I took my anger out on my father last night and now I don’t know how to fix it. He called me because I sent him a letter about my CSA. We began to talk about it and he ask if it was anybody he knew which it wasn’t, he then said so many things made sense to him now, and that I should have told him and mom and that he thought they would have understood. This just hit me the wrong way and I told him bullshit – I was the problem child, the liar, the one who never listened, the one who was always in trouble. Everything he tried to say I just tore into. My anger just seem to take control and I wanted to hurt him anyway I could. Now I’m wondering if my healing after all this time is really worth causing more pain.I want to say I’m sorry but I’m not sure he would except it or even talk to me now.

Your anger is real and true. If you felt you could have told him you would have and you can't expect the victim to react in the way that makes sence because the crime did not make sence.We are not taught how to respond to rape. Do not blame yourself for anything you could have done what you could do you did and that was your best. I think you did good just to be alive today and now you are here trying hard. Good work. That pain will win if you don't work out some of the confusion. You are right on path. I am sorry your father could not respond in a gentle compassionate nonjudgemental way. Good job standing up for yourself.

there was times when my dad was still alive that i got angry with him and i said hateful things ....ive also done to my mom but they both still loved me ...in ways i think they understood ...it doesnt make it ok and ive learnd to watch what i say(alittle still working on it and still say stuff i shouldnt) because i hurt someone that means alot to me but was forgiven and we moved past...its hard to say your sorry after blowing up like this trust me ive been there.....try to forgive your self and im sure that your dad will get past it....youve got alot of hurt and dealing with feelings is hard and it doesnt always come out righ....we hurt the ones we love the most