/Total Misery [Re: pufferfish]
ericc Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/04/08
Posts: 1955
This stuff is really painful, and I know it very well. But I agree with Allen that it can change for the better. Often times this whole recovery thing involves a lot of "baby steps." But they do add up. Talking about it helps, and least I know it does for me.

Eric


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