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#343709 - 10/30/10 08:02 PM Looking for thoes who love me and know me.
Aberrant30 Offline


Registered: 01/29/10
Posts: 139
Loc: I live on the Emerald Coast, F...
Dear, Friends:
I don't really know how to start this, So I'm just gonna jummp in. Many people here know me, some don't. But i'll start this like i started all my stuff in healing circle. Hi My names Tom, and as for a week ago I have an STD. I'm not askeing for any one to give me advice to deal with it, it's HPV, i don't want to go in to detail, but the doctor said i could of had it for years...and i just kept wondering, if one of my abusers could have given it to me. I have been on a shame sprial for weeks now..and being honest, I don't know if i'm out of it. I ended up sleeping outside my ferind's houes with out him or his lover knowing, just so I could feel safe. When he woke up to go to work, he found me curled up next to his car port. I've been dealing with feelings...I thought i'd moved passt, feeling like a human carbage can. I've been liveing like jekel and hyde. I show up clean shaven to work, helping men and women, get up and eat and shower, and go about there day, then when I get home i just break down, and do scaery things. I left home for about halfe a week, just sleeping in my car by the bluffs. My friend will..literaly broke down crying, when he asked me, "Tom..do you see your self, liveing with this?" I didn't even hestiate to say "no", that's when he took me to Lake view to talk to some one. I spent an hour yelling, screaming, throwing beanie babies across the room, when ie's all said and done..here i am. I don't know...if i'll ever get back in the chat room again, and for them that know me, you know how to get in contact with me, for ferinds that done..send me a PM. I hope..one day I can be healthy...and not jealous, or filled with anger. There are just..so many people i really love here...but I can't control my self..any more.

Love Tom.

_________________________
"The beginning of eternity
The end of time and space
The beginning of every end,
And the end of every place."
Hint: It's in front of you right now.
(Formerly known as Aberrant30

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#343715 - 10/30/10 08:34 PM Re: Looking for thoes who love me and know me. [Re: Aberrant30]
CruxFidelis Offline


Registered: 06/16/10
Posts: 486
Loc: NJ
Tom, I am so sorry you feel this way, and that you are so scared at night. It sounds like you've got a lot of really intense feelings and you need a good outlet for them. Please know that I'm here for you if you ever need to talk. I might not understand everything, but I can try to understand the things I don't.

You are loved by many here, and I always am happy when I see you in chat. Don't be a stranger!

_________________________
“If a man wishes to be sure of the road he treads on, he must close his eyes and walk in the dark.”

- Saint John of the Cross

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#343738 - 10/31/10 01:02 AM Re: Looking for thoes who love me and know me. [Re: CruxFidelis]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6852
Loc: USA
Tom

What a crisis you've been through. I hope you can start feeling better and that you do return to chat. I know you'll be missed.

Allen


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#343748 - 10/31/10 09:38 AM Re: Looking for thoes who love me and know me. [Re: pufferfish]
prisonerID Offline
Greeter Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/17/08
Posts: 1247
Loc: Oklahoma
Tom,

I am glad you opened up here and reached out for help. You were given some really hard news to take. Please care for yourself and allow your friends here to give you the support you need.

_________________________
Broad statements often miss their true mark.

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#343768 - 10/31/10 01:36 PM Re: Looking for thoes who love me and know me. [Re: prisonerID]
kidneythis Offline


Registered: 11/08/09
Posts: 1558
Tom,
I do not know you but I see bravery in your post. I think you should be told that you are allowed to feel these things. It is normal to have these feelings come over you. BUt you must also realize that they will pass. You do not have to solve the questions they bring up right now. You do not have to do anything but look after yourself. It is right and proper that you put yourself first to get a handle on this triggered response to the news.
Its very admirable that you were able to go and work leaving this stuff in a compartment of yourself to be able to put others first for a while. But maybe you should put yourself first for while now. AT least untile these feeling subside and let your live normally again.

_________________________
As Mark Twain once quipped, history may not repeat itself, but it does rhyme.

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#343814 - 11/01/10 07:20 AM Re: Looking for thoes who love me and know me. [Re: kidneythis]
Aberrant30 Offline


Registered: 01/29/10
Posts: 139
Loc: I live on the Emerald Coast, F...
Not sure what to say, when the time comes, and i'm allowed to return to chat, i Hope i see you all there. Till then, I'm going to work on me.

_________________________
"The beginning of eternity
The end of time and space
The beginning of every end,
And the end of every place."
Hint: It's in front of you right now.
(Formerly known as Aberrant30

Top


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